How I wake up

Uncompressing kernel……done.
Loading kernel………………………

FRANKLIN version 8.4(1) loaded. Good morning!

Loading sex drive framework….done.
Current arousal level is 8 (0-9)

Loading soundtrack…done.
Current music playing inside your head is:
VNV Nation, Standing

Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Throttling respawn
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Loading device drivers………….. *FAILED*
Note: Last message repeated 47 times

Loading device drivers…………..done.
Probing devices:
Found 2 arm(s)
Found 2 leg(s)
Found 1 head(s)
*** WARNING: Head hurts, skipping further integrity checks
Found 1 sex organ(s)
Note: Current arousal level changed to 9 (0-9)

Loading speech centers… *FAILED*
Will retry in background

Registered new device: hands
Registered new device: feet
Registered new device: nose
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic
Registered new device: eyes
Initializing visual centers…… *FAILED*
Initializing visual centers…… *FAILED*
Initializing visual centers…… *FAILED*
Note: Last message repeated 16 times
Initializing visual centers…… done, loading object recognition framework
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic

Initializing to-do list… done
Note: “Go pee” moved to top of to-do list
Note: “Go pee” urgency changed to 7 (0-9)
Loading speech centers… *FAILED*
Will retry in background

Current runlevel is now 1
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic
Initializing object recognition framework…………..done.
Identified 1 object(s): pillow
Identified 1 object(s): pillow
Identified 1 object(s): pillow
Identified 1 object(s): pillow
Identified 1 object(s): cat
Identified 1 object(s): blanket
*** WARNING: cat is biting nose
*** WARNING: cat is biting nose
Note: Last message repeated 15 times
Note: “Go pee” urgency changed to 8 (0-9)
Loading speech centers… *FAILED*
Will retry in background

Current runlevel is now 2
*** WARNING: nose hurts, loading diagnostic
*** WARNING: cat is biting nose
Loading motor control…….done.
Note: “Move cat” moved to top of to-do list
Note: “Move cat” urgency changed to 9 (0-9)
Loading speech centers…done
Note: “Go pee” urgency changed to 9 (0-9)
Note: Added “Find food” to to-do list
Note: “Find food” urgency changed to 8 (0-9)
FRANKLIN version 8.4(1) running on device 0 runlevel 2
Good morning, Franklin! Time to face the day!

38 thoughts on “How I wake up

  1. Fucking hilarious. You’re the only person I know who has as much trouble getting up in the morning as I do. This could have been written about me (minus the cat biting the nose thing … my cat just sits on my chest, and your cat doesn’t bite my nose, he steals my hand)

  2. Fucking hilarious. You’re the only person I know who has as much trouble getting up in the morning as I do. This could have been written about me (minus the cat biting the nose thing … my cat just sits on my chest, and your cat doesn’t bite my nose, he steals my hand)

  3. Ya know…I don’t really consider myself all that “geeky”, but this made me laugh. Especially making the connection of “nose hurts” to “cat biting nose”. And btw, I’m just as completely dysfunctional in the mornings.

  4. Ya know…I don’t really consider myself all that “geeky”, but this made me laugh. Especially making the connection of “nose hurts” to “cat biting nose”. And btw, I’m just as completely dysfunctional in the mornings.

  5. Ok, almost 50 failures of the device driver loading sequence? Only using 2 of the additional 8 digits afforded you by the 4th bit for Urgency and Arousal level?

    …are you running on a microsoft product? You poor, poor man…

    • Heh. It’s worse than that. Compared to my brain when i first wake up, a Microsoft program is a model of stability and reliability.

      And I bet that’s the first time anyone has ever said “a Microsoft program is a model of stability and reliability” without a “not” in between.

  6. Ok, almost 50 failures of the device driver loading sequence? Only using 2 of the additional 8 digits afforded you by the 4th bit for Urgency and Arousal level?

    …are you running on a microsoft product? You poor, poor man…

  7. Heh. It’s worse than that. Compared to my brain when i first wake up, a Microsoft program is a model of stability and reliability.

    And I bet that’s the first time anyone has ever said “a Microsoft program is a model of stability and reliability” without a “not” in between.

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