
want.
Actually, I want 20 or 30 of them. They’d make the most beautiful cluster EVAR.

Actually, I want 20 or 30 of them. They’d make the most beautiful cluster EVAR.
For thousands of years, scholars, philosophers, artists, and religious teachers have struggled to understand the human condition. Elaborate theories, both moral and pragmatic, have been propounded to explain the bredth and diversiy of the human condition; everything from battling angels and demons to the hidden workings of the id and the superego have been believed to be responsible for the things we feel and the way we understand and interact with the world around us.
All of those ideas are wrong, as I realized while showering this morning. The human condition is varied but bounded, and it took Hollywood to give us a model that explains the diversity of the human experience while also showing us how it’s bounded.
All of life, you see, exists somewhere within the space delineated by the movies Reservoir Dogs, Being John Malcovich, and The Princess Bride.
Each of these three movies represents the extreme outer limit of one aspect of the human condition. All of humanity–all religion, all philosophy, all creation, all expression, all experience–falls somewhere within the space marked off by these three movies.
The human condition is not represented as a three-dimensional spece with each of these movies along one axis, because no part of the human condition can fall at the origin of such a space; that is, nothing within the human experience contains no relevance to any of these three movies. Instead, if some part of the human condition has very little, say, Reservoir Dogs in it, then it follows logically that it must therefore contain a great deal of Being John Malcovich, The Princess Bride, or both, as illustrated below:

With a nod to chipuni for the heads-up, Nabisco has introduced a new print advertising campaign for Ritz crackers. their tag line–are you ready for this? is:
I. Shit. You. Not.
This can not POSSIBLY be an accident; I think there’s someone at work in the advertising agency who’s in the D/s community and is having a bit of a joke at Nabisco’s expense.
S and her boyfriend M were over last night, for some movie watching and out-hanging. “Escape from New York” and the new “Harry Potter” movie were on the evening’s playlist. I haven’t seen Escape from New York since the 1980s. Time has changed my opinion of the movie; I liked it when I first saw it, and I realize that it’s a classic and all, but:
– It’s the perfect trifecta. Bad script, bad acting, bad direction.
– Adrienne Barbeau used to be a real hottie. Pity about the hair, though.
– On no account whatsoever should John Carpenter ever be permitted to write the score for a movie, or in fact allowed near a recording studio for any purpose at all.
– In the future, land mines will become so weak that if a car runs over one, there will be a puff of white smoke and the car will rock a little, but that’s about it. It will require hitting four or five land mines to disable a moving vehicle. Given how ineffective land mines will become, any future law enforcement agencies considering turning Manhatten into a prison will be well-advised to simply destroy the bridges into and out of the city, rather than planting mines on them.
– Insane subway dwellers, like aliens, are fond of coming up through the floor, but don’t seem to know about doors.
– Former Special Forces operatives, when attempting to hide, tend to seek out street lights and other well-illuminated places. Strangely, though, the bad guys still seem to have difficulty seeing them. There’s a lesson in here, folks. The next time you need to conceal yourself from a street full of crazed psychopathic killers, hide beneath the closest steet light!
– In the future, homicidal street gangs won’t know about tires. When attempting to disable a moving car, they’ll hit the sides of the car with clubs and fire burning arrows into the doors, but will leave the tires untouched. This makes escaping them much easier. Homicidal street gangs should be prevented from obtaining Chilton’s manuals or other documentation about the basic operational theory of the automobile, because if they learn about tires, it’s curtains for the good guy.
The more recent Harry Potter was okay; it had some significant pacing errors and a few continuity glitches, and Gary Oldman was totally wasted in his role, but other than that, it was about what I’d expected. Interesting to see that prejudice and bigotry are still universal constants of the human condition regardless of who you are; even wizards have their little bigotries. In magical orders, you can be just about anyone, up to and including a dangerously deranged madman, and still get a job at Hogwart’s, but werewolves need not apply.
An unconventional use of Flash in the form of a digital clock. It wears me out just looking at it.
On a mailing list I subscribe to, someone recently asked me if I subscribe to any philosophical or spiritual beliefs, and what they are. If you don’t care, then I won’t bother you with the answer; otherwise: Continue reading
So. We’re deciding if we want to keep him.
Cons:
– Pet deposit.
– Moving to Atlanta soon.
– Vet bills and other expenses.
– He’s very…talkative.
It started ordinary enough. We played a little World of Warcraft, then S and her boyfriend came over and we watched some movies.
I someehow missed out on all the 80s teen flicks, even though I was an 80s teen, so Shelly decided we should watch Heathers. It’s a typical 80s teen flick, only with more psychotic behavior and a higher body count. Heathers is kinda like Reservoir Dogs, only it takes place in a high school, there’s no jewel heist, there’s no policeman hostage, nobody’s ear gets cut off, the dialog is completely different, there’s no warehouse, the characters aren’t named after colors, not as many people die, and it wasn’t written by Quentin Tarantino.
We also watched the movie Adaptation, which is a film about the making of the movie Adaptation.
Then the Christmas kitty showed up.
For the past couple nights, I’ve been hearing a cat crying somewhere outside the window. Shelly and I have looked for it several times, without any success, which sucks because it’s been cold and wet and rainty and miserable for days, and there’s nothing more heartbreaking than the sound of a miserable, frightened cat. As S and M were leaving last night, they finally spotted the cat–on the third-story roof of the apartment next door. Apparently it climbed a tree, dropped onto the roof from an overhead branch, and then got stuck.
We couldn’t get up to it, and we couldn’t get the animal rescue emergency hotline to respomd, so we tossed some tuna fish onto the roof (which made the cat deliriously happy), then the four of us stayed up ’til 3 AM trying to figure out how to get the poor thing down. We finally called it a wash when we struck out trying to reach maintenance, the non-emergency fire/rescue number, animal control, and anyone else who might have a three-story ladder, which was disheartening because it stormed something fierce after we went back inside. This morning, Shelly knocked on the neighbor’s door, who finally rescued the cat through the top-floor window.
So the cat was hungry, cold, and frightened but seems none the worse for all that.
Today; hanging out with the Smoosh, and more World of Warcraft.
On the first day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Some Night Elves with a cursed treeOn the 2nd day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Two lockjaw turtles
and some Night Elves with a cursed treeOn the 3rd day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Three [Ruffled Feather]s
Two lockjaw turtles
and some Night Elves with a cursed treeOn the 4th day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Four goblin shredders
Three [Ruffled Feather]s
Two lockjaw turtles
and some Night Elves with a cursed treeOn the 5th day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Five [Glimmering Shard]s
Four goblin shredders
Three [Ruffled Feather]s
Two lockjaw turtles
and some Night Elves with a cursed treeOn the 6th day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Six Alliance raiding
Five [Glimmering Shard]s
Four goblin shredders
Three [Ruffled Feather]s
Two lockjaw turtles
and some Night Elves with a cursed treeOn the 7th day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Seven scorpids stingin’
Six Alliance raiding
Five [Glimmering Shard]s
Four goblin shredders
Three [Ruffled Feather]s
Two lockjaw turtles
and some Night Elves with a cursed treeOn the 8th day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Eight Windriders ridin’
Seven scorpids stingin’
Six Alliance raiding
Five [Glimmering Shard]s
Four goblin shredders
Three [Ruffled Feather]s
Two lockjaw turtles
and some Night Elves with a cursed treeOn the 9th day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Nine trolls a dancin’
Eight Windriders ridin’
Seven scorpids stingin’
Six Alliance raiding
Five [Glimmering Shard]s
Four goblin shredders
Three [Ruffled Feather]s
Two lockjaw turtles
and some Night Elves with a cursed treeOn the 10th day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Ten Voidwalkers walkin’
Nine trolls a dancin’
Eight Windriders ridin’
Seven scorpids stingin’
Six Alliance raiding
Five [Glimmering Shard]s
Four goblin shredders
Three [Ruffled Feather]s
Two lockjaw turtles
and some Night Elves with a cursed treeOn the 11th day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Eleven harpies screeching
Ten Voidwalkers walkin’
Nine trolls a dancin’
Eight Windriders ridin’
Seven scorpids stingin’
Six Alliance raiding
Five [Glimmering Shard]s
Four goblin shredders
Three [Ruffled Feather]s
Two lockjaw turtles
and some Night Elves with a cursed treeOn the 12th day of Warcraft, Blizzard gave to me
Twelve caverns wailing
Eleven harpies screeching
Ten Voidwalkers walkin’
Nine trolls a dancin’
Eight Windriders ridin’
Seven scorpids stingin’
Six Alliance raiding
Five [Glimmering Shard]s
Four goblin shredders
Three [Ruffled Feather]s
Two lockjaw turtles
and some Night Elves with a cursed tree
…yes, I have problems.
Moral (adj): a: of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior : ETHICAL b : expressing or teaching a conception of right behavior, as, a moral poem c : conforming to a standard of right behavior
ety from Latin mos, moralis “custom”Ethical (adj): a: of or relating to ethics b: involving or expressing moral approval or disapproval
ety from Greek ethikos “tradition”
It seems I’ve never had a very clear grasp on the concept of “morality.”
For many years, I’ve had a working, internal definition of “morality” that says something is “moral” if it recognizes the inherent worth in human beings and seeks, as far as is possible, to further the basic values of dignity and compassion for all people. Because of this, I’ve often been more than a little puzzled by public discourse on morality.
Morality, as it’s understood by a great many people, confuses the hell out of me. It seems obvious and straightforward that issues such as gay marriage and equal opportunity are moral issues; what’s always tended to puzzle me is the fact that those who speak the loudest about “morality” condemn these things. Homosexuality, we’re told, is immoral. Gay marriage is immoral. Non-traditional relationships are immoral. Yet affording all people everywhere equal opportunity in a society seems to be a very basic means of expressing the values of worth and dignity for all human beings; how, then, can any reasonable person call these things “immoral?”
Shelly was the one who pointed out that my definition was flawed, and when she did, a great deal of public discourse about ethics and morality suddenly snapped into focus.
Ambrose Bierce, a man famous for his cynicism, defined “moral” as “having the quality of general expediency,” and there’s more than a little truth to that.
The origins of the English words for “moral” and “ethical” are telling. Both words derive from words expressing, not concepts of human worth and dignity, but concepts of tradition and custom. In its most basic form, the public discourse on “morality” focuses not on what is right by the standards of human dignity, but on what is traditional. And this understanding changes everything.
It has long been an axiom of any society that that society is falling into decay and moral ruin. Socrates was reported to complain “Today’s youth love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority, disrespect for elders and they chatter in place of exercise.” And of course this must always be so, because traditions change over time. If one understands “moral” to mean “traditional,” then of course all societies always decay morally and always will, for the process of life is a dynamic one, and old traditions are constantly giving way to new.
Traditions form because people find a way of doing things that generally seems to work fairly well for most people. Over time, these convenient ways to do things gradually become entrenched, until what started out as an expedient way to get things done becomes Right and Moral and Just, and any other way to do things becomes Wrong and Immoral.
In this context, it’s quite simple to understand the current public discourse on morality. To determine whether or not something is moral, one need only apply a simple one-part test: is it the way things have been done in the past?
Gay marriage? Untraditional; therefore, immoral. Open tolerance of diversity? Untraditional; ergo, immoral. Non-traditional relationships? Immoral by definition.
Even things which seem at first blush to be blatant moral hypocricies are perfectly moral, with the proer understanding of “moral.” It is and has for centuries been traditional for men of wealth and power to cheat on their spouses; by this light, the actions of peope like Bob Barr, the Georgia representative who launched the crusade against Bill Clinton for his extramarital affair, and campaigned aainst legal abortion, but who paid for his ex-wife to have an abortion and then cheated on her with his current partner, has a long history in the tradition of American politics and is therefore completely moral.
Replace the word “moral” with the word “customary” or “traditional” and the official stances, and behavior, of many conservative religious groups begins to make more sense. For example, one of the peopl who worked on the Bush campaign was a First Assemblies of God pastor named Mike Hintz, who spoke on behalf of Bush, praising Bush’s values. Pastor Hintz was recently in the news again, this time after being arrested and charged with the sexual exploitation of a child.
Child abuse and child molestation have a long tradition in Western society, which was elevated almost to an art form during the Victorian era. Hintz wasn’t immoral; he was merely acting in accordance with an older tradition, and that by definition made his actions perfectly ethical.
Churches are in a peculiar position when it comes to teaching morality, because churches, like any other organization, rely on their members to exist. A church with no members no longer exists. A church must, therefore, always follow the moral values of its flock, and never lead them; should a church tell its flock that behaviors they support are immoral, its members will leave and go to a church willing to say that they are all good, just, morally decent people. So churches, the very institutions beople believe are charged with moral leadership, are, by the nature of their position, always going to be the last organizations to respond to moral change.
(This sometimes creates some delicious ironies. The Sothern Baptist Convention, one of the largest and most influential of conservative American protestant churches, was originally formed by pro-slavery members of the Baptist church who refused to accept the anti-slavery stance of the mainstream Baptist doctrine of the time. Today, the Southern Baptist congregation is largely black; one has to assume that a significant portion of its membership is quite unaware of the sect’s history.)
So. My confusion all this time has come from my own badly skewed understanding of what it means to be “moral.” With a better grasp of the meaning of morality, the public discourse is more comprehensible to me, and I can see that my initial confusion arose from my own error.
I still prefer my definition of “moral,” however.
…and very little time to do so.
Rather than actually writing about any of it, I’ll just say that I’d really, really like to send some of my clients here rather than answering the questions they ask me…