Category Archives: Uncategorized

I am a slave to my computer overlords

Posted on by
30

Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.

The company I work with has made a multimedia presentation that explains how our lightning detection gizmo works, and talks about storm and lightning safety and suchlike. It’s turned out to be a very effective sales tool, so we’ve made (or rather, I’ve made) several different versions of it for our various distributors, which feature the distributor’s logo and contact information, and safety information specific to whatever industry the distributor focuses on.

Last week, one of our distributors asked for 1,000 copies of their custom-tailored version of the presentation on CD-ROM. Now, we don’t have time (or, to be fair, money) to send it out for commercial CD duplication, and we don’t have a duplicator.

That means my last several days have been consumed creating CDs. I have a [MacPro computer] and a [Multimedia Presentation] and [1000 Blank No-Name CD-Rs], and I’m combining them into [1000 Multimedia CDs]. Man, I thought the quest line to get [Reins of the Onyx Netherwing Drake] was tedious!

So if anyone’s been wondering why I haven’t been around much lately, that’s the reason. On the whole, I think the grinding to get [Reins of the Onyx Netherwing Drake] is probably more satisfying.

New poly article in The Orlando Weekly

Posted on by
16

The Orlando Weekly has published an article about polyamory, which appeared in the newspaper yesterday and is now available online. It focuses primarily on joreth and her relationships with her partner Ki and me. The Web site’s registration and login process seems to be broken at the moment, so as of right now it does not appear to be possible to leave comments. [Edit]: Apparently the login and commenting system is working now.

Ph34r my l33t skillz

Posted on by
24

Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to report I have just learned how to tie a corset.

Now, you might think that this is something I already would know, being an experienced kinkster and all, but somehow my experience in this regard has been sadly deficient, largely due to the fact that whenever one of my sweeties has gone anywhere in a corset, there has been someone else there who already knows the Fundamental Mystery of the Many Strings. As a result, I have never mastered string theory.

But that has changed with dayo‘s trip down here this weekend. And now, if you will excuse me, I must go put on a ginormous pair of stompfy boots and be off.

Lots o’ linky goodness

Posted on by
38

Found all over the Intarweb and among various posts on my flist. I’ve had these browser windows open, in some cases, for weeks, and so I’m dumping them all here so as to make a record.

Political humor

Conan O’Brien Hates My Homeland. Funny, work-safe, sometimes painfully true.

Different Meanings of Country Flags. Work-safe, funny, and even more painfully true. Ouch!

Science, Tech, and Medicine

Mechanistic link between stress and the development of Alzheimer’s disease

The physiology and processes of aging

Masters student delivers thesis in her underwear–video game controllers you use by feeling up your partner

Keeping a backup copy of your immune system

Milky Way galaxy is eating a small neighbor…turns out our sun actually didn’t form in the Milky Way. It originally belonged to a small galaxy called the Sagittarius dwarf galaxy, which is being devoured by the Milky Way. New Agers are going crazy about what this means for the “energy field” of the planet. [Edit]: The claim that the sun originated in the galaxy being cannibalized by the Milky Way has been debunked.

And while we’re on the subject, here’s a video of a model of the collision between the Milky Way and the Andromeda galaxy, due to commence in a couple billion years. This collision is bad news.

Binary calculator made out of wood and marbles–eat your heart out, Alan Turing!

Miscellaneous

Disturbing Sex Toys–funny, possibly not work safe.

Joined at the Brainstem–really bad relationship advice.

The new fad among hyperconservative, literalist Christians: Christian spanking porn. Work-safe. Would Sir like some domestic abuse with his porn today?

A partial list of common English words invented by William Shakespeare

Mingle2 – Online Dating

The Weekend. Let me show you it.

Posted on by
30

I had some pretty ambitious plans for the weekend. I don’t normally make lists, but for this weekend, I made an exception, because I was Just In That Kind of Mood. Go most of the stuff on the list done, and the weekend’s technically not even over yet:

Give dayo a long, deep, thorough spanking, flogging, paddling, cropping, and caning. In public.

Work on phoenixgeisha‘s CD challenge.

Meet a woman wearing a necklace that is a play on her name.

Infect datan0de‘s wetware with remote command-and-control software

Create a lolcat that references the Terminator movies

Spin poi

Watch the worst travesty of a movie committed to celluloid since Star Wars Episode 3

Work on the Symtoys Web site

I had high hopes for watching the worst high-budget mainstream movie ever filmed when dayo and I went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3, but sadly, my hopes and dreams were dashed, and I was forced to drink from the bitter cup of disappointment…for, you see, Pirates 3 is actually a very good, very fun movie.

It’s clear that somewhere between Pirates 2, that shambling disaster of a movie, and Pirates 3, someone told Johnny Depp, “Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but…could you kick it up a notch or two? Jack Sparrow is supposed to be really over the top, so let’s see you get out there and really give it what you’ve got, y’know?” I didn’t leave the theater wanting those hours of my life back, like I did with Pirates 2; on the contrary, I was highly entertained.

However, the weekend was salvaged when we went to see Spider-Man 3 this afternoon. Dear sweet Jesus on a pogo stick, what a disaster that movie is. Spider-Man 3 is the Alien 3 of the Spider Man franchise–the film that kills the franchise dead, then squats over the corpse and farts in its face. If you’re looking for the most cringe-worthy, unwatchable movie ever made, this here’s your flick, in spades.

And I do mean “unwatchable” literally. There were parts of the movie so horrifyingly awful I literally had to turn my eyes away. I couldn’t even muster up the same staring-in-fascination-at-a-train-wreck that kept me going through Episode 3.

It was truly a perfect storm of fail. In fact, that movie is made of fail, from start to finish. The acting? Stunning in its awfulness; the cinematic equivalent of a back-alley mugging with a brick. The dialog? Imagine Jar-Jar Binks with brain damage, and you’re at least in the right ballpark. The script? Somewhere, someone noticed in pre-production that the script read like it was written by a sexually repressed teenager who has never known the touch of a woman, yet he kept his mouth shut. That person needs to be found and killed.

The scene where Mary Jane meets Anakin Skywalker Peter Parker on the bridge on the park and tells him “Oh, Anakin, I just don’t understand you any more!” “Peter, we’re through, I’ve met somebody else” will echo down the corridors of history as the pinnacle of man’s inhumanity to man–or more precisely, Hollywood’s inhumanity to its fans. The fact that the producers, director, stars, special effects technicians, screenwriters, cameramen, and caterers who were responsible for this abomination were not all immediately struck dead by some horrible, disfiguring disease upon its conclusion are proof positive of God’s Divine Mercy to those who hate Him. Even the computer special effects, which rarely rose above the level of middling awful, suffered from perspective and lighting problems–look, especially, to the mismatched perspective and poor lighting of the falling taxi. Or better yet, don’t.

And now, I think dayo needs another sound thrashing. 🙂 Edit: As soon as she’s done ordering a set of poi online.

Many random things, and pickles

Posted on by
38

First off, I present to you a stuffed animal inspired by my post about conduct in the dungeon, given to me by dayo, who upon reading it went out to Build-A-Bear and created this soft, floppy-eared, leather clad specimen:

Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce you to Bunnykin Spankypants. And yes, dayo is in SO much trouble.

Many cell phones use a predictive text entry system called T9. T9 attempts to make texting faster, by “recognizing” common words as you begin to key them in, and filling out the rest. For example, if you hit 8 4 on your keyboard, the T9 system will recognize that it’s more likely you are attempting to type “th” than “vg”. T9 uses a dictionary of words, which it consults as you hit letters to try to anticipate what word you’re typing. Everyone knows this.

The T9 system built into my Motorola Razr is an adaptive T9 system; if you type a particular word multiple times, it will “remember” that word and rank that word higher in its probability table than other words that begin with the same combinations.

I inherited my Razr from figment_j. Apparently, she has used it to do text messaging in the past. If I hit the number 5, which corresponds with the letters “j,” “k,” and “l,” the phone’s very first guess about what I intend to type is “lust.” If I hit the number 2, which can be “a,” “b,” or “c,” the phone immediately guesses “boots!”. If I type 66, its first guess is “not here.”

Shelly would like to hijack the collected perversion wisdom of my friends list to a devious noble end. Involving pickles. Literally or figuratively; it’s up to you.

There is, you see, a past time that has become a fixture at church socials and picnics and other wholesome get-togethers called “pickle spitting.” It’s exactly what it sounds like: people put wole pickles in their mouths and see who can spit them the farthest.

“Pickle spitting” just sounds obscene. In fact, it really sounds like it should be a euphemism for a deviant sex act. And, sadly, it’s not.

That’s where you come in.

In a comment to this post, leave a suggestion (or two) for a deviant sex act that you think should be referred to as “pickle spitting.” By working together, we can corrupt and pervert this harmless activity, once and for all!

The Rules

Posted on by
64

In Which Franklin gets all Old Testament about conduct in the dungeon.

ON CONDUCT

When thou dost come unto me and beseech me, saying, “Verily, do I request of you a good paddling,” then surely I will grant unto thee a good paddling. During the period of the paddling, thou shalt not say unto me “What was that, a mosquito?”, nor compare thy paddling to the flight of any other insect, or any creeping thing upon the earth, be it a moth, or a caterpillar; nor draw any likeness between the instrument of thy paddling and the feathers of the birds above; for surely shalt thy paddling grow mighty and endless, and welts shall be upon thy backside for four and thirty days.

And in those days when thou art being flogged, thou shalt not giggle and wag thy ass in a taunting manner, nor squirm and attempt to escape when the flogging becomes greater for it, for then wilt thou be cast into bondage, so that thine ass will no longer be able to wiggle, nor shalt thou be able to squirm.

Thou shalt not speak with thy mouth full, though moaning is okay.

Neither shalt thou allow the passions of thy loins to reach the pinnacle of their fruition, save for those times when I commandeth thee; and in those times, thou shalt come with the force of a raging firestorm, with much screaming and wailing; for thy screams of ecstasy are pleasing to me.

Thou shalt wear no clothing that is displeasing in my sight, nor place within thy pants back issues of National Geographic magazine, to protect thy backside from the force of my hand; for verily I will notice, and remove the magazine, and upon your backside shall I become medieval. So it is written.

Thou shalt not take thy master’s name in vain, nor forget thy master’s title when asked. Thou shalt say “sir” or “maestro” when asked thy master’s title. Thou shalt not say “buttercups,” nor “sugarpants,” nor even “bunnykins,” nor refer to any other cute and cuddly beast that doth roam the earth. Neither shalt thou say “Oh yeah? Make me!” For truly will I then make you, and the bruises shall be on your bum like a plague of locusts unto Egypt.

And speaking of Egypt, when the wetness doth issue from between thy thighs like the waters of the Nile, say not to me “Please, i do not want it,” for verily shall I judge thy words to be falsehoods, and these words shall not be heard.

WTF?

Posted on by
18

I feel like I missed something.

I spent most of the evening and most of the night working on the new Symtoys site; dayo has actually developed a timetable for me (bless her process-loving heart), and Im int he habit now of doing nightly uploads to the sandbox server as I finish new sections. Looks like it’ll actually be finished ready to make live very soon.

I didn’t get to bed until about 2 AM last night (the kitty Liam was being exceptionally affectionate, even for him, and kept waking me up with “I CAN HAS LOVE NOW PLS?”). Got up late for work today, and…

…nobody’s at the office. There’s not a car on the road, which is a nice change from Duluth traffic, but I did see a car piled into a tree on the way in to the office. Door was still open, nobody there. All of the businesses in the business park look like they’re closed. The Intertubes have been in yoyo mode all day–up and down and up and down. There’s a funny smell in the air, and what looks to be a wrecked helicopter, of all things, in the parking lot across the street.

What’d I miss?