Resident Evil:Extinction is playing in theaters near you1 right now. I mean, right now, even as I type this. joreth and I saw it a couple days ago.
It is a post-apocalyptic movie about the end of the world, which features zombies. And Milla Jovovich.
Now, think about that for a moment. It’s a movie about the end of the world, and it has zombies in it. And Milla Jovovich.
How do you make that suck? How does that happen? I don’t get it. That should be a no-brainer combination. It should not be possible to make that suck. The end of the world! With zombies! And Milla Jovovich! How in the name of God can that not be a guaranteed recipe for teh awesome? How, how, how do you take those ingredients, and end up with a movie that’s boring?
1 Provided you live near a theater that’s playing Resident Evil:Extinction.
Talent? I was impressed that Christopher Columbus was able to get Dumbledore all wrong in the first two Harry Potter movies, when Richard Harris had him down perfectly, just as himself in an interview.
Talent? I was impressed that Christopher Columbus was able to get Dumbledore all wrong in the first two Harry Potter movies, when Richard Harris had him down perfectly, just as himself in an interview.
I still think it was worth watching, once in the theater. maybe some night when im drinking and someone has the DVD for some reason.
I still think it was worth watching, once in the theater. maybe some night when im drinking and someone has the DVD for some reason.
it’s not like the other ones were masterpieces of cinema, or anything.
yea I have to go with the bard on this one. I really enjoy the triology even though it’s completely lacking in substance.
Although for someone who has issues with large flocks of birds perhaps I shoulda watched the preview a little closer.
Jesus on pogo stick, flocks of zombie birds. Not cool mang, not cool.
But as an apocalyptic movie fan, and planning for such an event, I was impressed with their caravan, and their set up. I was all nodding along and making notes for my own plan for when the world ends.
Oh yes, I have a plan.
I’ve seen the other two on DVD or cable only, so I don’t plan to break my streak. But I find that when a movie with Milla is boring, I just cast my mind back to her inside that hyperbaric chamber, gettin’ cloned from a body-part. Then, all is well. 😀
There is lots of naked Milla in bubbles in this movie.
🙂
w00t! And I have a high-def wide-screen TV! The DVD will be out in what, five days or so? 😛
Doesn’t EVERYONE have a plan for that?
You know actually I talk to people who DON’T have a plan, and are often utterly confused as to why I do.
Zombies are coming, and *I’M* not gonna be the one who wasn’t ready. dumbasses
It’s actually good to know who & where those people are. You’ll be able to loot their homes for supplies.
It’d be good to casually inquire about their food supplies, weapons, etc.
Maybe encourage them to keep a good sized stash of canned goods for “hurricanes” or “earthquakes” or whatever.
Then it’s all available to you AHAHAHAHA.
it’s not like the other ones were masterpieces of cinema, or anything.
I’d like to look on the bright side. What bright side you ask? Well I’m just thrilled to see a movie based on a video game not being directed by Germany’s favorit tax loophole and internet boxing enthusiast Uwe Boll. He managed to fuck up a movie about a videogame where a hot ninja vampire chick kills nazis and not just kinda fuck up but ohh my god my eye are bleeding and my brain needs to be steelwooled kind of fuck up. The kind of fuck up you nuke from orbit as its the only way to be sure.
I’d like to look on the bright side. What bright side you ask? Well I’m just thrilled to see a movie based on a video game not being directed by Germany’s favorit tax loophole and internet boxing enthusiast Uwe Boll. He managed to fuck up a movie about a videogame where a hot ninja vampire chick kills nazis and not just kinda fuck up but ohh my god my eye are bleeding and my brain needs to be steelwooled kind of fuck up. The kind of fuck up you nuke from orbit as its the only way to be sure.
Well, a sequel to a sequel to a videogame is not a promising start for cinema. Which is not to say I won’t see it.
I must say that the Resident Evil movies have had some of the best *trailers* I’ve ever seen, particularly the riff on pharmaceutical ad side effect warnings in the first one.
Well, a sequel to a sequel to a videogame is not a promising start for cinema. Which is not to say I won’t see it.
I must say that the Resident Evil movies have had some of the best *trailers* I’ve ever seen, particularly the riff on pharmaceutical ad side effect warnings in the first one.
yea I have to go with the bard on this one. I really enjoy the triology even though it’s completely lacking in substance.
Although for someone who has issues with large flocks of birds perhaps I shoulda watched the preview a little closer.
Jesus on pogo stick, flocks of zombie birds. Not cool mang, not cool.
But as an apocalyptic movie fan, and planning for such an event, I was impressed with their caravan, and their set up. I was all nodding along and making notes for my own plan for when the world ends.
Oh yes, I have a plan.
Yeah, that’s what I said too.
You, Tacit, and, if memory serves, The New York Times too, whose reviewer sounded quite disappointed that even with the violence and the dead birds (although Ms. Jovovich wasn’t mentioned other than in passing), he still found it dull.
Yeah, that’s what I said too.
In the end, it will be the cockroaches, the twinkies, and the breast implants.
Will it be the cockroaches that will be having the breast implants?
Yes. Silicon impregnated cockroaches! LOL Do you think it’d work as a preservative?
No but if you want to preserve your silicon bedecked cockroaches you need to store them in hallowed out twinkies.
In the end, it will be the cockroaches, the twinkies, and the breast implants.
I’ve seen the other two on DVD or cable only, so I don’t plan to break my streak. But I find that when a movie with Milla is boring, I just cast my mind back to her inside that hyperbaric chamber, gettin’ cloned from a body-part. Then, all is well. 😀
There is lots of naked Milla in bubbles in this movie.
🙂
You, Tacit, and, if memory serves, The New York Times too, whose reviewer sounded quite disappointed that even with the violence and the dead birds (although Ms. Jovovich wasn’t mentioned other than in passing), he still found it dull.
w00t! And I have a high-def wide-screen TV! The DVD will be out in what, five days or so? 😛
Will it be the cockroaches that will be having the breast implants?
Yes. Silicon impregnated cockroaches! LOL Do you think it’d work as a preservative?
No but if you want to preserve your silicon bedecked cockroaches you need to store them in hallowed out twinkies.
I find that, much like Pitch Black, the true value comes not from the movie itself but from the conversations it inspires.
I am, of course, referring to our conversation about helicopters that burn refugee children for fuel, and flocks of zombie birds as a metaphor for the hazards of using conventional firearms to battle airborne nanoswarms and hostile utility fog uploads. 😀
I find that, much like Pitch Black, the true value comes not from the movie itself but from the conversations it inspires.
I am, of course, referring to our conversation about helicopters that burn refugee children for fuel, and flocks of zombie birds as a metaphor for the hazards of using conventional firearms to battle airborne nanoswarms and hostile utility fog uploads. 😀
One word for you:
“Ultraviolet”
…mm…I think that’s the word, anyway. I went to see it with a couple of friends, and every time she asked, “What am I *doing*?” we all were like, “Just what the hell *are* you doing, anyway?”
That said, I haven’t seen #3 yet, though I did enjoy the #1 and was *slightly* let down by #2.
I will be seeing #3. If for nothing else, because I’m trying to talk my gang into some “Aftermath!”
One word for you:
“Ultraviolet”
…mm…I think that’s the word, anyway. I went to see it with a couple of friends, and every time she asked, “What am I *doing*?” we all were like, “Just what the hell *are* you doing, anyway?”
That said, I haven’t seen #3 yet, though I did enjoy the #1 and was *slightly* let down by #2.
I will be seeing #3. If for nothing else, because I’m trying to talk my gang into some “Aftermath!”
Doesn’t EVERYONE have a plan for that?
You know actually I talk to people who DON’T have a plan, and are often utterly confused as to why I do.
Zombies are coming, and *I’M* not gonna be the one who wasn’t ready. dumbasses
It’s actually good to know who & where those people are. You’ll be able to loot their homes for supplies.
It’d be good to casually inquire about their food supplies, weapons, etc.
Maybe encourage them to keep a good sized stash of canned goods for “hurricanes” or “earthquakes” or whatever.
Then it’s all available to you AHAHAHAHA.
How do you make it suck?
By taking a plot line and running it into the ground for 3 movies (after a video game) and sending the entire cast to run around the desert for 1.5 hours.
I ask you, what’s the point in specifically mentioning that the entire earth has become a desert wasteland, then setting the movie in Las Vegas?
The movie did have one noteworthy line, though. Spoken by a man about to climb Las Vegas’s Eifle Tower as a lookout:
“A man climbing the Eifle Tower with a high-powered rifle. Ya know, a few years ago, this would have attracted some attention”*
*or something very close
How do you make it suck?
By taking a plot line and running it into the ground for 3 movies (after a video game) and sending the entire cast to run around the desert for 1.5 hours.
I ask you, what’s the point in specifically mentioning that the entire earth has become a desert wasteland, then setting the movie in Las Vegas?
The movie did have one noteworthy line, though. Spoken by a man about to climb Las Vegas’s Eifle Tower as a lookout:
“A man climbing the Eifle Tower with a high-powered rifle. Ya know, a few years ago, this would have attracted some attention”*
*or something very close