Couldn’t sleep last night, so I designed a new bumper sticker based on my Nanohazard T-shirt:
Okay, so now that my sites are back up, teh coolnests…
10
Tag Archives: geek
Some thoughts to keep in mind when you’re taking over the world
Brainwashing the masses to do what you want them to do is a tricky business, as Shelly observed last night. The subconscious mind is simple and extremely literal; you don’t want to brainwash people with messages that require any sort of high-order cognitive processing, and if your subliminal messages require interpretation, God knows what kind of weird results you’ll get once the subconscious mind finishes with your message!
For example:
Good brainwashing message: “You want to go to the island.” Simple, direct, no real interpretation necessary.
Bad brainwashing message: “You want to be a good consumer.” Danger, Will Robinson! You’re leaving it up to the subconscious to decide what a ‘good consumer’ is and how to be one. There ain’t no telling what kind of behaviors you’re going to get from this one.
And for the love of God, never, ever include metaphor, analogy, or similie in your brainwashing messages! *shudders*
Here ends the public service message of the day.
Unintentional geek humor
So, I saw a post on a technical forum I read about a user who’s been having weird problems with his Mac OS X system. You see, in an effort to make his computer faster, he set up a RAMdisk, then told the system to use the RAMdisk as its virtual memory swap space.
Fifteen geek points to anyone who just read that and either winced or started laughing.
Because the search for Truth is a valuable thing…
…I bring you the next chapter in the ongoing saga of “Is this cool, or does this suck?”
Together, we can find the One Universal Truth!
Ten Things I learned about the Future…
at Wired’s NextFest, A funny, scathing take on Wired Magazine’s festival of tomorrow. (Which does, by the way, include a reference to flying cars. I keep being promised flying cars in the future. Dammit, I want my flying car now! Where’s my goddamn flying car?
My own favorite news from the year 2100:
The elderly Japanese people of the future will be so desperately lonely for companionship that they’ll purchase slightly creepy android replicas of the drug-addled but brilliant sci-fi author Phillip K. Dick. Why the Japanese, and why Phillip K. Dick? It’s a long story, and I’m not sure I fully understood it all when the android’s makers explained it to me. I think I probably read the wrong books growing up as a kid, or maybe I now watch the wrong TV shows.
Man, the next singularity can’t get here fast enough.
It’s the user interface, stupid!
or, why the iPod is raking in the dough and Linux is still a non-issue on the desktop
I hate my cell phone. It’s a modern, Kyocera flip-phone with a color LCD and a camera and an Internet connection, and I hate it. But it’s a step up; I hate it less than I’ve hated any other cell phone I’ve ever owned.
The first cell phone I owned had a user interface so abysmal that in order to access the built-in contacts list, I had to press nine buttons. Considering that here in the US, a phone number is only seven digits long without the area code and ten digits long with the area code, that’s almost unbelievably lame.
For some reason, every cell phone in the world has a crap user interface. It’s a testament that I hate my new cell phone least of all, and consider it a great leap forward, because its interface is merely awful and not abysmal.
The Apple iPod is, by any measure of the word “success,” a wild success beyond what even its creators could possibly have predicted. It’s selling like mad; it’s become a cultural icon; car manufacturers are putting iPod docks in their dashboards, purse manufacturers are making purses with iPod slots. Yet for all that, it’s a simple gadget. It plays music, that’s it. It’s expensive; it llacks the fancy features (such as radio tuners) of cheaper MP3 players; what’s the big deal?
The big deal, as Apple understands and everyone else seems to have forgotten, is that user interface matters. The iPod is a runaway success because it does one thing and does it well. The user interface of the iPod is a marvel of simplicity and elegance; all the other MP3 players on the market seem awkward, clunky, and clumsy by comparison.
Nobody gets it, except for Apple. Nobody understands that the way a person interacts with a device is as important as what the device does.
Take my car stereo (please!). It’s a Pioneer model, and it’s a microcosm of bad design. I can see my car stereo being used to teach a class in “How to Fuck Up a User interface 101.”
It does two things: it plays CDs and it plays radio stations. The power button is also the button that switches between radio and CD; you want to turn it off when you’re listening to a CD, you hit POWER POWER. Intuitive, right? Uh, no. But the controls won’t tell you this; the power-cum-radio-cum-CD button is labelled “Mode.”
Not that you’ll ever be able to read it. It’s labelled “Mode” in five-point light-gray type on a dark-gray background. It’s difficult to read if you’re sitting nose to nose with the faceplate; from the driver’s seat, two and a half feet away, it might as well not be labelled at all.
It has a number of different controls and modes. Many of these are reached by pressing a “Shift” button, also labelled in five-point type; the button is tiny, about as big around as the guts of a cheap disposable pen, and you hold it down wat the same time as you press one or more other buttons to access various functions.
These people were not thinking. Not even a little bit. They clearly did not think about the fact that the operator would be sitting too far away to read microscopic print, nor about the fact that the operator would be working the device while driving a moving vehicle in traffic. And, like my cell phone, my car stereo has a user interface which is actually better than most. Shelly’s car stereo has an auxiliary input mode which you get to by pressing the power button; to turn the stereo on and off, you press the power button and hold it down for two seconds. To insert or eject a CD, you remove the stereo’s face plate. (No, it’s not a CD changer; strictly one disc at a time!)
User interface matters. User interface on an MP3 player makes a difference to the user’s experience with the gadget; user interface on a car stereo can make the difference between life and death. Yet every day, we are surrounded by devices, from stereos to cell phones to fax machines to microwave ovens, that have a crap user interface. Manufacturers think that what attracts us to their products is a long list of features–“Look! This car stereo pulls in stations from Kenya, and then translates them into English while piping them directly into the brain of the driver!” They add functions to their gadgets without ever thinking about the way people use their gadgets.
I don’t want a video game console that plays CDs. I guaranfuckingTEE you that if I’m buying a video game console, I already have a CD player. If for some reason I don’t have a CD player, I am not going to have a set of external speakers either, which means I’ll be listening to my CDs through…what, the shitty speakers in my TV set? I don’t think so. I buy a video game console to play video games. If the console plays the games I like, I buy it. If it does not play the games I like, I don’t buy it, and making it play music CDs will not make me buy it, okay?
Ditto for MP3 players. If I buy an MP3 player, it’s because I want to fill it up with songs I like. If I want to listen to the radio, which plays commercials and lots of songs I don’t like, I can do it for a whole lot less money than an MP3 player–and if I’m giving the choice between listening to songs I like and songs on the radio, I’ll take the songs I like, mkay? Every supposed new “iPod killer” that comes out, and falls flat on its face, fails for the same reason: they take an MP3 player, add something else on to it, and glue it all together with a crap user interface–all without the slightest thought to how people use the goddamn thing.
I just put the new Fedora Core on my Linux machine. Linux, once the choice only of hard-core technogeeks, really has come a long way. But it still has very serious interface problems.
Every Linux enthusiast I’ve ever spoken to raves about Linux’s functionality, its price (free), its power, its features. Why, they all lament, do people continue to use Microsoft crapware, when a better and more secure operating system is available for free?
It’s the interface, stupid. I’ve been using computers since 1976, I’ve been using Unixes of various flavors for almost as long as Unix has existed, and it’s still a pain in the royal fucking ass for me to install and configure a Linux system.
It’s worlds better than it was. Good Linux distros come with bootable CD-ROMs that take you through the installation in a graphical environment; indeed, the installer for Fedora Core is now prettier and more elegant than the installer for Windows XP.
Prettier and more elegant, but fragile, so very, very fragile.
When I ran that pretty, elegant installer, it got about a third of the way through the install, then suddenly disappeared to be replaced with several screenfuls of decidedly un-pretty and unfriendly text. Error messages, stack backtraces, exceptions…yuck.
Restarted the installer, same thing again. And again.
I finally puzzled out from the cryptic exceptions and backtraces that the installer was having a heart attack over a piece of hardware in my system; pulled the network card, and the install worked. (Strangely, when I put the card back, it was recognized and worked without a hitch.)
It’s the user interface, stupid. I don’t care how many features you have or how powerful you are; I don’t care if you’re cheaper than an iPod or cheaper than Windows. It’s the user interface, stupid! Even today, the Linux interface still feels unnecessarily clumsy and awkward compared to the Mac’s or (God forbid) even the Fisher-Price interface Windows XP offers us. For a long-term Linux user, the various awkwardnesses and clumsy design choices of the interface are not an issue, because the long-term user has learned ways to deal with, or occasionally work around, the shortcomings in Gnome and KDE, and of course he can always drop down to a terminal window (it’s the user interface, stupid!) to get things done.
Back to my cell phone. It does not do the things I think it should. It offers me call-waiting, for example. I’m on a call and another call comes in; it seems to me that pressing the “answer” button will let me talk to the new caller. But it doesn’t. It brings up a menu asking me what I want to do. Put the old caller on hold and answer the new call? Ignore the new call? (If I wanted to do that, I would not press any button, goddamnit!) Hang up the old call and take the new?
Now, when I end the new call, and want to go back to the old, I can’t press the “answer call” or “hangup” button. Instead, I press the “options” button. Do I want to hang up? Do I want to swap calls? Do I want to disconnect both calls?
Now, you might think that swapping calls would put caller #2 on hold, and give me #1, but no. It puts both calls on hold, then gives me another menu. Do I want to release #2 and pick up #1? Release #1 and pick up #2? Hang up both? No, goddamn it, I want to swap calls! You know, swap one for the other! Trying to figure all this out quickly is a pain in the ass, especially in a darkened room.
It’s the user interface, stupid. You want my money, think about how I am going to use your gadget. Don’t make me read your mind. Don’t get clever by making the Power button do a whole bunch of other stuff as well. Don’t present irreleavnt choices when it should be clear from context what I’m trying to do. Use your head. Think about the environment where your device will be used.
You want to know why Apple came in and overnight 0wnz0r3d the entire MP3 market? It’s the user interface, stupid!
The obligatory musings on Star Wars–not the newest movie, but the secret behind them all
Okay. So no real reason to critique Star Wars Episode III; it was exactly what I expected, which is to say clumsy direction, lots of eye-candy special effects, stunningly awful dialog (I actually slid down my seat and covered my face in embarrassment for George Lucas in a few of the scenes), lots of light-saber duels, and lots of screen time for Yoda. Better than the first two; not as good as it could have been. In short–about what everyone else is saying about the movie.
But i didn’t come here to talk about Episode III; I came here to talk about the dark secret that lies behind all the Star Wars movies, a dark secret that even George Lucas himself does not know. Once you understand this dark secret, and you re-interpret all six movies in light of it, many things in the movies suddenly make a whole lot more sense.
The dark secret is this:
Yoda is a Dark Sider.
Yes, you read that right. Yoda has given himself to the Dark Side of the Force, and in secret, subtle ways, helps the Sith to the best of his abilities throughout all the movies.
Yes, I know how that sounds. But think about all six movies, and bear with me here:
– Is the Jedi Council really that appallingly stupid and incompetent? I mean, really. C’mon. The Sith Lord is in the same goddamn room as them, and they can’t tell! He makes a blindingly direct and obvious play for power, and they can’t tell! Either the Jedi Academy requires IQ tests of all its applicants, and rejects anyone with an IQ over 85, or something else is up–namely, the most powerful member of the Council is working to ensure that the rest of hte Council stays in the dark.
– Yoda outclasses Count Dooku sixteen ways from Sunday–a better fighter, more powerful in the Force, and all-around better at everything he does–yet in the second movie, Dooku still somehow manages not only to escape, but to escape with the plans to the Death Star.
– Yoda doesn’t really seriously go after Sidius in the third movie. He makes a token show of it, gets the upper hand…and leaves. Not exactly convincing. Not exactly an overwhelming attempt from a person who’s just seen his friends murdered and is determined to protect the universe from sliding into the hands of the Sith at all costs. “Okay, tried I did. Leaving now I am. Ruling the universe you are. With how well that works out for you get back to me!”
– For a light-sider, Yoda has a whole lot of knowledge and skill at dealing with that crackly lightning-both dark side energy stuff; more, it seems, than…well, any Jedi, y’know?
– Yoda meets Luke. Yoda trains Luke. Luke takes off to go after Vader. Yoda says “No, wait you must, not ready you are, kick your ass he will…here, help you pack I will! Fun storming the castle you have!” Yoda’s goal was to get Luke captured.
– And speaking of getting people captured, great plan for hiding the babies, there, my little green friend. Geez, you sure tucked THEM out of sight! I mean, if Vader ever glommed on to the fact that he had a son running around somehwere, he’d NEVER think to start the search at his own family!
– Knowledge of the Clone Army in Episode II, and indeed knowledge of the entire star system where the clone army was being developed, was mysteriously wiped from the Jedi archives. By an insider. By an influential insider. They never did really address who that insider was, did they? Hmm…who would be in a position to do such a thing? Who indeed.
Seriously. Go back and re-watch the movies with the idea that Yoda is a Dark Sider in mind, and tell me that it doesn’t suddenly bring a lot of things into focus.
Random acts of geekery
So. I have a G3 iBook laptop that’s been dropped. The computer still works, kind of, except that:
– The hinge for the screen, and the bezel around the screen, are broken. The screen itself still works, though.
– The power supply can’t be disconnected; the jack for the power supply cord is damaged and the cord can’t be removed.
– The CD-ROM drive is cracked and appears to be damaged.
The computer itself, however, still works and the hard drive is fine. The computer has built-in wireless networking, and the wired Ethernet jack still works as well. As the result of a complicated story involving a client who has many Xserve systems which I have had to administer from the laptop, the laptop is running OS X Server, not regular OS X. There is an external monitor jack, which appears to work as well.
So, the million-dollar question is, what should I do with it? I hate the idea of throwing away a perfectly good (well, still-working) computer, but the repair estimate is greater than the machine is worth. Things I’ve thought about include:
– Taking off the screen, sticking it in a corner, and running it as a network file server/Web server/MOO server/whatever, administering it remotely by SSH.
– Taking off the screen, sticking it in the corner, and using it as a router.
– Disassembling the computer, putting the parts into a picture frame, and hanging it on the wall as a digital picture frame.
– Disassembling the computer, putting the parts into a picture frame, ripping Blade Runner or some cheesy 70s porn onto the hard drive, hanging it on the wall, and letting it play the movie silently on a continuous loop all the time.
– Disassembling the computer, building a cabinet for it (HA! Like I have time to do that!), running MacMAME on it, loading the hard drive with MAME ROM emulators, and using it as a vintage arcade game. With a 12-inch screen.
– Something else? What are your thoughts, O liveJournal community?
When good companies go bad: how Google learned to stop worrying and love spam
Okay. So, Google’s founders have an unofficial slogan, which is a part of Google’s genetic DNA: Don’t be evil. Nice idea, that; do well and do good.
But in my experience, “don’t be evil” has become more of…well, a suggestion than a statement of corporate policy. No, I’m not talking about the way Google records information about searches or how the Goolge toolbar inserts paid links into other people’s Web sites–frankly, I don’t care about any of that.
I’m talking about something different: spam. And the fact that Google likes it.
Oh, now I’m not suggesting Google engages in spam itself; when you’re Google, you don’t need to spam. Everyone uses you anyway. I’m talking about the fact that Google supports spammers. And it’s not even a question of supporting spammers for profit, like Savvis does, or allowing people to host spam software, like MCI Worldcom does, or allowing people to host virus and malware droppers, like Peer 1 does. What those companies do is reprehensible, of course, but it’s also understandable: they profit directly from it. The spammers give them cash, they look the other way (or in Savvis’ case, actually help shield the spammers).
No, Google supports spammers, but doesn’t even do it for profit. Google supports spammers because it simply can’t be bothered to hire anyone to do anything about it.
The entire net abuse community shuddered when Google took over Deja News and started Google Groups. Google, of course, insisted that Google Groups would serve a valuable function, and would not be used by spammers; they set up an abuse address, they promised that spammers would not be tolerated, and so on, and so on.
Now, a few years later, it seems that Google’s motto has changed from “Don’t be evil’ to “Don’t bother.”
Google Groups has become, as many people predicted, a wretched hive of scum and spammers. I’ve personally seen more spam coming from Google Groups in the past few months than from any other single newsgroup source in the world–Google has dethroned the previous reigning champions of UseNet spam (Skynet.be, newsfeeds.com, and usenetnews.com) in the sheer volume of spew and in their stubborn refusal to stem the tide. In just the past few hours, I’ve collected some nuggets of Google’s outstanding offerings to the Internet community here
Some late night thoughts about the nature of money
Gah. It’s late, and I can’t sleep ’cause I’m waiting for Shelly to get home from work, so let’s talk money.
Exhibit A: One of my clients, a large, publicly-traded corporation that makes custom uniforms and apparel, primarily for the hospital and tech industries. They make those weird-looking bunny suits that chip manufacturers use in cleanrooms, that sort of thing. They have manufacturing and warehousing facilities in five states, thousands of employees, and brought in a tad over $130 million dollars in 2003, with net profits after expenses and tax of approximately $5 million. A huge, successful business.
Exhibit B: A tiny, privately held company occupying one office not far from my client’s corporate headquarters, employing less than twenty people, running an online Internet dating Web site. They bring in, oh, around $66 million a month, give or take. Roughly five times what my client makes, in other words. And almost all of it’s profit.
Wall Street doesn’t like the “adult” industry, of course. I don’t believeany porn or sex-toy companies arepublicly traded, and I have to wonder what the Fortune 500 might look like if it listed sex-related businesses. Wal-Mart would probably still top the list,ofcourse, butI suspect after that things might get interesting.
Money doesn’t work the way people think it does. Take lawyers who work on commission, for example. (Please!) Now, if you’re injured in a car wreck and you’re suing someone’s insurance company, you might think that the lawyer who works on commission will get you the best possible settlement, because his financial interests are tied to yours. After all, the more money he winds for you in the settlement, the more money he gets, right?
Wrong. You’re not his only client. He has thousands of other clients, in an unending stream. That changes the equation.
Suppose he can put in an hour working on your case, and get the insurance company to offer you an $8,000 settlement. Or, he can work 15 hours on your case, and win an $80,000 settlement for you. What’s he gonna do? He’s gonna try to talk you into settling for $8,000. Why?
Well, let’s say he works 45 hours a week. If all his clients take the paltry $8,000 settlement, he’s brought in a grand total of $320,000 in settlements in a week. If all his clients get $80,000 settlements, he’s only brought in $240,000 in that week. Which would you rather have–a percentage of $320,000 or the same percentage of $240,000? It’s a no-brainer. He wants maximum income per hour worked, which means…you get the chump change, chump.
On a more personal front, the Chinese government is still doing everything in its collective power to make my life complicated. Certain old-guard factions in the Communist Party in China still oppose with all the spirit they can muster from their feeble and ancient bodies any attempt to drag China into the seedy, dirty world of capitalism and free enterprise, and are continuing to block the Chinese venture capital firm that wants to invest in another client of mine, even though the rest of the Chinese government has given the deal the official go-ahead. As a result, my client can’t pay me (or indeed anyone else), and as a result of that, my client and I are still in limbo with regards to the move to Atlanta. So we’re here in Tampa for at least the next six months or so, while my client’s representative flies back and forth between here and Beijing on an almost weekly basis, trying to discover whatever voodoo black magic is going to be necessary to get the money out of China. In other words, it’s just business as usual for my life.