Everything I really needed to know about life…

…I learned from the movie Maximum Overdrive. For example:

– An ATM machine printing the word “asshole” on its screen over and over again is really pretty funny.

– If you’re ever attacked by a killer gasoline nozzle that’s been animated by sinister forces in the tail of a comet, step back. The hose is only, like, six feet long or something.

– Same goes for animated killer carving knives. They stop attacking when they reach the end of the power cord. Evil extraterrestrial animating forces can make knobs and levers move on their own, but can’t make the blade of a knife move without electricity. Or something.

– The redneck owners of out-of-the-way diners can always be counted on to have a cache of weapons in the basement.

– Coca-Cola is bad for you. Especially when fired at you from a vengeful vending machine.

– Don’t let Stephen King direct anything.

And most importantly:

– If you’re a truck driver in a Stephen King horror flick, it’s never, never, never a good idea to put a gigantic, demonic Green Goblin face on the front of your semi rig.