The things we do to entertain ourselves…

Over the past six weeks or so, I’ve been playing a very long, very slow game of chess with the founder of the company I work with. He has a chessboard in his office, you see, and while I was in his office one day talking to him, I moved p-k4. He responded a few days later.

He’s not usually in Atlanta. Typically, he spends four or five days up here and the res of his time down in Florida. For the past few weeks, he’s been making a move each time he comes up for a visit, and I’ve been answering after he leaves. I’m playing a very conservative game; I have no idea how strong a player he is, but his opening defense (Sicilian) shows that at the very least he has studied the game to some extent.

I fully expect him to well and truly kick my ass; the man is brilliant, and if he’s as good at chess as he is at everything else he’s studied, he will probably be a formidable player indeed. Time will tell.

Though I didn’t come here to talk about chess. I came here to talk about moving.


Yes, I am moving. I’ve found another apartment about ten minutes from my current one, which is the same size and considerably cheaper. It’s also laid out very differently–tiny bedroom (which is totally dominated by my enormous cast-iron king-sized canopy bed), huge living room. The huge living room is a nice feature. I have a loft, and until now my computer desk has been beneath the loft. The new living room is large enough for me to put the computer desk next to the loft, which opens the possibility of doing suspension bondage beneath the loft–something that joreth has been interested in pursuing lately.

But, during this move, I violated my own prime and hard-won lesson: I rented from U-Haul.


U-haul sucks. You know U-Haul sucks. I know U-Haul sucks. But planning is not in my nature, and when I found myself with a very short time in which to procure a truck, I chose the path of least resistance (hah!) and rented a truck from U-Haul.

Now, I’m used to U-Haul’s cumbersome rental procedures, their overpriced moving supplies, and their creaky and oft poorly-maintained trucks. What I was not prepared for, however, was the accelerator cable to snap off the gas pedal while I was backing the truck into the new apartment, nor for the screw holding the gas pedal to just kind of cease to do its job. One does not, gentle reader, normally expect to step on the gas in a motor vehicle and have the gas pedal just fall off beneath one’s foot and start flopping around in the footwell.

Of course, thanks to aforementioned inability to plan my way out of a paper bag, I was doing this at roughly midnight-thirty Eastern time, when (a) U-Haul is not readily and speedily available and (b) it’s dark. Nor did I have a flashlight handy, which meant that (a) I had to fix the truck myself (b) in the dark.

It’s a good thing I rock like a rocky thing, else I’d likely still be there.

I was not able to move everything from the old place to the new, though the big stuff requiring the use of a truck was finished. That means that I am looking pretty for actually finishing the move, as I have until Wednesday to be completely cleared out of the old place.

And that brings us back to chess.


I expect the company’s founder to make a move today r tomorrow, to answer the one I recently made. The reason I expect this is that all the company’s principles will be in Atlanta tomorrow, for a very large meeting with certain Unnamed Persons upon which, I am gravely told, The Future Of The Company May Rest. This meeting requires a great deal of work on my part, as I will be doing the materials which will be presented.

“Franklin,” I was told not half an hour ago, “eat lunch late tomorrow. For the rest of the week, be prepared to be at the office until Unreasonably Late.”

Which poses a bit of a dilemma, as you might imagine. You see, among the week’s activities must be Moving The Rest Of My Shit and Cleaning Of The Old Apartment. Which I will, apparently, be able to do only between the hours of O’Fuck Thirty and O’Fuck Forty in the AM, over the next couple of days.

You know what I like about Fate?

That’s not a rhetorical question. If anyone can think of a thing I like about Fate, I’d love to hear it, ’cause I’m kinda drawing a blank here.


I slept at the new apartment last night. This morning, I got up bright (hah!) and early this morning to find that the pilot light in my gas water heater had mysteriously been snuffed out, and I had no hot water.

It’s gonna be that kind of week. I want pie.

Whee! I made Carnival of the Godless!

My post on why I’m an optimist made it onto this month’s Carnival of the Godless, a biweekly roundup of blog posts and articles related to atheism. I’m #2 on the list, and just above some entries on Greta Christina’s blog, which if you’re not reading you should be.

I first encountered Greta Christina’s blog via datan0de. joreth did likewise, and from her blog found the Carnival of the Godless. She sent me the link, I thought it was teh awesome, and now they’ve linked to something I wrote. Small world, eh?

Science will Fuck You Up

So I just finished writing a post about the Sandia Z-Machine over on the Stormy Weather blog. Why? Because it’s cool and it involves lots of electricity, which is sort of related to lightning, kinda, if you squint hard enough.


Clicky for a bigger version!

This is the sort of science that’ll ruin your day if you make any wrong moves around it.

Fun stuff at $DAYJOB

So as most of you already know, I work with an electronics startup that makes lightning and storm detection equipment. One of the projects I have at the office is maintaining a Weblog of storm and lightning related stuff–not directly as an advertising vehicle, but more as a neat-stuff-about-lightning deal. When the company’s Web site eventually gets redesigned (and sweet Jesus, does it need to be redesigned!), the new site will have an entire lightning education section, but in the meantime we’re keeping a separate blog for fun stuff.

And, I have to say, I’m actually very proud of it. Check it out: Stormy Weather.

How to make a cool spikey collar

Note: This is part 5 of an occasional ongoing "how to" series on BDSM.

Part 1 of the series, How to Tie a Rope Harness Part I, is here.
Part 2 of the series, How to Tie a Frog Tie, is here.
Part 3 of the series, How to Tie a Shinju, is here.
Part 4 of the series, How to Make a Custom Dildo out of Ice, is here.

As you can probably figure out, most of these tutorials are really, really not work-safe.

This particular tutorial is work-safe, and describes how to make a very unusual style of collar that’s perfect for clubbing, wearing to a play party, or whatever else you like. And if you make it from UV-reactive cable ties, it even glows under black light!

Show me! Show me!

Some thoughts about sex toys

…in which Franklin raves about his current favorite toy, made by NJoy:

This thing, which I’ve recently heard compared to a prop from Star Trek, is an NJoy Pleasure Wand. It’s about eight inches long, it’s heavy (weighs nearly a pound!), the ball on the right-hand side is about an inch in diameter, it’s made of surgical stainless steel, and it is without question one of the Coolest. Sex. Toys. Ever.

It even comes in a neat red-lined display box.

And man, this toy can do just about anything. Any kind of sensation you can imagine (and as a seasoned, veteran pervert, I can imagine quite a lot) you can get with this.

Let’s start with the obvious uses. The right-hand side is for vaginal penetration, the left-hand side is for anal penetration. As a straight-ahead dildo, it’s quite good. The stainless steel warms up very quickly, and it’s very smooth. The end is curved, and manages to find the G-spot of everyone I’ve used it with very nicely. Insert, move vigorously or not so vigorously (as your own personal taste dictates), repeat ’til orgasm. It’ll certainly never wear out or need to be replaced, and it does the job quite nicely.

But it’s got so much more to offer. Oh, my word, does it have more.

This thing is exactly what the doctor ordered for any mad scientists out there–and I know I have more than a few of you on my friends list. It looks the part to a T; it’s hard to show in a photograph just how beautiful this toy is, and it’s got that slightly sinister, slightly alien look to it that’s always in vogue among mad scientists and evil geniuses everywhere.

It can be used to create and manipulate sensation within your victim partner with exquisite control. If temperature play is your thing, it holds both heat and cold very well, and unlike most glass toys, you can actually put it in the freezer without worrying about thermal stress cracking it.

It’s hard but very smooth; the smoothness means that when it’s exactly at body temperature, if you move it slowly, it almost doesn’t feel like a solid object. If it’s moved very slowly and gently, it’s more a rush of sensation than a feeling of penetration; one of my partners has described it like feeling a gush of warm liquid, rather than like a hard object.

That’s if you move it slowly and gently, of course.

If you move it less slowly and gently, then it feels a bit more like a conventional dildo, except that if your partner is lying on her back and you’re holding it so that the end curves upward, it has a quite effortless habit of moving precisely along some very, very sensitive bits inside, with all the effect you’d expect from that. You can even, if you’re of a suitably wicked bent, rest the ball precisely against your partner’s G-spot and then turn it slightly from side to side, rather than in and out, and move more and more slowly as she gets closer and closer to orgasm, and stop right when she’s on the edge. If you hold it still, then she might even be able to come just by contracting around it.

Or not, if you tilt your hand upward slightly when she contracts, bringing the ball away from the inner wall of her vagina. If you do that, she’ll just be frustrated and horny.

Not that, y’know, I’m actually recommending that, or anything. I’m just sayin’.

And it’s even useful for secret police, interrogators, and space aliens everywhere. If, for example, you were to have abducted an earth human and wanted to probe your captive as part of some kind of weird alien experiment, or if your captive was resistant to most normal interrogation techniques and a bit more persuasion were called for, well, this little implement is just the thing. It can go from “Oh my God I’m going to come!” to “Sweet Jesus, I’ll tell you anything!” in just a flick of the wrist, and the transformation is…dramatic.

Should this be the sort of thing that suits your tastes, you might want to tie your partner down first. Again, I’m just sayin’.

One of my own personal favorite things to do is to use it on my partner directly after I’ve just fisted her. Three or four nice, hard orgasms around my hand is really good at getting the blood flowing and getting all the sensitive bits especially sensitive, when even the slightest touch is almost unbearably intense…that’s just the right time to get out the probe. And just…barely…move it.

If you’ve got your partner tied down for this, might want to have a gag handy, too. You don’t want to, y’know, disturb the neighbors or anything; that’s just rude.

Just to be perfectly clear on this point: There’s no evidence that the people who designed this toy are actually Cylons.

National Coming Out Day…

…woudn’t be necessary if nobody stayed in the closet. Staying in the closet wouldn’t be necessary if people, on the whole, weren’t a bunch of judgmental monkeys. It gets more complicated, though, when one considers that staying in the closet means not confronting the fears and prejudices of others, which means that fear and prejudice tends to take firmer hold.

I thought about making a “national coming out day” post, but it’s kind of difficult to do that when one is already about as “out” as it’s possible to be without getting posterboard, Magic Marker, and glitter involved. So what does that leave to say?

Straight. Check. Though honestly, that’s a bug, not a feature.

Poly. Check. Three current partners, one potential new partner, and I still live alone. Clearly, I’m doing something wrong.

Kinky. Check. Just bought forty feet of lovely black rope the day before yesterday, which I may even have a chance to use soon.

Mad scientist. Check. One day, you will all revere me as your overlord. Unless you’re Steve “Monkey Boy” Ballmer, that is. He’ll be the first against the wall when the revolution comes and my army of unstoppable hunter-killer bots sweeps the globe.

Linux-basher. Check. Yeah, I know, I know, that’ll get you killed in some places, but… Gnome sucks. KDE sucks. The entire open-source community can’t create a decent user interface to save its collective ass. I’m sorry, but I just can’t live a lie. It needs to be said. Even if nobody else will say it.

And now, off to dinner with the surrealistically sexy feyscorruption.

Things To Do This Evening

Going to be a busy evening. After work, I need to:

– Go grocery shopping
– File a formal, written DMCA copyright infringement complaint against kinkychristians.com for copying large swaths of my Web site without permission or attribution, and on top of that having the gall to claim copyright on the material themselves
– Buy rope
– Do laundry – oh, sweet Jesus, do lots and lots of laundry

Any theologians out there on my flist? Who would Jesus crib copyrighted material from?

I for one welcome our new robot overlords

Foster-Miller, Inc., now part of QinetiQ North America, is a technology and product development company with an international reputation for delivering innovative products and systems that perform under the most demanding conditions.

Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.