American cultural icons and such

I just tried my first Moon Pie.

Yep, that’s right, I’ve somehow managed to live in the United States for thirty-eight years without ever once sampling that staple of American snack food, the most canomical example of an entire class of cheap, low-quality snacks, the Moon Pie.

It was disgusting.

Which is what I expected, really. All the snacks in the class–HoHos, Ding Dongs, and so forth–are pretty bad, when it comes right down to it.

What surprised me was the way it was disgusting. It’s really not all that similar to, say, your average Little Debbie snack cake; it’s gross in unexpected new ways that are novel and slightly weird.

All in all, I’m glad I did it.

Everything I ever REALLY needed to know…

…I learned on a spontaneous 2600-mile weekend road trip to Boston. Things like:

– Thou Shalt Not Take The Words Of The Oracle Of Mapquest As Gospel, For Verily They Do Lie From Time To Time, Just To Keep You On Your Toes

– After 1,000 miles in the car, nobody wants to hear your Agent Smith impersonation.

– New Jersey has a smell that lingers.

– If you see six police cars in your rearview mirror, lights blazing and sirens screaming, closing fast behind you, just pull over and let them by. Even if you were speeding, they’re not interested in you. Seriously. In the grand scheme of things, you’re just not that important.

– When you’re debating the pros and cons of a very long drive to pay an unexpected visit to someone, don’t forget to account for the fact that you’re going to arrive at your destination smelling like armpit. Please, for the love of God, think of the children!

– Yes, you do need to pee. You only think you don’t.

– No matter how full your baggage is, there’s always room for a 7.62-caliber bullet. And a 7.62-caliber bullet is always an appropriate housewarming gift. Especially if you have a whole lot of ’em lying around as a result of the last party. Just sayin’.

– Police officers are social creatures. Wherever you see one, there are a lot more you don’t see. Kind of like spiders and cockroaches.

– Think of the coolest thing you can imagine, and the second-coolest thing you can imagine. Now picture the second-coolest thing balancing on top of the coolest thing. ladytabitha is cooler than that.

– Experiences are more rewarding than possessions.

And finally, the #1 thing I learned on a spontaneous 2600-mile weekend road trip to Boston:

– Life rewards courage.


In completely unrelated news, I returned to discover a form from the Post Office saying that the package I sent to ame_chan was destroyed in transit, oops, so sorry, and that if I liked, they’d be happy to try to locate the contents, which might be in their damaged parcels facility in St. Paul, MN, but then again, might have been eaten by a goat. Sorry about that! I’ll try again tomorrow…

The personalization thing…

I’m planning to get a personalized license tag for my car. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for quite a while.

I have a number of different tags I’d like to get, but I don’t know which one I like best. So, in the spirit of All Hail Discordia, I figure–what better way to express something personal than to follow the advice of a mob of people on the Internet?

So, here we go:
(Note that I may simply ignore what y’all have to say…just sayin’.)


The Truth(tm), revisited

Because you can never have enough truth.

You know the drill; for each f the following things, your job is to answer the simple question, “Is this cool or does this suck?” Let’s go!


Some thoughts on dead baby jokes

I don’t know anyone who’s never heard or told dead baby jokes (crude, very simple jokes designed to evoke an emotional reaction of disgust along the lines of “What’s the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies? You can’t unload bowling balls with a pitchfork!”). I told them myself when I was young; they seem to be a staple of American culture.

Or rather, that part of American culture that’s between, say, ten years of age and fourteen years of age. When you get above a certain age, dead baby jokes abruptly cease to be a part of your social landscape.

Over the last several days, ladytabitha has been sharing very creepy pictures of spiders with me. I know that the links she’s sending me will take me to creepy pictures of spiders; I’m not especially fond of spiders; yet I look at them anyway.

But I didn’t come here to talk about dead baby jokes or spiders. I came here to talk about the nature of reality.

To some extent, everyone constructs an illusion about the world we live in. We all like to feel safe, secure, and protected, and the reality is that none of these things is ever really true; a drunk driver, a careless mechanical engineer, or a religious extremist with heaven on his mind can intrude into our lives without warning at any moment, no matter where we may be.

It’s impossible for a person who is constantly in fear to function. So we build a set of emotional defenses, or construct an illusion of safety, that protects us emotionally; this illusion serves us because the fact is, the odds of a sudden and guesome death in a stadium collapse or at the hands of a terrorist, while not zero, are extremely small.

But we’re still fascinated by those things that frighten, disgust, or shock us.

That fascination takes many forms. When we’re young and unsophisticated, we tell dead baby jokes–which, crude as they are, are a mechanism for probing that simultaneous fascination and disgust. When we’re older, we watch Nightmare on Elm Street. As we become still more sphisticated, we read about Nazi atrocities and turn Stephen King into a cultural phenomenon.

Is it genetic? Is it hard-wired into us? I think it is.

The world is not always a pleasant placel there’s plenty within it that’s gruesome and horrifying. That fascination, I think, is an evolutionary adaptation; we’re fascinated by what’s repulsive because we live in a world where these things exist, and we need an emotional mechanism to deal with them. Without that compelling fascination, we would simply seek to avoid these things–stripping us of the tools to handle them when they happen.

So we tell dead baby jokes, and look at spiders, and read Stephen King, and develop a sort of gallows humor about it all. In the end, laughing at the Void does help protect us from it.

One step closer to the line…

NEW ORLEANS — It’s a groundbreaking court decision that legal experts say will affect everyone: Police officers in Louisiana no longer need a search or arrest warrant to conduct a brief search of your home or business.

Full story here.

Is it my imagination, or do we take one step toward totalitarianism with each passing day?