…I bring you the next chapter in the ongoing saga of “Is this cool, or does this suck?”
Together, we can find the One Universal Truth!
Because the search for Truth is a valuable thing…
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Tag Archives: humor
Ten Things I learned about the Future…
at Wired’s NextFest, A funny, scathing take on Wired Magazine’s festival of tomorrow. (Which does, by the way, include a reference to flying cars. I keep being promised flying cars in the future. Dammit, I want my flying car now! Where’s my goddamn flying car?
My own favorite news from the year 2100:
The elderly Japanese people of the future will be so desperately lonely for companionship that they’ll purchase slightly creepy android replicas of the drug-addled but brilliant sci-fi author Phillip K. Dick. Why the Japanese, and why Phillip K. Dick? It’s a long story, and I’m not sure I fully understood it all when the android’s makers explained it to me. I think I probably read the wrong books growing up as a kid, or maybe I now watch the wrong TV shows.
Man, the next singularity can’t get here fast enough.
I think the space aliens are trying to communicate with me
I see it everywhere–little hidden messages, secrets attempts at communication which are clearly meant only for me. They’re all around me, really. Written on scraps of paper, scrawled on the sides of buildings…I mean, what else can it be?
But I can’t figure out what they’re trying to say. Take this message, for instance, which the aliens left for me on my way to a client’s site a few days back:
What does it mean? What’s the significance of the mysterious number “452,” and where do they want me to take them to? I wish space aliens were less cryptic.
Bullshit! And other fun stuff
Spent most of the day yesterday with phyrra, nihilus, and nekidsteve, working on a role-playing game hat nihilus is putting together, and updating my Web site…props to sarahmichigan for her suggestions and proofreading.
Then, we watched a bunch of episodes of Showtime’s Penn & Teller: Bullshit! For anyone not fortunate enough to have seen this show…I can’t recommend it enough. It relentlessly skewers and debunks bullshit of all types, from the idea of the “traditional family” (a brilliant episode, which talked very positively about polyamory) to to ESP and “remote viewing” to feng shui.
And, after watching a large number of back-to-back episodes, I am pleased to announce:
The Unofficial
OFFICIAL PENN & TELLER: BULLSHIT! DRINKING GAME!
OFFICIAL PENN & TELLER: BULLSHIT! DRINKING GAME!
The rules, as with most drinking games, are very simple. The participants need their favorite libation of choice and a television set. Ready? Here we go!
As you watch an episode of Bullshit, be on the lookout for certain things. When you see your cues, drink up!
Things that are worth a sip
Take a sip of your beverage:
– Whenever Penn says “bullshit,” “asshole,” or “fuck”
– Whenever the show directly contradicts a statement made by a guest and provides evidence or a citation to back up the contradiction. (A citation provided by another guest counts.)
– Whenever the giant prop of the bull with the red horns makes an appearance (yes, the opening credits count)
Things that are worth a drink
Take a drink of your beverage:
– Whenever Penn says the exact phrase “And then there’s this asshole…”
– Whenever Penn insults God directly
– Whenever Penn insults a guest on that show before that guest has had a chance to introduce himself
– Whenever Penn insults a guest’s clothing
– Whenever a guest says something that makes Penn really, really angry
– Whenever Teller uses any kind of tool or implement to cut or pretend to cut any object
Things that are worth a chug
All players must chug their beverage:
– Whenever Penn compares any guest to a character in a movie, play, or television show
– Whenever Penn challenges God to strike him dead
– Whenever Teller removes any article of clothing, or anything approximating an article of clothing
– Whenever a naked person appears
– Whenever Penn says he never drinks. (The irony is just TOO delicious.)
Today’s philosophical musings
“The pen is mightier than the sword, but not as mighty as a flying cybernetic monkey with death-ray eyes.” Discuss.
The obligatory musings on Star Wars–not the newest movie, but the secret behind them all
Okay. So no real reason to critique Star Wars Episode III; it was exactly what I expected, which is to say clumsy direction, lots of eye-candy special effects, stunningly awful dialog (I actually slid down my seat and covered my face in embarrassment for George Lucas in a few of the scenes), lots of light-saber duels, and lots of screen time for Yoda. Better than the first two; not as good as it could have been. In short–about what everyone else is saying about the movie.
But i didn’t come here to talk about Episode III; I came here to talk about the dark secret that lies behind all the Star Wars movies, a dark secret that even George Lucas himself does not know. Once you understand this dark secret, and you re-interpret all six movies in light of it, many things in the movies suddenly make a whole lot more sense.
The dark secret is this:
Yoda is a Dark Sider.
Yes, you read that right. Yoda has given himself to the Dark Side of the Force, and in secret, subtle ways, helps the Sith to the best of his abilities throughout all the movies.
Yes, I know how that sounds. But think about all six movies, and bear with me here:
– Is the Jedi Council really that appallingly stupid and incompetent? I mean, really. C’mon. The Sith Lord is in the same goddamn room as them, and they can’t tell! He makes a blindingly direct and obvious play for power, and they can’t tell! Either the Jedi Academy requires IQ tests of all its applicants, and rejects anyone with an IQ over 85, or something else is up–namely, the most powerful member of the Council is working to ensure that the rest of hte Council stays in the dark.
– Yoda outclasses Count Dooku sixteen ways from Sunday–a better fighter, more powerful in the Force, and all-around better at everything he does–yet in the second movie, Dooku still somehow manages not only to escape, but to escape with the plans to the Death Star.
– Yoda doesn’t really seriously go after Sidius in the third movie. He makes a token show of it, gets the upper hand…and leaves. Not exactly convincing. Not exactly an overwhelming attempt from a person who’s just seen his friends murdered and is determined to protect the universe from sliding into the hands of the Sith at all costs. “Okay, tried I did. Leaving now I am. Ruling the universe you are. With how well that works out for you get back to me!”
– For a light-sider, Yoda has a whole lot of knowledge and skill at dealing with that crackly lightning-both dark side energy stuff; more, it seems, than…well, any Jedi, y’know?
– Yoda meets Luke. Yoda trains Luke. Luke takes off to go after Vader. Yoda says “No, wait you must, not ready you are, kick your ass he will…here, help you pack I will! Fun storming the castle you have!” Yoda’s goal was to get Luke captured.
– And speaking of getting people captured, great plan for hiding the babies, there, my little green friend. Geez, you sure tucked THEM out of sight! I mean, if Vader ever glommed on to the fact that he had a son running around somehwere, he’d NEVER think to start the search at his own family!
– Knowledge of the Clone Army in Episode II, and indeed knowledge of the entire star system where the clone army was being developed, was mysteriously wiped from the Jedi archives. By an insider. By an influential insider. They never did really address who that insider was, did they? Hmm…who would be in a position to do such a thing? Who indeed.
Seriously. Go back and re-watch the movies with the idea that Yoda is a Dark Sider in mind, and tell me that it doesn’t suddenly bring a lot of things into focus.
Link o’ the Day, Redux
For those puzzled by my last entry, which pointed to a protected entry, it’s available here: Why having two girlfriends is a really BAD idea.
Fun Link o’ the Day…
..ganked from sharq: The best Volkswagen ad that never was.
Movie, with sound, work-safe, and oh-my-god-die-laughing funny.
Some fun stuff, and a quiz!
We’ve been spending a lot of time with phyrra and nihilus lately; the Lingerie LAN Party was a blast, even if everyone did play World of Warcraft and Matrix Online exclusively. I was hoping for the opportunity to crush datan0de in my iron fist in Tiberian Sun, but perhaps next time. (I can only crush him at Tiberian Sun when we’re at a LAN party because it doesn’t work directly over TCP/IP; it works over IPX, and Git doesn’t seem to work with it.)
Also been spending a lot of time with S lately. We went clubbing with her and some of her friends last night (which might account for the fuzzyheadedness today), and had a blast.
True conversation with someone I met there last night:
Me: “I’m sorry, I’ve totally forgotten your name. What was it again?”
Her: “Nikki. It’s easy to remember. Just think of the Prince song when you think of me.
Me: “Hmm. Now that leads me to another question…”
Her: “Yes.”
Me: “Is that the answer to the question?”
Her: “Yes.”
So, on a completely unrelated note, here’s the quiz:
Sex is interesting only when it’s dysfunctional. The procreation part is boring; what makes it compelling is the fucked-up stuff it does to our heads.
Noted without comment
Quote out of context:
“Is that really true?”
“Is the Pope a Nazi?”