Everything I ever REALLY needed to know…

…I learned on a spontaneous 2600-mile weekend road trip to Boston. Things like:

– Thou Shalt Not Take The Words Of The Oracle Of Mapquest As Gospel, For Verily They Do Lie From Time To Time, Just To Keep You On Your Toes

– After 1,000 miles in the car, nobody wants to hear your Agent Smith impersonation.

– New Jersey has a smell that lingers.

– If you see six police cars in your rearview mirror, lights blazing and sirens screaming, closing fast behind you, just pull over and let them by. Even if you were speeding, they’re not interested in you. Seriously. In the grand scheme of things, you’re just not that important.

– When you’re debating the pros and cons of a very long drive to pay an unexpected visit to someone, don’t forget to account for the fact that you’re going to arrive at your destination smelling like armpit. Please, for the love of God, think of the children!

– Yes, you do need to pee. You only think you don’t.

– No matter how full your baggage is, there’s always room for a 7.62-caliber bullet. And a 7.62-caliber bullet is always an appropriate housewarming gift. Especially if you have a whole lot of ’em lying around as a result of the last party. Just sayin’.

– Police officers are social creatures. Wherever you see one, there are a lot more you don’t see. Kind of like spiders and cockroaches.

– Think of the coolest thing you can imagine, and the second-coolest thing you can imagine. Now picture the second-coolest thing balancing on top of the coolest thing. ladytabitha is cooler than that.

– Experiences are more rewarding than possessions.

And finally, the #1 thing I learned on a spontaneous 2600-mile weekend road trip to Boston:

– Life rewards courage.


In completely unrelated news, I returned to discover a form from the Post Office saying that the package I sent to ame_chan was destroyed in transit, oops, so sorry, and that if I liked, they’d be happy to try to locate the contents, which might be in their damaged parcels facility in St. Paul, MN, but then again, might have been eaten by a goat. Sorry about that! I’ll try again tomorrow…

36 thoughts on “Everything I ever REALLY needed to know…

  1. Just how long does it take you to travel 1300 miles (one way, I presume)?

    The most I ever drove in a day was 1000, and I was absolutely shattered. And I might have had to break the speed limit to do it, too.

    • Right around 22-23 hours, depending on traffic around DC and New York.

      Fortunately, I didn’t drive the distance myself. 🙂 I have driven Boston to Ft. Myers (FL), which is about 1600 miles, by myself, and Ft. Myers to Poughkeepsie by myself, but that was when i was younger and much more foolish–and it took days to recover.

  2. Just how long does it take you to travel 1300 miles (one way, I presume)?

    The most I ever drove in a day was 1000, and I was absolutely shattered. And I might have had to break the speed limit to do it, too.

    • Re: Overcome by curiosity….

      Not all that much of a story. They ended up all over the house after my birthday party last month–a friend of mine brought a couple of boxes over, then hid them in some very unlikely places throughout the house. I still don’t know if we’ve found them all!

    • We’ll be up there in three weeks (starting April 28 and leaving early on May 2). We took a quick, spur-of-the-moment drive up there over the weekend, stayed about ten hours and drove back…so no, you didn’t miss us. 🙂

      • You’re in the Boston area, right?

        Yep.

        We’ll be back up (for four and a half days) starting on April 28…

        I shall be going to Atlanta on May 1st (until the 4th), but perhaps I can meet y’all sometime between the 28th and the 30th? I appear to have nothing going on the 28th or 29th evenings, at the moment.

        • Sounds good! I still don’t know which of those three days will be taking off work, so the schedule is very up in the air, but I think we’ll work something out…

          Any idea yet about what’s most convenient for you?

          • Most convinent? Well, either the evening of the 28th or 29th is fine; evening defined as however long it takes me to get to wherever you two are from Westford (most likely, somewhere around 45 minutes) when leaving at 5:30pm.

            Or is that not what you were asking?

          • Sounds good; I’m trying to coordinate with and too, so I’m just trying to figure out what everyone’s availability is.

            Gonna be a busy trip, and no doubt about it. 🙂

  3. – Thou Shalt Not Take The Words Of The Oracle Of Mapquest As Gospel, For Verily They Do Lie From Time To Time, Just To Keep You On Your Toes
    You’re just now figuring this out?

    – Yes, you do need to pee. You only think you don’t.
    I’ve been saying this to my kids for years, but not in so may words. More, actually. I like your version. Succinct.

  4. – Thou Shalt Not Take The Words Of The Oracle Of Mapquest As Gospel, For Verily They Do Lie From Time To Time, Just To Keep You On Your Toes
    You’re just now figuring this out?

    – Yes, you do need to pee. You only think you don’t.
    I’ve been saying this to my kids for years, but not in so may words. More, actually. I like your version. Succinct.

  5. We’ll be up there in three weeks (starting April 28 and leaving early on May 2). We took a quick, spur-of-the-moment drive up there over the weekend, stayed about ten hours and drove back…so no, you didn’t miss us. 🙂

  6. Right around 22-23 hours, depending on traffic around DC and New York.

    Fortunately, I didn’t drive the distance myself. 🙂 I have driven Boston to Ft. Myers (FL), which is about 1600 miles, by myself, and Ft. Myers to Poughkeepsie by myself, but that was when i was younger and much more foolish–and it took days to recover.

  7. Re: Overcome by curiosity….

    Not all that much of a story. They ended up all over the house after my birthday party last month–a friend of mine brought a couple of boxes over, then hid them in some very unlikely places throughout the house. I still don’t know if we’ve found them all!

  8. You’re in the Boston area, right?

    Yep.

    We’ll be back up (for four and a half days) starting on April 28…

    I shall be going to Atlanta on May 1st (until the 4th), but perhaps I can meet y’all sometime between the 28th and the 30th? I appear to have nothing going on the 28th or 29th evenings, at the moment.

  9. 46 hours round trip, actually…about 23 hours each way. 🙂

    We were only able to stay there for about 14 hours, but it was utterly worth it.

  10. Sounds good! I still don’t know which of those three days will be taking off work, so the schedule is very up in the air, but I think we’ll work something out…

    Any idea yet about what’s most convenient for you?

  11. Most convinent? Well, either the evening of the 28th or 29th is fine; evening defined as however long it takes me to get to wherever you two are from Westford (most likely, somewhere around 45 minutes) when leaving at 5:30pm.

    Or is that not what you were asking?

  12. Sounds good; I’m trying to coordinate with and too, so I’m just trying to figure out what everyone’s availability is.

    Gonna be a busy trip, and no doubt about it. 🙂

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