Tracking the Unicorn

Anyone who’s been around in the poly community has met, on at least 724 occasions, a married couple looking for a hot bisexual woman to come be their “third.”

In the interests of presenting a public service, I’ve prepared this handy guide to unicorn hunting–a flowchart for people looking for that hot bi babe. You can all thank me later.

This actually popped into my head while I was in the shower this morning, and refused to quit bugging me ’til I did something about it. Clicky on the picture to embiggen.

110 thoughts on “Tracking the Unicorn

    • I like the idea.. however I have some questions.

      Obviously it’s far too easy to put in a set of criteria that matches your exact requirements and get zero. The obvious solution is to *find* the unicorn, but on mailing them get a response that they’ve met their unicorn. Then repeat..

      Is the website presented as serious, or a sarcy pisstake? (‘Welcome back, Special Snowflake! We have found five potential unicorns for you – all hot, talented, rich and amazing in the sack. Their requirements are for someone exactly like you! CurvyPhDMillionaire63 is searching for “a fairly ugly guy who likes going to the pub, doesnt exercise, has no hobbies, never reads and works in McDonalds”. Get in there, my son!’)

  1. *laughs until he falls over*

    Right now, someone is looking at that and going “Bah! *I* don’t do that! I just can’t find a Hot Bisexual Babe because….”

    You know it’s true.

  2. *laughs until he falls over*

    Right now, someone is looking at that and going “Bah! *I* don’t do that! I just can’t find a Hot Bisexual Babe because….”

    You know it’s true.

    • There are lots of single bi-males on swingers websites. Lots of them. But just like in the poly community, not so many bisexual females looking to get with couples. This same flowchart could just as easily apply to swingers.

  3. Flowchart for Hot Bi Babe Looking for a Couple

    Too easy! I can do it in here:

    [Post ad online] -> [Receive more responses than you know how to deal with] -> [Attempt to pick the least sleazy]

  4. Flowchart for Hot Bi Babe Looking for a Couple

    Too easy! I can do it in here:

    [Post ad online] -> [Receive more responses than you know how to deal with] -> [Attempt to pick the least sleazy]

  5. as a unicorn myself (at least to some folks) I TOTALLY agree.

    (and you didn’t even touch on if HBB has kids, will have any legal issues with grouping, any average day to day life stuff etc.)

  6. as a unicorn myself (at least to some folks) I TOTALLY agree.

    (and you didn’t even touch on if HBB has kids, will have any legal issues with grouping, any average day to day life stuff etc.)

  7. Re: Flowchart for Hot Bi Babe Looking for a Couple

    Clearly I wasn’t feeling at my most cynical last night, as I failed to add step four:

    -> [realise they’re *all* sleazy]

  8. um…..that statement goes both ways.

    In 3 of the 5 “couples” I have been with…at least 1 was flippin off their rocker.

    Usually it was the wife.

  9. funny but not so funny?

    Hmm…check your ‘higher than thou’ attitudes everyone…there is a lot of stereotyping being thrown around here…

  10. funny but not so funny?

    Hmm…check your ‘higher than thou’ attitudes everyone…there is a lot of stereotyping being thrown around here…

  11. There are lots of single bi-males on swingers websites. Lots of them. But just like in the poly community, not so many bisexual females looking to get with couples. This same flowchart could just as easily apply to swingers.

  12. I like the idea.. however I have some questions.

    Obviously it’s far too easy to put in a set of criteria that matches your exact requirements and get zero. The obvious solution is to *find* the unicorn, but on mailing them get a response that they’ve met their unicorn. Then repeat..

    Is the website presented as serious, or a sarcy pisstake? (‘Welcome back, Special Snowflake! We have found five potential unicorns for you – all hot, talented, rich and amazing in the sack. Their requirements are for someone exactly like you! CurvyPhDMillionaire63 is searching for “a fairly ugly guy who likes going to the pub, doesnt exercise, has no hobbies, never reads and works in McDonalds”. Get in there, my son!’)

  13. I had to come and track this down after finding these guys (cut for length and anonymity, and emphasis is mine):

    “We have been looking for our ideal mate 14 years now. … wanting a slim bi-female or single bi-mom 17-35 with small children and wanting the bi-female or bi-mom to be completely free of their ex-lovers and or father(s) to their children. We wanted her to live-in and create a interracial poly family, since I am Black and my partner is Asian. Unfortunately we have been unable to have children and cannot adopt. Neither of us have close friends or family who agree with our very liberal views on sex, child rearing or life in general. We feel a poly relationship would give us the close family and friends all wrapped up in one person and any children she might have. We also felt her children would grow up with us three and we and they would come to feel connected emotionally and spiritually. Finally, we could use help in our home and know that if anything happened to one of us, the other would not be left alone in this often cold and insensitive world. Both of us have slowly come to accept we may never find the person we seek. Some people have accused us of being too picky, yet, we are picking a life partner. Why should we pick someone out of loniliness, someone who is seriously over weight that neither of us are sexually active (I believe they meant ‘attracted to’), someone who want to rear their children in a non-sexual, censored and “vanilla” lifestyle? We have been members of many poly groups and ran ads also but most ended in having racist insults, insults about our age difference ( they saw me as having one foot in the grave) and I should give my partner over to a younger man, lesbian women who wanted my apartner and not me or wanted me to make mixed race babies for them and their boyfriend and or husband. So it has been very disappointing. We hope to find that person on [website]”

    So… not only do they want a woman to come and sleep with both of them, and nobody else, do their housework and look after the babies, they want her to *have* the babies too. I note that they make no mention of what they expect this imaginary third person to get out of the relationship. Having checked out their profile on the site where I found this, apparently it’s also important that their victim, I mean, breeding slave, I mean, ‘ideal partner’ is shaved.

    Amazing…

  14. I had to come and track this down after finding these guys (cut for length and anonymity, and emphasis is mine):

    “We have been looking for our ideal mate 14 years now. … wanting a slim bi-female or single bi-mom 17-35 with small children and wanting the bi-female or bi-mom to be completely free of their ex-lovers and or father(s) to their children. We wanted her to live-in and create a interracial poly family, since I am Black and my partner is Asian. Unfortunately we have been unable to have children and cannot adopt. Neither of us have close friends or family who agree with our very liberal views on sex, child rearing or life in general. We feel a poly relationship would give us the close family and friends all wrapped up in one person and any children she might have. We also felt her children would grow up with us three and we and they would come to feel connected emotionally and spiritually. Finally, we could use help in our home and know that if anything happened to one of us, the other would not be left alone in this often cold and insensitive world. Both of us have slowly come to accept we may never find the person we seek. Some people have accused us of being too picky, yet, we are picking a life partner. Why should we pick someone out of loniliness, someone who is seriously over weight that neither of us are sexually active (I believe they meant ‘attracted to’), someone who want to rear their children in a non-sexual, censored and “vanilla” lifestyle? We have been members of many poly groups and ran ads also but most ended in having racist insults, insults about our age difference ( they saw me as having one foot in the grave) and I should give my partner over to a younger man, lesbian women who wanted my apartner and not me or wanted me to make mixed race babies for them and their boyfriend and or husband. So it has been very disappointing. We hope to find that person on [website]”

    So… not only do they want a woman to come and sleep with both of them, and nobody else, do their housework and look after the babies, they want her to *have* the babies too. I note that they make no mention of what they expect this imaginary third person to get out of the relationship. Having checked out their profile on the site where I found this, apparently it’s also important that their victim, I mean, breeding slave, I mean, ‘ideal partner’ is shaved.

    Amazing…

  15. Just got chatted up on OKC by a blatant unicorn hunter. Usually my profile keeps them away, but there were clearly using the broadcast approach and not actually reading profiles. I was thinking of suggesting they try their local escort agency, but instead I sent them here.

  16. Just got chatted up on OKC by a blatant unicorn hunter. Usually my profile keeps them away, but there were clearly using the broadcast approach and not actually reading profiles. I was thinking of suggesting they try their local escort agency, but instead I sent them here.

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