From the “You Can’t Make This Up” department…

I just got back from lunch at a popular seafood chain restaurant called Joe’s Crab Shack. There are public restrooms in this restaurant; the restrooms are down a hallway. A sign helpfully points the way.

However, the sign does not say “Restrooms” on it. Instead, it says…

Well, see for yourself.

Call to pervy electronics buffs on my flist…

So I have an iPhone now, which places me firmly in the ranks of the coveted “hipster” segment of the “consumer whore” demographic. One of the neat features of the new iPhone is GPS; in fact, it’s the reason I got the phone, since I was in the market for a GPS device and the iPhone plus GPS is actually cheaper than stand-alone GPS units.

Anyway, my roommate David also got an iPhone, and has been busy playing with the GPS on it like…well, I don’t really have a metaphor. Like a guy who’s having a lot of fun with a GPS gadget, I suppose.

The iPhone is now open to third-party developers, and the Cocoa API has been extended dramatically with all sorts of calls related to power management, Bluetooth, and GPS functionality. In other words, the GPS system is exposed to third-party developers.

David, who actually isn’t a perv, came up with an interesting idea, that he calls the “Virtual Leash.” His conception is of a sex toy like a vibrator, preferably Bluetooth-enabled (though I suppose USB would work as well), designed to be locked into place in one’s girlfriend. The device would be controlled by software on the iPhone that would monitor the wearer’s position via GPS, so that if she left some pre-determined area, the vibrator would start running. At full speed. And not stop until she returned to that area.

Neither my mad Bluetooth hacking skillz nor my iPhone development skillz are up to tackling this project, but I know several folks on my flist could probably make it work. Any takers?

How to Tie a Two-Column Weave

Note: This is part 8 of an occasional ongoing "how to" series on BDSM.

Part 1 of the series, How to Tie a Rope Harness Part I, is here.
Part 2 of the series, How to Tie a Frog Tie, is here.
Part 3 of the series, How to Tie a Shinju, is here.
Part 4 of the series, How to Make a Custom Dildo out of Ice, is here.

Part 5 of the series, How to Make a Spikey Decorative Collar, is here.
Part 6 of the series, Theory and Practice of Ginger Figging, is here.
Part 7 of the series, Rape Fantasy and Resistance Play, is here.

As you can probably figure out, most of these tutorials are really, really not work-safe.

This particular tutorial is reasonably work-safe, as long as seeing someone’s arms tied together is okay. There’s no nudity in the images in this tutorial. If it sounds like it’s up your alley, clicky the link!

Onward!

Another Content-Free Post

Specifically, a meme that’s a long list of questions, this time spruced up with many pictures and illustrations.

Clicky to learn more about Franklin

Doing something good

My sweetie figmentj is doing a blogathon event to raise money for charity. If you would like to participate (and I think it’d rock if you do), please go here to find out how. Extra karma points to everyone who pitches in; I have it on personal authority that each dollar donated wipes out one sin1 from your permanent record.

1 Some restrictions apply. Deadly sins not eligible for exemption. All taxes and duties are the responsibility of the donor. Offer not valid in California, because everyone knows that any sins you commit there are a permanent stain on your soul.

The world will look up and shout “Save us!”

…and I’ll whisper, “no.”

The Watchmen movie. Oh. My. God. One of my all-time favorite stories in any genre, and it looks like they are going to get it right.

Some thoughts on death

So a couple of days ago, joreth, David, and I went to see the movie “Hancock.”

This isn’t actually a post about the movie; it’s a post about transhumanism, human dignity, and the inevitability of death. Hang on for a bit; I’ll get to that, I promise.

The movie is surprisingly good. I expected a kind of “Airplane!”-esque send-up of superhero movies, but that’s not what it is at all. It’s a thoughtful, and in some places surprisingly sweet, story. And it does something I’ve never seen a superhero movie do before; it makes characters with superhuman abilities (flying, immunity to bullets, super strength, all the usual ones) human.

One interesting twist is that the main character, Hancock, never ages.

And that’s pretty cool. In fact, I’d take a write-off on all the other superhero powers for that one. Which is good, because it’s the only superhero power that doesn’t violate those pesky laws of physics, and the only superhero power we’re actually getting close to in the real world.

To me, the value in this seems like a no-brainer. And yet, the majority–by large margin–of folks I talk to don’t want it. And I find hat kind of interesting.


When i talk about living forever, most of the people I talk to, at least outside the transhumanist community, react with varying degrees of shock and horror. “But why would you want to do that?” is the most common response, by a mile.

Now, it seems to me the answer to this question is intuitively obvious to the most casual observer. Before I go into that, though, I think it’s probably a good idea to clear up what “live forever” means. That phrase can sound a bit scary, and seems to carry connotations of a kind of involuntary immortality to many folks.

When I talk about “immortality,” perhaps it would be better to say that I think death should be optional. I’m not talking about forcing people to live who don’t want to; I’m talking about changing the inevitability of death. Death should be an option to folks who want it, but it should not be compulsory.

I think that I may stop talking about “immortality” and instead start talking about “making death optional.” It might address some of the mental images that “immortality” conjures up with respect to a burdensome and unwanted life.

It’s also important to make clear that I’m talking about healthy life, as well. Any reasonable approach to solving the problem of death begins with solving the problem of aging. Life extension as an ever-increasing period of enfeeblement is a non-starter. For the purposes of radical longevity, what I’m talking about is a cessation of aging such that human beings have an indefinite lifespan with no upper limit, and that we will spend that time in healthy, strong bodies.


This kind of immortality, a life where people simply don’t age, is not the same thing as superhero, immune-to-bullets-and-everything immortality. If we solve aging, which is a biological process that operates like all other biological processes and is therefore subject to change, that’s what we will have.

As it stands now, we stop self-repairing and start falling apart in our mid 20s, and it’s all downhill from there. Conquering aging means keeping the physical strength and health of a 20something indefinitely. Which, honestly, doesn’t seem like a bad deal to me.

A person immune to the ravages of old age would still not be immune to death; accident, violence, and other misadventure is perfectly capable of ending even a 25-year-old’s life. It simply means that person no longer has a cap on the maximum time he can live, if he so chooses.

And that’s really what it’s all about. Choice.

Right now, we have no choice. The maximum possible human lifespan is somewhere around 120 years, if we make it that far, and that’s it.

This has been the reality of human existence for a very long time, and we’ve built entire philosophies around that reality. “Death gives life meaning,” we’re told. (What a load of rubbish! If I burn down your house, is that destruction the only thing that gives your house value?) “Death provides dignity,” we’re told. (Nonsense; decrepitude and death are among the least dignified parts of our existence. It is our choices, our freedom to make ourselves what we choose, that informs our dignity and our value. Anything which reduces our freedom to choose for ourselves what we want to be, including the inevitability of death, reduces human dignity.)


If you go into the doctor’s office, and he tells you that you have a bacterial infection, which will slowly grow progressively worse until it kills you painfully, then offers you an antibiotic pill that will completely eradicate the infection, I bet you’ll take it. Even if you don’t fancy the thought of living forever.

There’s an important point in that. Even folks who don’t much want to live forever still probably don’t want to die today. Or tomorrow. Someday, perhaps, if that “someday” is held in the abstract; some future time when things no longer seem interesting. But not today.

And that’s the point. A solution for aging puts the power to choose in your hands. Old age forces your hand; you don’t get the choice to see your grandkids graduate from school, or to celebrate your fiftieth anniversary…the choice is made for you. And I don’t see how that benefits anyone.


Now, some people have asked me why I would even want an extended lifespan in the first place. “Wouldn’t you get bored?” I’ve been asked. “Wouldn’t you eventually become too depressed at seeing everyone close to you die?”

The second question is easy. Presumably, if medical tech existed that could stop me from aging, it could stop the people around me from aging too.

The first question is a bit more baffling. Bored? With all the things going on in the world, all the time, who would ever be bored?

I think there’s an idea lurking in the subtext of that objection; namely, the sense that the future is just like the present, only longer.

Which is silly. One only needs to look at how much American society has changed in the last century to see that isn’t true. Within the lifetime of folks still alive today, we’ve gone from a largely agrarian society to a post-industrial society, with detours through powered flight, manned space exploration, and widespread electrification. A person born in 1900, in a one-room house with a dirt floor, has seen the advent of industrialization, the popularization of the automobile, manned moon landings, the taming of Niagra Falls, and the iPhone.

Who has time to be bored?


And that aint nothin’. Technology today, as interesting as it is, isn’t qualitatively different from the technology of the Victorians. We still make stuff by starting with a bloody great lump of stuff and whacking bits off, pounding, molding, stamping, cutting, and otherwise hacking away at the stuff until all that’s left is the bits we want.

Which is a wasteful, inefficient way to go about doing it. Smacks of stone knives and bearskins, really.

But what we’re closing in on is the ability to make stuff from the ground up, one atom at a time. And when that happens…jackpot.

Windows made of diamond (because carbon is cheap and easy to work with). Skyscrapers grown from a single metal crystal. Efficiency which allows the entire world, including those parts of it currently mired on poverty, to live at the same standard of living as us decadent Westerners, without imposing additional burdens on the earth’s resources or energy supply. Molecular assembly changes the name of the game completely.

Who has time to be bored?

And with that comes changes to all the assumptions we make about the Way Things Work. Many of the objections to improved longevity rest on assumptions that aren’t necessarily going to be valid in thefuture; you can’t anticipate the future by projecting current truths on it.

“But what about overpopulation?” I’m asked. Well, what about it? There’s a close connection between population growth and technological sophistication; post-agrarian societies have lower population growth than agrarian societies, because children are no longer needed to work the farms and care for enfeebled elders.

“But don’t we have to die to make room for the next generation?” I’m asked. No, we don’t, and thank you very much for implying that my life, and your life, and the lives of all the people who are here today are worth less than the theoretical lives of people who don’t even exist yet.

“But won’t longer life put more strain on the earth’s resources?” I’m asked. This assumes a continuation of the exponential population growth, when even now in the United States we actually have negative population growth, with immigration being what keeps the sum total population increasing. As lifespan increases, birth rate decreases; and, as I said before, nanotech manufacturing offers high standard of living with dramatically smaller environmental costs.

And if you find all that implausible, imagine what a person born in 1900 would say about owning a device that fits in your pocket, lets you talk to anyone in the world, and uses a network of satellites placed in earth orbit by rockets to help you find the easiest way to drive from your house to your friend’s house on the other side of the country.


Why do I want to live forever? Because things now are better than they were in 1900, and things in 1900 were better than they were in 1462. Because the future is an interesting place, and I want to see it. Because death should be optional, not mandatory. Because the encroachment of old age and death is the ultimate insult to human dignity. Because we are the part of the universe capable of understanding itself, and that means that every single one of us has incalculable value. Because every death is a tragedy, and we have lost sight of that. And in the end, because I see us not for what we are now, but for what we have the potential to become, and we have potential that is beautiful beyond all imagination.

So I haven’t been around much lately…

…because I’ve been so busy having fun I haven’t had much time for anything else.

Which is not a bad way to live, really.

First, zaiah. She spent almost a week with me last week. We’ve been talking on the Intertubes for over a year and a half, but never have been able to meet in person (damn you, Intertubes! Damn you!) until at last our wish was granted by a pair of cute and very fuzzy kittens. The kittens said “Lo! For more than forty months have you been chatting, and the time has come at last! We shall be your vehicles!”

Or perhaps they might have said that, if kittens could, you know, talk.

Anyway, the kittens arranged for us to meet, and meet we did. It went more better than anything I might dared to have hoped, and a most excellent time was had. I shan’t disturb you with the details, because they would…disturb you.

And then: Camping!

Shelly, Fritz, femetal, my archnemisis datan0de, and I went roughing it in the backwoods of rural Florida, in the most primitive environment you can possibly imagine. No Internet! No cell pone service! Nothing to do but sit in the pop-up on our laptops and watch Dr. Who!

Got a good deal of work on Onyx 3.1 done. What else is there to do at a campsite?

And now, joreth is up visiting.

It has been over two frakking weeks since I’ve even logged on to World of Warcraft. It’s been difficult, but the shaking is starting to subside and I haven’t had a seizure in days.

I’ve been approached by various people over the past couple of weeks and asked if I’d be interested in becoming involved in not one, not two, but three new start-up businesses. Weird.

Got my last rejection letter for my book proposal last week. That makes six. (Well, technically five, plus one “We’re not interested in the book in its current form, but we think you’re pretty cool and would like you to re-submit the proposal as less of a how-to on polyamory and more of a personal narrative.”)

And also, since I’ve had a bad case of the hornies all day and have had a great deal of trouble thinking about anything but sex all day long today, here is…

…a sex meme floating around LiveJournal

I realize this is short notice…

David, zaiah, and I are planning to make a sushi run tomorrow night at 8:00. Anyone on my flist who’s interested is welcome to attend. We’ll be at Sushi House Buckhead, which I think is probably the most awesome sushi restaurant that has ever existed or will ever exist.

Who’s up for joining us? Reply here or email me at tacitr (at) aol (dot) com if you think you might be game!

An Open Letter to M. Night Shyamalan

So, um, hey. About your movie “The Happening”…

Look, M (do you mind if I call you M?), I like your movies. “The Sixth Sense” was awesome. I enjoyed “Unbreakable.” “Signs” was a fun movie, even though Mel ‘Kill All The Jews, They Killed Christ’ Gibson was tragically miscast.

I’ll even give you “Lady in the Water.” I enjoyed it, despite the critical savaging.

But dear God, M, what were you thinking when you wrote “The Happening?”

For starters, there’s the title. I really, really wish you’d chosen a different title for this film, something perhaps a bit more appropriate to the story. You see, “The Happening” makes the movie sound like it might be interesting or mysterious, and that’s just plain false advertising. I would perhaps recommend a different name, something like “When Maples Attack” or “Poplars Gone Wild.” Then perhaps I would have gone into the theater with a clearer sense of what to expect, or more likely given it a miss altogether.

And dude, seriously, Learn something about science. Please. Anything about science. If your main character is a scientist, it helps to know at least a little bit about the field. Knowing what science is might be a good start.

Here’s a hint, that I’ll give you as a freebie without charging you a script consulting fee because I like you. No scientist would ever say something like “Science doesn’t prove anything. At the end of the day, any explanation is just a theory.”

See, simply by using phrases like “just a theory,” you demonstrate that you don’t know what the word “theory” means. Unlike, for example, a character who is, say…a scientist.

And enough with the “camera staring at the actor’s face so we can see how they’re emoting” schtick. It worked well enough in “The Sixth Sense,” but by the time you’d gotten to “The Village” we’d all been clobbered over the head with it enough. We get it, we get it. Your characters Feel Profound Emotions. How ’bout branching out a bit, developing a new visual language, rather than relying on the same tool over and over again, m’kay? We’ll all appreciate it. I’m just sayin’.

Oh, and about your characters Feeling Profound Emotions…that’s nice, but occasionally we’d like to see them do something, too. Passivity gets annoying after a while, y’know? When every single character in a movie, including extras in the background of the scenes, ends up dead save for three, and those three are saved only by pure luck and not as a consequence of any of their own actions, that’s not Bold Storytelling. It’s tedious, pointless dreck. The audience likes to see a story unfold as the result of the actions of the characters. Occasionally, it’s nice to see characters making decisions and doing things which advance the story arc, too. Again, I’m just sayin’.

And what’s with the little old lady in the run-down house? I haven’t seen a more pointless and ultimately unsatisfying side plot since the unbearable scene with the psycho pedophile in the basement in the awful film version of “War of the Worlds.”

Oh, while we’re talking about characters, consistency? Please? Look, M, I know they’re your characters and you can do what you want and all, but when the main character keeps alternating randomly between “smart and determined” (as in “He sure is resilient, isn’t he?”) and “dumb as a box of rocks,” with occasional detours through the land of “socially incompetent,” “utterly passive,” and “freaking out because it’s windy,” he doesn’t really feel like a character. Goddamnit, I’ve seen 70s porn flicks with greater depth and better character development.

Like I said, M, I don’t want to tell you your job, but if you’re making a movie that’s supposed to be a character study, a good place to start might be with a character.

I really gotta tell you, M, if you want to keep getting my money, you gotta stop with the movies that make me feel like I’ve just wasted two hours of my life I’ll never have back again. Kthx.

Love,
Franklin

PS: You owe me ten bucks.