…an 18-year-old Kentucky student is sitting in prison on “terrorist’ charges for writing a short story for English class in which zombies overrun a school. The police detective in the case, one Steven Caudill, apparently doesn’t realize that the legions of the Undead aren’t in fact actually real, and said “Anytime you make any threat or possess matter involving a school or function it’s a felony in the state of Kentucky.”
Were I of a more cynical mindset, I might suggest that nobody can actually be as sunningly stupid as Detective Caudill is claiming to be, and that it’s more likely that Mr. Caudill is in fact cynically manipulating a fundamentally b0rked legal system to puff up his own personal fame. But I’m not really that cynical, of course; it’s possible that Detective Caudill really is that stupid. After all, it wouldn’t be the first time a police department deliberately sets out to weed intelligent people out of the force…
I… I kept looking for the give away that this was a parody story. A fake new article… just for laughs or something… The harder I looked, the more I felt like weeping… I really think this is for real…
What the hell were his grandparents thinking? There MUST be more to this story… there just HAS to be…
Boy, I’d love to be a fly on the wall during the arraignment, though…
“Mr. Poole, you are accused of seeking to raise a zombie army of the Living Dead to carry out a terrorist act against a school. How do you plead?”
“Your Honor, the fact that you can ask me that question with a straight face suggests to me that I will not be able to receive a fair trial in this courtroom.”
I’m beginning to think the mindless undead servants of evil aren’t really fictional at all; they’re working for the Kentucky District Attorney…
What I really want is to read the story. Sounds cool. He should strike while the irons hot!!!
“Read the story that frightened an entire town and lead to the authors arrest as a terrorist turned in by his own grand parents!!!”
Y’know, that’s a really, really good idea. He should definitely look for a publisher for the story. In fact, he should do it while he’s still in jail awaiting arrainment–“Read the story so dangerous, it had to be published from prison!”
I am sorely tempted to take this snippet of dialogue and put it to a writing prompt list just to see what will happen.
That sounds like a lot of fun, actually. It seems like a perfect opening for a Kafkaesque stort.
I… I kept looking for the give away that this was a parody story. A fake new article… just for laughs or something… The harder I looked, the more I felt like weeping… I really think this is for real…
What the hell were his grandparents thinking? There MUST be more to this story… there just HAS to be…
“Even so, police say the nature of the story makes it a felony. “Anytime you make any threat or possess matter involving a school or function it’s a felony in the state of Kentucky,” said Winchester Police detective Steven Caudill.”
Damn. If I were up for a little civil disobedience, I think I would drive to Kentucky with a DVD of Heathers, and then turn myself in to the local police for committing a felony by possessing matter involving threats and violence at a school.
…or the episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where the school gets destroyed. By their logic Joss Wheaton and Daniel Waters should also be arrested.
“Even so, police say the nature of the story makes it a felony. “Anytime you make any threat or possess matter involving a school or function it’s a felony in the state of Kentucky,” said Winchester Police detective Steven Caudill.”
Damn. If I were up for a little civil disobedience, I think I would drive to Kentucky with a DVD of Heathers, and then turn myself in to the local police for committing a felony by possessing matter involving threats and violence at a school.
I love that you can mail me death threats and I can’t do a damn thing – but if I write a short story I can go to jail. WTF??
Considering I get emails that say things like:
I will kill you!
I will send you viruses and fuck up your computer!
I will hack you!
I will fuck you up you fag!
I will sue you!
I wish I could do something to scare the crap out of the kids who send them, or make money off of it 😛
I do sympathize.
It’s supposed to be a federal crime to threaten someone’s life.
I don’t think they enforce it.
I love that you can mail me death threats and I can’t do a damn thing – but if I write a short story I can go to jail. WTF??
Considering I get emails that say things like:
I will kill you!
I will send you viruses and fuck up your computer!
I will hack you!
I will fuck you up you fag!
I will sue you!
I wish I could do something to scare the crap out of the kids who send them, or make money off of it 😛
I do sympathize.
It’s supposed to be a federal crime to threaten someone’s life.
I don’t think they enforce it.
Boy, I’d love to be a fly on the wall during the arraignment, though…
“Mr. Poole, you are accused of seeking to raise a zombie army of the Living Dead to carry out a terrorist act against a school. How do you plead?”
“Your Honor, the fact that you can ask me that question with a straight face suggests to me that I will not be able to receive a fair trial in this courtroom.”
I’m beginning to think the mindless undead servants of evil aren’t really fictional at all; they’re working for the Kentucky District Attorney…
Today’s news? That’s old stuff, man. 🙂
Yeah, it’s dumb. It’s almost as dumb as the little kid who got in trouble under the Zero
IntelligenceTolerance policies for pointing his fingers at somebody like a gun.http://tinyurl.com/4ge45
or food items…
http://tinyurl.com/55a9e
Today’s news? That’s old stuff, man. 🙂
Yeah, it’s dumb. It’s almost as dumb as the little kid who got in trouble under the Zero
IntelligenceTolerance policies for pointing his fingers at somebody like a gun.http://tinyurl.com/4ge45
or food items…
http://tinyurl.com/55a9e
What I really want is to read the story. Sounds cool. He should strike while the irons hot!!!
“Read the story that frightened an entire town and lead to the authors arrest as a terrorist turned in by his own grand parents!!!”
Y’know, that’s a really, really good idea. He should definitely look for a publisher for the story. In fact, he should do it while he’s still in jail awaiting arrainment–“Read the story so dangerous, it had to be published from prison!”
…or the episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where the school gets destroyed. By their logic Joss Wheaton and Daniel Waters should also be arrested.
I am sorely tempted to take this snippet of dialogue and put it to a writing prompt list just to see what will happen.
Heh. Who’ll be laughing when the school really *IS* overrun with the living dead? Fools!
Heh. Who’ll be laughing when the school really *IS* overrun with the living dead? Fools!
That sounds like a lot of fun, actually. It seems like a perfect opening for a Kafkaesque stort.