Exploring Portland: Bull Run

My sweetie zaiah has her master’s degree in engineering with an emphasis in water resource engineering, so last weekend she scored us seats on an eight and a half hour tour of Portland’s water collection and distribution network.

Which was pretty cool, actually, even if it did mean getting up at 7 AM.

Of the thirty or so people on the tour, I was the only one without a degree in engineering and/or working in the field of water resource management.

Portland’s water supply is interesting. The city’s water comes from the Bull Run watershed, which includes streams, rivers, and lakes in the Federally protected Bull Run watershed district–a largely pristine temperate old-growth rainforest.

It starts in places like this–streams fed by rain and springs. You can almost drink the water straight out of the stream here (at least if it weren’t for the possibility of microorganisms)–the water’s so clean that Portland doesn’t do any filtration at all. They chlorinate it to kill bugs, and they let it sit for a while in huge underground bunkers to give sediment a chance to settle out, but other than that it’s straight from here to the pipeline.

Well, with the exception of a couple of dams along the way.

And the dams are, heh heh, pretty damn cool, heh heh. Clicky here to see more!

Rural Decay

If you drive along Interstate 80 through Nebraska, you’ll see a lot of wheat fields, a lot of corn fields, and very little else.

If you keep at it, and drive until you feel the endless flat landscape pressing against your sanity like Nyarlathotep descending on a tasty morsel of virgin consciousness, you’ll reach exit 382.

There’s nothing there, really. A golf cart store, a gas station, a sign advertising an inn that’s been closed for years…that’s about it. There is also, just to the north of the interstate and a little more than a quarter of a mile from the exit, the ruins of a tiny wooden church, collapsing into decay.

The church itself is here:

When we drove past the church, I had no choice but to stop and photograph it. The ruins are beautiful beyond all comprehension. It’s a pretty hard slog from the exit, through thick brush, and a barbed-wire fence along the interstate prevented me from getting behind it. Plus, I got ticks while getting these pictures. Ticks! *shudders*

Some of these pictures would make awesome posters.

Clicky here for more!

High Weirdness of the Week: Lawson’s Vaginal Washer

From the depths of Victorian sexual prudery comes this device, the Lawson’s Vaginal Washer, designed to clean the inside of one’s vagina by means of a perforated water-spraying tube surrounded by–and I shudder to say this–rotating squeegee scrapers.

I can think of about a dozen uses for this in a BDSM context right off the top of my head. Just over half of them involve joreth. That brings two questions to mind:

1. Anyone know some person in the Portland/Seattle area with the necessary craft skills to build one of these?

and

2. Hey joreth, when are you coming to visit?

Origins II

On the trip out to Portland from Atlanta, I made a point to pass through Venango, Nebraska, the tiny farm town where I grew up.

I’ve posted about Venango before, with a Google Earth view of the house I lived in. This time, I was able to pay the house a visit at ground level. zaiah and I spent about three hours wandering around with a camera, and it brought back some half-submerged memories.

We spent the night before in a hotel in Ogallala, Nebraska, the nearest town with amenities like hotels and restaurants. Ogallala is about an hour and a half from Venango; I remember making the trip as a kid on those rare occasions when we wanted to do something like eat out at McDonald’s.

One of Ogallala’s features is this water tower, painted to look like a flying saucer. At night, a ring of lights around the walkway flashes. I’d entirely forgotten about this water tower, and was a little surprised to find that, thirty years later, it was still there. (And, from the looks of it, with a fresh coat of paint.)

There’s something appropriate about this icon. In small Nebraska communities, anyone who hasn’t been living there for several generations might as well be an alien. I can remember a kid I went to grade school with being regarded as an “outsider” because his family had only been there for a couple of generations.

As you can probably imagine, I blended in like a squirrel in a den of velociraptors. The notion that I was an alien was only made all the more stark because I didn’t like football, wheat, or playing football in wheat fields.

Instead, I launched model rockets in wheat fields. I also had the only computer in town (an antique Radio Shack TRS-80 that was state of the art at the time). There was a guy in a similar small town about three hours away (Brandon, Colorado) who had an Apple II computer.

Needless to say, we knew each other.

This is Venango as seen from the main (and only) highway into town. The big white structure, for those of you who aren’t farmers, is a grain elevator, where vast quantities of wheat can be stored before being shipped out by truck or rail.

The last time I saw these elevators was almost precisely thirty years ago. From the looks of them, they haven’t been painted in that entire time. At least they’re all still there; every so often, some damn fool walks into a grain elevator with a lit cigarette and blows the entire thing into low earth orbit (note to mad scientists on my flist: grain dust is explosive, yo).

This is the main street through the center of town. The grain elevators can be seen from almost every angle everywhere in town.

Normally, at this point in the post, I’d talk about some pleasant or funny little anecdote about growing up in this place, but I really don’t have one.

This is where I went to school. This building housed everyone from kindergarten through high school.

In my memories, the schoolhouse is huge; the reality is quite tiny. The first thing you see when you pass through those double doors is an enormous, dark polished wooden staircase leading up. That staircase still, to this day, features in some of my dreams.

Not that anyone has passed through those doors in a while. When the population of Venango started to fall shortly after we left, the school was closed. It’s been about fifteen years since the last time anyone has been there. The front lawn is still beautifully manicured, but nobody uses the building for anything. zaiah observed that an enterprising person who wanted to form an intentional community here could probably buy the place for a song and move in a dozen families or so, which would probably be the largest influx of residents in at least five decades.

The back of the school isn’t as nicely manicured.

One of the eerie things about this pace is that there are no children. Anywhere. We visited on a gorgeous, breezy summer midmorning, and no kids. We saw people walking around the town, we saw folks working at the grain elevator, but no kids. Had there been any, anywhere, I’ve got to believe that some of them would use this playground, but nothing. Ours were the only footprints. The playground equipment is covered with a fine dusting of rust. Nobody plays here. You could film zombie apocalypse movies here. It was weird.

Just as eerie is the fact that the place looks like it was just closed yesterday. When we looked through the windows, we saw all the trophies still in the trophy cases, and the cafeteria had a deep freezer whose lid was propped open with a Styrofoam cup. It gives the uncanny impression of having been closed for the summer and then never approached again.

My father worked here as a teacher (K-8), and as the athletics coach, and as the bus driver. The number of trophies in the cabinet was always a little surprising, as Venango was infamous for fielding the worst teams ever seen in any sport; our football team, for example, scored a combined total of six points for the entire season the last year I was there. We barely had enough students to have a football team; if one guy was sick, they didn’t play.

I swear this is the same mat they had in front of the door when I was a kid, now crumpled up beside the school and with weeds growing through it. Go panthers!

And speaking of team spirit:

This is, or was, the basketball court and football field behind the school. Each clump of trees you see off in the distance marks a house. The trees are planted as windbreaks and snowbreaks, to prevent wind-driven snow from burying the houses. Yes, I’m being serious.

The view from the front of the school toward the grain elevators. Everything in this town is centered on those grain elevators; without them, there’s no reason for the town to exist.

In the last thirty years, the town’s population has dropped from 242 to 167. Even with the grain elevators, one could argue that there’s no reason for the town to exist.

This is the road I grew up on. The clump of trees on the right is my old house; we drove past it on our first attempt to find it, so this is the view back toward the highway from the road. And finally:

The house I grew up in. From here, I played with my computer, launched model rockets, flew kites, built a huge hydroponics garden that was eventually taken over by spider plants, and generally stayed the hell away from the other townsfolk and their football-in-wheat-field ways. Place looks a little worse for the wear; the past few decades have not been kind.

We didn’t stop. I don’t care who’s living there now. I’m just happy it isn’t me.

Kittehs!

I spent the afternoon (well, part of it, anyway) playing with a gaggle of several-week-old Tonkinese kittens. These kittens tend to be social and gregarious, and like snuggling together in piles of cuteness which are called, I shit you not, “tonk piles”.

These guys are totally fearless and love crawling all over people, which is enough cute to drop a charging rhino in its tracks. They’re a cross-breed of Siamese and Burmese cats, without the Siamese neurosis.

Yes, they’re that cute. Yes, you’re jealous.

Made it!

Tomorrow begins the unpacking.

Well, err, at least in theory. zaiah has a job interview tomorrow that’s going to take up a good part of the day. But those of you who volunteered to help, I will likely be taking you up on those offers at some point late tomorrow afternoon or early tomorrow evening.

We made the unfortunate mistake of stopping at Fry’s on the way in, so now I have a toy radio controlled helicopter. (Curse you, Fry’s! Curse you!)

Liam is happy to be out of the truck, and seems more than willing to give zaiah‘s dog the what-for. He’s now entirely noctournal; he slept most of the day in the truck (at least after he quit letting us know that he would much prefer to have remained in the hotel room for the day) and no doubt will keep me up all night.

Liam’s Big Adventure, Day 4

Pushed through 663 miles yesterday, including a detour around Salt Lake City to avoid attack by revenant Mormonoids from the Deep.

Liam woke up very, very cranky, oh yes he did. It wasn’t until after we’d had breakfast that he finally calmed down. He spent the entire night (yes, the entire night!) chasing a moth around the hotel room, and I think he was sad to see it go.

Stopped for gas in Bliss, Idaho. There’s a false advertising lawsuit just waiting there, in case you were wondering. I’ve seen more bliss at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

In about five hours, we’ll be in Portland!

Fun Historical Facts #107: Abraham Lincoln and Han Solo

Not many folks know this, but at the end of the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln was cloned.

The clone was genetically modified to gigantic proportions, then immediately frozen in Carbonite. Once his life signs were stable, the gigantic clone of Abraham Lincoln was transported to Laramie, Wyoming, where he would remain in storage until the zombie apocalypse.

When that day comes, Lincoln will be free of his Carbonite shell, ready to offer his leadership to save the Union once again. Folks around these parts sleep easier knowing that Lincoln stands ever ready, prepared once more to save us all.

Liam’s Big Adventure: Day 3

Definitely in the home stretch now. Covered 471 miles today, including a jog to Venango, Nebraska, the town where I grew up. It was interesting to revisit Venango for the first time in 29 years; it re-awoke memories I barely even knew I still had.

Liam is now almost totally adapted to life on the road, and is starting to enjoy the trip almost as much as zaiah and I are.

Liam’s Adventure Continues!

Yes! More bandwidth crushing! Today’s installment: Des Moines to Ogallala. 461 miles, two photo ops, one giant tacky buffalo, many weird freaky-ass catfish, and an ice cream sandwich.