In honor of the current political situation in the US…

…and the Religious Right’s unceasing, relentless assault on freedom in the name of their narrow, parochial “morality,” and in light of the fact that there seems to be a never-ending obsession among certain political groups to tell us all how to have sex, under what circumstances to have sex, and even who to have sex with, I have created this new user pic.

I know there are a lot of folks on my friends list who are as appalled as I am about the idea that a government should find it appropriate to insert its nose under its citizens’ bedsheets. If you feel the way I do about this, please feel free to use this icon however you like. I’ve built it in two sizes, 100×100 pixels (for LiveJournal and other sites that use this size avatar) and 80×80 pixels (for forums and sites that use the smaller size avatar).

100×100 pixels

80×80 pixels

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

So as regular readers know, I’ve been having some problems with the IRS lately. At first they said they’d never received my 2006 tax returns (in spite of the fact that they cashed my check on April 16, in what has to be the only display of government efficiency I’ve ever witnessed), and then later told me that I needed to fill out some form dealing with income and expenses from my rental properties (despite the fact that I’ve…err, never owned any).

Well, yesterday they finally acknowledged that I have, in fact, paid my 2006 taxes…

…and sent me a check for $144 and change that they appear to believe I’ve overpaid.

I’m holding off on the celebration, though. Next month, I’m certain I’ll receive a letter from them saying “You know that check we just sent you? We’d like it back now, kthx. With interest.” Because, I don’t know, they’ll think i didn’t properly itemize my deductions from expenses incurred while invading France or something.

I knew my taxes were complicated, but apparently they’re too complicated even for the IRS to figure out.

Some thoughts on human sexuality

[Edit] The map has been updated since this post was made! The new, improved version is here.


Some time ago, a person named Katharine Gates designed a map of human sexuality. Her Web site appears to be defunct now, but the map has recently gained exposure in other places.

My first impression upon seeing this fetish map was that it was woefully incomplete. About the same time as I became aware of this attempt to map the range of human fetishes and sexual activity, I also saw a conversation on another forum in which a woman was complaining that she wanted to spice up her sex life, but she didn’t want to do too much, because if she did too much too fast then by the time she was 30 she’d have done every sexual act there was to do, and where would she be able to find sexual ideas after that?

That particular conversation, and another with an 18-year-old who claimed to be “bored with sex” because he’d “done it all,” got me to thinking about the range of the human sexual condition (vast beyond all reckoning) and the range of sexual things many people think there is (tiny).

I wanted to try my hand at designing a fetish map that would be a bit more complete than Ms. Gates’, and I thought, why not do it as an actual map? One of the ideas I wanted to convey was how small most folks’ sexual experience is, how small most folks’ conception of the whole range of sexual expression is, and how vast the actual range of sexual expression is. And, I thought, a map of an imaginary world might be a way to do that.

So here it is, the first version of what I’m sure will be many revisions of the Land of Human Sexuality. (Clicky on this map to see a bigger version. A much, much, much, MUCH bigger version.)

The land of most folks’ awareness is the Island of Mundania and the surrounding islands. Across the Straits of Fear is the portion of the continent that folks are generally aware of to some extent (gay sex, threesomes, light bondage, and so on). Beyond the Great Barrier Mountains and the Lesser Barrier Mountains, which demarcate the limits of common knowledge of different fetishes, lie the more exotic forms of sexual expression (natori, shibari, cosplay, fisting, puppy play, and so forth). In the frigid arctic wastes to the far north are those activities which only a very, very tiny percentage even of veteran, seasoned kinksters finds appealing (nullification, erotic cannibalism, necrophilia, and that sort of thing).

There’s no particular meaning to the size or color of the various areas; it’d be an impossible task to try to, for example, figure out how many furries there are compared to how many folks are into TENS units. Likewise, some of the activities listed could reasonably belong to more than one classification, and some things (like “gay sex”) are within the realm of knowledge of most folks but aren’t really activities per se (most sexual activities not requiring physical possession of a penis or a vagina can be done by people of any sex or sexual orientation). Nevertheless, when folks think of “sexual things to do,” gay sex does seem to be considered its own thing, even though it’s not actually an activity by itself, so it’s on the map–right across the Straits of Fear.

Anyway, I’d love to hear feedback and commentary on this map. I’v actually been working on it for quite a long time, and I suspect it’s still a work in progress–I know there are things I’ve forgotten. (It’s hard work trying to remember every form of fetish out there!)

Y’know, my birthday’s only five months away…

…and there’s an eBay auction going on right now for a full-size, hand-built, three-story-tall piece of Roman siege equipment, specially constructed by The Discovery Channel for a piece on the history of siege warfare.

I’m, y’know, just sayin’.

Fragments of Los Angeles: Fucking Machines

I’ve always been fascinated by fucking machines. The idea of a mechanical contraption designed and built to fuck the person riding it, relentlessly and tirelessly, appeals to the mad scientist in me. In fact, I could easily see myself making a living designing and building fucking machines, were it not for the fact that I lack patience and attention to detail, two qualities of incalculable value in the performance of said job functions.

Indeed, I’ve always wanted to own a steam-powered fucking machine, because the notion of such a thing appeals to my sensibilities on so many levels. It strikes me as being at once quintessentially steampunk and also a repudiation of Victorian social mores; and besides, how awesome would it be to have a partner being fucked by an enormous, clanking machine with jets of steam issuing out of it, while I cackle with glee and scamper around tending to the boiler and oiling the various parts of the machine with an oil can?

Ahem. But I digress. In any event, such a machine would be impractically big and unreasonably dangerous, and conversations with physicsduck about the practical realities of such a machine soon dashed any hopes that I might one day own such a thing.

However, I still like fucking machines, and on my trip to Los Angeles I met a couple of folks who do make their living designing and selling such machines. And they gave me one. Which is–get this–designed to accommodate two people at once.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the Monkey Rocker Tango: The rest is even less safe for work

Good news for Mac owners

So it turns out we may see a respite, even if only for a while, in new infections with the Mac DNSchanger malware.

The story starts with an Estonian company operating out of the US, called ESTdomains, and its associated Web hosting company, ESThosts. ESTdomains is the preferred domain registrar for Eastern European cybercriminals, who often host viruses and malware on its sister company ESThosts.

ESThosts relies on an upstream ISP called Intercage for its connection to the Internet. Happily, Intercage, which has long turned a blind eye to all kinds of criminal activity on the Internet, finally crossed the line and was dropped by its service provider. An new upstream provider rode to its rescue, only to have its packets dropped by an Internet backbone provider.

Why is this happy news for Mac users?

A while ago, I mapped out an underground network of virus and malware droppers, some of which were being used to spread the Mac version of the Zlob, aka OSX.DNSchanger, OSX.RSplug.A, or OSX.RSpluginA, malware.

Many of the sites that spread this malware were disguised as porn sites. Other sites were legitimate sites that had been hacked. Still other sites contained outdated, insecure versions of popular blogging or forum software such as WordPress and PHPnuke, and had been hacked to carry redirectors to the malware. Still other sites disguised the malware as antivirus software, or browser plug-ins, or any number of other things.

But–and here’s the interesting part–all of these fake porn sites, hacked blogs, hacked Web sites, hacked forum sites, and bogus software sites all pulled the malware from the same repository, a server living at IP address 64.28.178.27.

Which is in Intercage’s IP space, and so is currently unreachable.

Meaning that as of right now, the one server being used to spread the Mac DNSchanger malware is offline.

Now, I have no doubt that the bad guys are going to move the Mac malware to a different server at some point. But they are going to have to rejigger the rest of the network to point to the new server, which will take time. In the meantime, we should see a lot fewer infections with this malware.

Fragments of Dragon*Con: Saturn

One of the (few) panels I actually managed to drag myself to at Dragon*Con was a panel on the Cassini space probe currently poking around Saturn. The panel was hosted by Trina Ray, who works as Science System Engineer for the Cassini program at NASA–which is a pretty damn cool job to have, if you ask me.

In all fairness, it wasn’t the panel I had wanted to see. The panel I’d intended to see, whose name I don’t even remember now, was full; the Cassini panel was next door, and relatively empty, and my feet hurt. So in we went.

It turned out to be one of the best panels of the con.

The Cassini mission was originally intended to explore Saturn and one of its moons, Titan. Along the way, it’s discovered some strange and interesting things, particularly with regards to another of Saturn’s moons, Enceladus.

Now, Enceladus doesn’t really seem, at first glance, like a terribly interesting body. It’s basically a ball of ice about the size of Arizona; cold, distant, orbiting around Saturn like…well, like a big lump of frozen water.

Ah, but the universe is a vast and surprising place, full of weirdnesses too countless to apprehend.

Cassini has, among other things, instruments capable of analyzing and determining the chemical makeup of the matter around it. When it comes to pass that those instruments, while the ship is passing near a giant ball of ice, suddenly register a great deal of water, and then just as suddenly register bupkis, one parsimonious explanation is that the instruments are on the fritz. Another explanation is that there’s a massive honking big jet of water spewing for hundreds of miles out of the big lump of frozen water, but that doesn’t make any sense, does it? Big, cold lumps of frozen water aren’t usually in the habit of spewing out gigantic jets of liquid water, much to the relief of folks who own freezers everywhere.

Now, if there is a big jet of water spewing out of a ball of ice, it’s the sort of thing you’d expect to be able to see, particularly if you arrange to look for it when it’s backlit by the sun. Some rejiggering of orbital mechanics and other rocket-science stuff later, the Cassini was able to take a picture in just that sort of situation, and here’s what it saw:

Lookit that! A big honking jet of water.

Now, this isn’t the sort of thing you’d expect if you were talking about a ball of ice orbiting a distant gas giant. Enceladus is cold. It’s bright white, so it reflects most of what little sun is available from so far away. In fact, it’s actually, for the most part, the coldest object in orbit around Saturn, with surface temperatures near the equator of around -315 degrees Fahrenheit.

And yet, it’s spewing out jets of liquid water. Which is weird. It’s also hot at the poles. Which is weirder. And the heat is concentrated in weird stripes at the south pole, which is weirder still:

So what we’ve got here, basically, is a ball of ice that’s not really a ball of ice at all. It’s being heated by some internal process, it’s spewing out jets of water through fissures in the icy surface, these jets of water have all migrated (or possibly rotated the entire moon) so they’re exactly at the south pole, and…

Oh, wait, I forgot to mention something. It’s not just water. It’s also got organic molecules of various sorts in it.

What we’re left with, then, is a moon that’s got a crust of frozen water with a liquid core of molten water, in much the same way that the earth has a crust of solid rock with a liquid core of molten rock. The water within the moon spews out in huge plumes via a process called “cryovolcanism”–and how cool is that word, by the way? Cryovolcanism. The moon’s south pole is covered with cryovolcanoes.

And they spew out a lot of water. In fact, it looks like the largest ring around Saturn, the E-ring, is created by Enceladus. The ring is a vast structure of little tiny ice crystals, which come from these cryovolcanos on the moon’s surface.

Now, let’s sit back and think about this for a bit.

We have heat. We have liquid water. We have organic molecules. We have, in Ms. Ray’s words, a compelling reason not to ditch the Cassini, when it reaches the end of its life, on Enceladus.

Because, you see, those are the basic ingredients necessary for life–heat, water, organic molecules.


Now, if you look at most conventional science fiction, you see that a great deal of it is concerned with life in outer space–something which has never been demonstrated, but which nevertheless seems rather likely. And much of the bulk of this kind of science fiction concerns itself with life as it might exist in places that are like earth.

Which shows, I think, a failure of imagination.

The human imagination, as I’ve often said, is surprisingly feeble. When given a stunningly vast universe filled with all manner of weirdness, we set our imaginary stories in places that look like Wyoming. When confronted with the breathtaking diversity of biology just here on earth, the best we can come up with is imaginary creatures like Bigfoot–half man, half ape, all lame. When we ask ourselves how such a marvelous, beautiful place as the universe could come to be, the best we come up with is a bearded old guy who created the earth (whose surface is seventy-five percent water) exclusively for man (who has no gills), and since that epochal moment of creation has largely confined himself to a near obsession with women’s clothing and the occasional vaguely Mary-shaped swirl in somebody’s French toast.


I came away from the panel impressed all over again with the majesty and incredible, mind-boggling wonder and beauty of the physical universe. This stuff is so incredible, so fantastical, so amazingly bizarre and splendid that it’s hard to understand how anyone, confronted with this, could not be awed by the complexity and surprises the universe has to offer.

After it was over, Shelly turned to me and said “How come more people know about Britney Spears’ sister than know about this?” And you know, I don’t have an answer.