More fun from my inbox

So, this morning I woke to this delightful gem in my email. Snarkiness in italics. I <3 New Agers!

From: Patricia Cota-Robles Date: Mon, 09 Oct 2006 16:05:20 -0700
To: [munged]
Subject: A Cosmic Opportunity for Divine Government

by Patricia Diane Cota-Robles

An opportunity for divine government? Uh-oh. Isn’t that what the Christian Fundamentalists want, too? Divine government is always a bad idea…we’re off to an inauspicious start here!)

We have a rare Cosmic event occurring on October 17th and 18th that will
give us a jump-start in manifesting the things we would like to cocreate
in our own lives and on this planet. There is going to be an ultraviolet
pulse beam from higher dimensions than we have previously been able to
experience crossing the path of Earth.

Uh-oh. An ultraviolet pulse beam? Better wear my sunscreen! And not just any ultraviolet pulse beam, but one from a Higher Dimension! I hope they have good sunscreen in those higher dimensions, too…I can imagine higher-dimension beings walking around all sunburned all the time. Might make them a bit crabby.

We will be held in the embrace of this highly charged ultraviolet beam of
Light for approximately 17 hours. The energy emanating from this beam
resonates with Humanity’s 5th-Dimensional Solar Heart Chakras.

Well, fuck. Remind me to stay indoors. Not only is it ultraviolet light, but it’s highly charged, too! So not only are we going to get sunburned, we’re apt to get radiation poisoning as well.

Ahh! Now I get it! It’s an act of war! The higher dimensions are declaring war on us, and when they’ve reduced all life on earth to crispy critters, they’re going to occupy the planet and impose their own divine government! Goddamnit, as if I didn’t have enough to worry about already.

The Beings of Light are revealing that during this 17-hour period the
ultraviolet pulse beam will have the effect of amplifying our thoughts and
emotions ONE MILLIONFOLD. This will be the case regardless of what our
thoughts and emotions are expressing. Needless to say, it is imperative
for all of us to be Peace Commanding Presences during this auspicious

Amplifying our thoughts a millionfold? Seriously? A MILLIONFOLD? Well, Shelly should have no problem acing her physics test, then!

The ultraviolet pulse beam will be a wave of Light that traverses the
planet, so no matter what time zone you are in the important times will be
the same. For 17 hours, from approximately 10:17 a.m. on October 17th
until 1:17 a.m. on October 18th our thoughts and emotions will be
amplified ONE MILLIONFOLD. The peak time will be 5:10 p.m. on October

It’s that SPECIAL kind of ultraviolet light…you know, the kind that doesn’t travel at the speed of light.

And it keeps on going, and going, and going!