DragonCon!

ZOMG. I’m trying to think of a balanced and reasonable way to describe the past several days. I’d say things like “best con ever” and “the most amazing five days a human being can ever hope to imagine in this life or the next,” but I don’t know if they really convey quite how I feel.

Unfortunately, I’m still totally exhausted (despite about twelve hours’ worth of sleep), and I’m nowhere near cogent enough to be able to write about Dragon*Con. So instead I’ll do something I generally don’t do, and just re-post messages from my Twitter account. The following text is probably not safe for work

Fun Historical Facts #107: Abraham Lincoln and Han Solo

Not many folks know this, but at the end of the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln was cloned.

The clone was genetically modified to gigantic proportions, then immediately frozen in Carbonite. Once his life signs were stable, the gigantic clone of Abraham Lincoln was transported to Laramie, Wyoming, where he would remain in storage until the zombie apocalypse.

When that day comes, Lincoln will be free of his Carbonite shell, ready to offer his leadership to save the Union once again. Folks around these parts sleep easier knowing that Lincoln stands ever ready, prepared once more to save us all.

How I wake up

Uncompressing kernel……done.
Loading kernel………………………

FRANKLIN version 8.4(1) loaded. Good morning!

Loading sex drive framework….done.
Current arousal level is 8 (0-9)

Loading soundtrack…done.
Current music playing inside your head is:
VNV Nation, Standing

Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Throttling respawn
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Note: Last message repeated 47 times

Loading device drivers…………..done.
Probing devices:
Found 2 arm(s)
Found 2 leg(s)
Found 1 head(s)
*** WARNING: Head hurts, skipping further integrity checks
Found 1 sex organ(s)
Note: Current arousal level changed to 9 (0-9)

Loading speech centers… *FAILED*
Will retry in background

Registered new device: hands
Registered new device: feet
Registered new device: nose
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic
Registered new device: eyes
Initializing visual centers…… *FAILED*
Initializing visual centers…… *FAILED*
Initializing visual centers…… *FAILED*
Note: Last message repeated 16 times
Initializing visual centers…… done, loading object recognition framework
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic

Initializing to-do list… done
Note: “Go pee” moved to top of to-do list
Note: “Go pee” urgency changed to 7 (0-9)
Loading speech centers… *FAILED*
Will retry in background

Current runlevel is now 1
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic
Initializing object recognition framework…………..done.
Identified 1 object(s): pillow
Identified 1 object(s): pillow
Identified 1 object(s): pillow
Identified 1 object(s): pillow
Identified 1 object(s): cat
Identified 1 object(s): blanket
*** WARNING: cat is biting nose
*** WARNING: cat is biting nose
Note: Last message repeated 15 times
Note: “Go pee” urgency changed to 8 (0-9)
Loading speech centers… *FAILED*
Will retry in background

Current runlevel is now 2
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic
*** WARNING: cat is biting nose
Loading motor control…….done.
Note: “Move cat” moved to top of to-do list
Note: “Move cat” urgency changed to 9 (0-9)
Loading speech centers…done
Note: “Go pee” urgency changed to 9 (0-9)
Note: Added “Find food” to to-do list
Note: “Find food” urgency changed to 8 (0-9)
FRANKLIN version 8.4(1) running on device 0 runlevel 2
Good morning, Franklin! Time to face the day!

Linky-Links: iPanties, Discordianism, and God is a hit man

This will appeal to a number of folks on my flist: Discordian Quotes, a fun little project brought to you by a friend of mine. Sample quotes:

– A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
– Epistemological relativism may be true for you, but it isn’t true for everyone.
– Good for you, you’ve learned to extinguish your personality for my comfort

There’s even a Twitter feed!

Next up, for those of you with iPhones, there are now iPanties to go along with them!

Yep, that’s right, panties with the iPhone’s iconic “Slide to Unlock” graphic. There are some iPhone users on my flist who I wouldn’t mind seeing in these. Hell, there are some non-iPhone users on my flist who I wouldn’t mind seeing in these. Wouldn’t object too much to sliding where required to unlock them, either.

And finally, to some Baptists, God is a gun for hire. These people, who are currently busy praying for God to strike Obama dead, subscribe to a principle called “imprecatory prayer”–the notion that the book of Psalms validates calling upon God to kill one’s enemies.

Linky-Links for the Day, Now With Bonus Video!

Once again, Safari has so many windows open that my computer is bogged down and my swap file is growing like the Federal deficit, so here we go!

Psychology/sociology

Half of your friends lost every seven years

Had a good chat with someone recently? Has a good friend just helped you to do up your home? Then you will be lucky if that person still does that in seven years time. Sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst investigated how the context in which we meet people influences our social network. One of his conclusions: you lose about half of your close network members every seven years.

Why do women have erotic rape fantasies?

A bit shallow, I think, and doesn’t really go into as much detail as I’d like to see about things like perception of desirability and blame avoidance, but kudos for mentioning that acting out such fantasies can be challenging for the person playing the role of “perpetrator” as well as for the person pretending to be the “victim.”

Geek

Viral video hoax, or proof of impending cyber apocalypse?

As part of an ad campaign for a video game convention, a publicity firm created a phony video showing a group of hackers breaking into the computer-controlled lighting system of an office building and then playing Space Invaders on the building. (zensidhe, you’ll love the video int he article.) That’s not the interesting part–the interesting part is that McAfee thought the video was real and started sounding alarms about evil hackers attacking building infrastructure.

Art

Other Uses for Books

Books carved into three-dimensional sculpture. some of the bits of artwork are amazing.

Wonderful Body Painting (NSFW)

Highly stylized body painting involving blending a person into a patterned background. I’d love to be this talented.

Sex

Teen who auctioned virginity learns that taxes are the wages of sin

If you’re gonna make money, you’re gonna pay taxes. Especially if you’re in the country on a work visa, which puts you in a different tax class from the get-go…

LELO INEZ Luxury Vibrator

And by “luxury” they mean “expensive.” And by “expensive,” try $10,500. For a vibrator. A gold-plated vibrator, to be sure, but a vibrator nonetheless. At this price, I wonder how much each orgasm costs.

Ya-Ya Japanese Love Dolls (NSFW)

These things fall smack dab in the center of the Uncanny Valley for me. I can’t imagine having sex with one of these dolls outside of perhaps a forced humiliation scene or something. I can’t quite decide what’s creepier–the “mini” (childlike) ones, or the fact that the Web site carries a disclaimer reading “For those who wish to see photos other than what is on our homepage please contact us by email. These are limited only to customers who plan to make an order. Please refrain from making requests if you are not serious about ordering or in the same business.”

And speaking of scary sex toys, Woody Cock Ring and Nut Cruncher (NSFW)

What do you get when you combine a cock ring with a pair of alligator jaws? A sex toy designed for maximum discomfort of the man during sex. Just looking at this thing makes my eyes water!

10 Ridiculous Anti-Pornography Commercials

My own personal favorite, the anti-porn film made by Charles Keating (before he embezzled $1.2 billion from Lincoln Savings & Loan, triggering the collapse of the entire S&L industry) made the cut. The thing that’s most amazing about these videos is that they are sincere. The people who made them, truly believe them.

Physics fail

Hallmark Corporation Jumbo Snowman Snow Globe Recall

What is it? A giant, round glass ball, about ten inches wide, with a snowman’s head and arms on it. What’s wrong with it? If you set it on your windowsill, when the sunlight comes through the window the snow globe focuses the light into a tiny hot point and burns down your house.

Politics

Virgina bans smiles in DMV driver license photos

Because–get this–they’re now using facial recognition software on your mug when you get your driver’s license. And the facial recognition software can’t cope with smiling faces. So they now instruct everyone to adopt a “neutral expression” when being photographed, and reject any photo in which the subject is smiling.

Top 10 Rush Limbaugh Racist Quotes

Is there anyone who can explain to me why people still listen to this drug-addled, racist scumbag? Number one on the list: “I mean, let’s face it, we didn’t have slavery in this country for over 100 years because it was a bad thing. Quite the opposite: slavery built the South. I’m not saying we should bring it back; I’m just saying it had its merits. For one thing, the streets were safer after dark.”

Science

Reawakening Retrocyclins: Ancestral Human Defensins Active Against HIV-1

This is interesting. Some primates contain natural defenses to retroviruses that essentially make them immune to HIV infection. As it turns out, we have the gene that confers this immunity–but it’s dormant because at some point in our evolutionary past it became garbled. Now a group of researchers have figured out how to reactivate it.

Humor

Picture is Unrelated

Bizarre, funny, and “WTF?” images fro all over the Web. Some of these images make me scratch my head and wonder at the human condition.

Boston Police Department: We Will Let You Know When The Zombies Come

In case you were wondering.

And finally, a bonus video! This was sent to me by the-xtina, who has yet to be suitably punished for it, and it’s totally got me earwormed. Remember the melodramatic, utterly over-the-top music video for the 80s song “Total Eclipse of the Heart”? Well, this is what happens if you remove the lyrics and replace them with a literal transcription of what’s happening in the video itself. Safe for work, but your explosive peals of laughter might not be.

“What the effing crap? That angel guy just felt me up!” indeed.

It’s a whacky, whacky world…

So today the charming stranger who gave me candy at Frolicon has put me in her Web comic. Woot! Now my roommate the-no-lj-d and I have both been immportalized in Web comics for things that happened at conventions.

And, the kittycat Liam has made it on to LOLkink! (Note: That link is safe for work; the rest of LOLkink most definitely is not.

Tracking the Unicorn

Anyone who’s been around in the poly community has met, on at least 724 occasions, a married couple looking for a hot bisexual woman to come be their “third.”

In the interests of presenting a public service, I’ve prepared this handy guide to unicorn hunting–a flowchart for people looking for that hot bi babe. You can all thank me later.

This actually popped into my head while I was in the shower this morning, and refused to quit bugging me ’til I did something about it. Clicky on the picture to embiggen.

Link o’ the Day: Trans-simianism

With a tip of the (virtual) hat to figmentj:

Enough is Enough: A Thinking Ape’s Critique of Trans-Simianism

Klomp predicts that through a technology called ‘hygiene’ we could extend the simian lifespan well into the late 20s or possibly 30s. What exactly will the post-simian do with all that time? Do we really want to live in a society populated by geriatric 27- year- olds? In living so long and spending so much time ‘thinking,’ do we not also run the risk of becoming a cold, passionless race incapable of experiencing our two emotions (fear and not fear)? How much of our simianity are we willing to sacrifice for this notion of progress?

Rest assured that while Klomp may have accrued a recent following, there is no reality to his fantastic claims. What is concerning is the increasing number of young apes spending less time clubbing animals and more time ‘inventing,’ ‘thinking’ and ‘creating,’ none of which contribute to the preservation of the simian way of life. These sorts of fads come and go, however, and this author is confident that in a short while everyone will have forgotten about Klomp and the notion of being anything more than an ape.”

A List of Linky-Links

Ok, folks, time for another of Franklin’s web browser dumps! Ready? Let’s go!

Old Russian nuclear technology

Two links from the EnglishRussia Web site today, both of them concerning cold-war-era Soviet nuclear technology. Those Russians never met a nuclear reactor they didn’t love.

Abandoned Russian nuclear lighthouses

What do you do if you have a whole lot of Arctic waterfront you need to put lighthouses along, but there’s no power or habitation anywhere nearby? Embed nuclear reactors in the lighthouses, seal ’em up, and forget about ’em!

Russian self-propelled nuclear reactors

Small reactors designed to be driven out to remote villages, available in two different styles–crawler models and tractor-trailer rigs.

Science and Technology

The importance of stupidity in scientific research

The thing about doing real research is that you’re trying to answer questions nobody has answered yet. You can’t look up the answers in a book, because nobody knows them. That’s the point. If that makes you feel stupid, that’s OK.

Yeast-powered fuel cell feeds on human blood

They’re still crude and not very powerful, but fuel cells that can create energy from your blood may one day power everything from pacemakers to insulin pumps to synthetic organs.

Debate about vaccine hilights sexual double-standards

When the HPV vaccine was first approved for use in girls, opponents raised a stink that vaccinating against STDs could cause girls to become sexually promiscuous. Now that the vaccine is being studied in boys, critics talk about its effectiveness and its safety–but don’t seem to argue that it will result in boys becoming promiscuous.

My Bionic Quest for Bolero

One person’s experience with trying to reprogram his cochlear implant to make it high enough resolution for him to appreciate music. (Note: Wired can’t get its act together with HTML doctype and encoding tags, so Mac users will have to click View->Text Encoding->Western (ISO Latin 1) to make the weird garbled characters in the story display properly.)

Sex

New Scientist: Spanking and BDSM bring couples closer together

The title says it all, really.

Art

From drjon, who has a habit of posting links that cause me to waste tremendous amounts of time:
Naked Urban Exploration.

Not safe for work, but quite lovely. If you like the (female) human body and you like urban decay, this site’s for you. I’m especially fond of this photo.

Colorful high-speed photos of air rifle pellets hitting stuff

I have an entire essay brewing about the physical world we live in and how it’s only a tiny, crude approximation of all that exists on the back burner right now, inspired by these pictures.

My Little Pony gets a Hollywood makeover

My Little Pony, re-imagined as Slave Leia, Edward Scissorhands, the alien from “Alien,” and more.

Houdini Chair Ensure Your Guests Will Stay for Dessert

One part functional utilitarian object, one part bondage, one part art.

Humor

50 reasons why nobody wants to publish your book

“The world isn’t quite ready for an illustrated children’s book called SOME MOMMIES ARE INTERNET PORNSTARS” and 49 more.

World of Warcraft: The Lich King in IRC chat

Spider pride!