Hey, hey, hey, I’m guilty…

…and you’re guilty, too!

Now that the annual report that’s been hanging over my head like the sword of Damocles all week is almost ready to go to the printer, I can actually write about my weekend.

I catch the rain that turns me to rust, I stand in the flame that turns me to dust
I can’t believe that you might believe I’ll heal you…

Shelly and M were both able to spend Valentine’s weekend with kellyv and I, which was absolutely delightful. My own rant aside, M found a perfect Valentine’s card for all three of us; it said “Our relationship might not be what other people expect, but it works for us.”

On Saturday, all four of us went down to Ft. Myers for Decadence 2003, a BDSM party hosted by the same group who hosts the Ft. Myers Munch. It was a blast, even though the place was absolutely packed.

M and I had the opportunity to tie Shelly to a St. Andrew’s cross and take turns whipping her, whihc was quite a treat. Afterward, we watched a lovely demonstration of fire play, given in part by a woman who could easily be the twin of Carrie Ann Moss’ character “Trinity” in The Matrix.

You stare nowhere do you care
You close your insides and you’re paralyzed by your own fear

M has a talking Stich doll from the movie Lilo and Stitch.

Stitch does not like S&M.

The toy has voice recognition circuitry in it. Whenever you talk to it, it talks back, if it understands what you’re saying. You can tell it things like “You’re naughty!” or “Aloha, Stitch!” or “Can you play?” and it will respond to you.

Upon our return from Ft. Myers, kellyv watched while Shelly and I used the violet wand on M. Stitch sat in a corner, ignored; and whenever M screamed, Stitch would say, “WhatEVER!” Clearly, Stitch did not appreciate the situation one little bit. Foolish little stuffed talking alien. I think he has some unresolved internal issues.

I’m your fear, I’m your monster
What’s hiding in your shadow…”

Sunday was PolyTampa.

I sometimes feel like the token villain at PolyTampa. I do not believe love conquers all, I do not believe that everyone is noble and just, I don’t believe that even the people who are noble and just are always right, I don’t believe int he innate goodness of man, I don’t believe that all relationships can–or even should–succeed, I don’t believe that people of reason can always see eye to eye, and I don’t believe that the world is a very nice place. And, just for the record, I don’t believe Star Trek is a very good show.

These views are not shared by everyone who belongs to Po lyTampa. One trait I have in common with kellyv is that if someone says something I disagree with, I tend not to keep my mouth shut about it.

This at times makes me the bad guy–the one who says “Well, yes, that looks great on paper, but pitchfork it into the world of things that exist and it’ll turn to shit faster than you can say ‘Communism was just a red herring.'”

Which is fine. I don’t mind playing the bad guy.

Afterward, we went out to dinner with several friends, including smoocherie and fritzcat66. kellyv and I have been spending significantly more time with them since Shelly and I started dating, which has been nice.

So violently to touch, it’s tearing me down
So beautifully to clutch is what you believe

This weekend, kellyv and Shelly want to go get tattoos. We’re also considering a trip to the Castle, possibly with smoocherie. Saturday, sunyata__ has invited us to a party, though it’s still up in the air whether or not we’ll be able to attend–I would certainly like to, however. And at some point, I plan to spend some “alone time” with kellyv. Things have been so hectic lately, it’s been difficult for us to meet our recommended daily allowance of together time.

And so it goes…

First they came for the verbs, and I said nothing because verbing weirds language. Then they arrival for the nouns, and I speech nothing because I no verbs.

This Week’s Horoscope

Courtesy of The Onion:

Aries (March 21-April 19):

The media will proclaim you the new John F. Kennedy for your charisma, sense of style, and massive gunshot wound to the back of the head.

Windows XP: Existential Angst in a Box

For those of you who suspected it, yes, it’s true: Windows XP is not so much an operating system as it is a postmodern work of existential angst.

The final proof is in this Microsoft Knowledgebase article:

A Connection Manager Connection Does Not Connect After Being Disconnected

That really about says it all, doesn’t it?

A bit of this and a bit of that…

Punching Code

Just released a new version of TinyChat, a freeware point-to-point chat program.

Why use TinyChat instead of AOL Instant Messenger or MSN Messenger or something like that? Because it’s point-to-point. You don’t need to be a registered user of any service; you can use it in a local area network; and since you don’t go through a server, you don’t have to worry about someone recording your chat.

I think it’s cool.

Fun for Valentine’s Day Weekend

kellyv, Shelly, myself, and possibly M will be heading into Ft. Myers on Saturday for a big BDSM party…that should be a LOT of fun!

And speaking of Valentine’s Day…

It costs about six cents to print a greeting card. Greeting cards sell for about three dollars and fifty cents. That’s a profit margin of roughly five thousand, eight hundred and thirty-three percent…a margin that’s enviable even in the sex toy industry, much less any other retail industry.

It doesn’t take long for a greeting card company to recoup its investment in printing a greeting card design. So you’d think that Hallmark would’ve figured out by now that not everybody lives the same way.

I mean, c’mon, goddamnit, do they really have to make every card say “To the one I love” or “To the one important person in my life”? Shopping for Valentine’s is getting downright frustrating, I swear. I mean, if they’re really afraid of upsetting the conservatives, they could always foist the job off on Shoebox Greetings or one of their other subsidiaries…

One lousy friggin’ card that acknowledges non-monogamous relationships. There’s money in them. Let’s get with the program here…

And just for the record:

kellyv makes the best damn made-from-scratch homemade chicken soup in the entire world. So there. 🙂

On the brink of war…

So far, I have resisted talking about the imminent threat of war in Iraq. But someone recently asked me point-blank what I thought the solution to the problem in Iraq is.

What is the solution? Ah, now THAT is the right question!

Many of the arguments both for and against war have been focussed on whether or not Saddam has weapons of mass destruction, whether or not he’s a dangerous sociopath, and so on. Those are, I think, the wrong questions.

Does Saddam have weapons of mass destruction? Of course he does! How do we know? We sold them to him!!! We sold them to him because we hated Iran, he hated Iran, and we were hoping he’d use them against Iran.

Is Saddam a raving, murderous psychopath? Of course he is! That’s why we helped put him in power!!! If he wasn’t a psycho, we would never have supported him in the first place. We were just hoping he’d murder Iranians, not Kuwaitis, that’s all.

I consistently find it surprising how many people either have forgotten or genuinely don’t know that we helped put Saddam Hussein in the position he is in today.

So, what is the solution?

Well, let’s see. In the late 1980’s, we found a bunch of unfunded, disorganized Islamic radicals in Afghanistan, and we gave them weapons (including Stinger missiles and rocket launchers), money, and training. We dug bunkers and fortified caverns for them. When we did this, we knew that they hated the West and everything Western. We knew they hated us. We knew they were willing to die to destroy Western ideals. We organized, trained, and armed them. They would later be called the Taliban. Gosh, who knew that giving a bunch of radical, hate-mongering anti-Western fanatics missiles and guns and money would turn out to be a bad idea?

We hated Iran, so we funded, equipped, and armed a raving, murderous psycho lunatic named Saddam Hussein. We sold him weapons, we helped prop up his power base. When we did this, we knew he was a dangerous, sadistic, power-mad, self-aggrandizing madman who genuinely believes he is destined to rule all of the Islamic world. Jeepers, who knew THAT might backfire on us?

In its conduct of foreign policy in the Middle East, the United States often seems like a drunken baboon with a party hat and a chainsaw: Big, dumb, clumsy, sometimes unintentionally funny, and very, very dangerous.

If you go to bed with a monster, don’t be surprised when you wake up the next morning and there’s a monster in your bed.

So what should we do? Well, how about this: How about we stop arming and equipping and training power-hungry, psychotic fanatics just because they hate whoever we hate. How about we stop putting these people in power. How about we stop selling them weapons and then acting all shocked when they use those weapons to kill people.

How about we stop creating monsters, and then whining and crying that there are monsters in the world. How does that sound?

Am I way off base here?

Weekend Follies and More

Baby, it’s Been a Wonderful Trip So Far!

Last Friday marked the moment when kellyv and I have officially been together for seventeen years. Hooray, us! 🙂

Of Dobermans and Deflowering

One of M’s favorite pasttimes is being present at what she calles “de-virginizing”–introducing people to the Castle, one of Tampa’s local goth clubs.

So she was quite delighted when it came to pass that Shelly and I decided to take smoocherie and fritzcat66 to the Castle for the first time on Saturday evening, and more delighted still to learn that sunyata__, in the company of many of her friends, would be there for her first time as well.

Shelly is a very, very bad girl. She has a number of twisted, kinky fetishes–one of which is seeing me in a collar.

Or better still, on a leash.

Or better still, on a leash in a public place. Like, for example, a Goth club.

Still, I can hardly fault her–after all, I’ve been known to leash her… So in the spirit of turnabout and fair play and all that silly stuff, we headed out with me appropriately leashed and collared.

It was good–we were Dobermans in a crowd of other Dobermans, rather than Dobermans in a cage of rabbits.

Which is not to say we didn’t get attention anyway…

Of Audiences and Hot Threesome Action

One of the nicest features about the Castle is the group of couches along the far edge of the dance floor, where one can sit and chill and watch what’s going on when one gets tired of dancing.

Or, where three–say, Shelly, M, and I–can cuddle up together and be a bit naughty. Which we did.

Didn’t take long to attract an audience. Some of the people in that audience didn’t even put up a pretence of subtlety, either–just sat and stared.

Kind of cool, really. Even if I didn’t get to spend enough time with sunyata__

Early Morning Flogging and Grapes

kellyv woke me up much too early Sunday morning, by taking advantage of me while I was sound asleep.

And as if that wasn’t enough, she then invited Shelly and M to do likewise, while she sat on the futon at the foot of the bed and watched.

And provided floggers.

And ice.

Shelly is bigger than I am, and can physically restrain me without too much effort. It wasn’t too difficult for her and M to put on a show for kellyv, rather like a live internet sex show only free and with your spouse.

Afterward, M fed all three of us grapes and apple slices dipped in caramel.

This “kinky things in front of an audience” bit is becoming a recurring theme in my life. Probably Shelly’s fault.

Falling into a black hole? Better stop for lunch!

smoocherie and fritzcat66 spent the night on Saturday, and headed out Sunday afternoon. M left shortly thereafter. Shelly got trapped in a time warp of some sort and stayed, theory being I’d take her home Monday morning.

I think kellyv knew better. At about lunchtime, she called us from her office and invited us to have lunch with her, as if she knew all along that we wouldn’t make it out before then.

It wasn’t until early evening that Shelly finally made it home. Time has a way of doing funny things like that sometimes.

I really do have other things going on in my life right now; it just doesn’t seem like it. But there’s a knack to dealing with chaos, and that is to recognize that haos is not, by itself, either a good or a bad thing. Chaos is the clay from which all things are molded and formed. Once you understand that, the rest becomes easy.

Of Dobermans and Rabbits

The Trip

I’m back from Miami Beach, where I attended a trade show with one of my clients. Shelly accompanied me; kellyv sent her along with me on the theory that I would be less likely to be lost if I had some companionship for the drive.

Wrong.

I am legendary for my poor sense of direction. Shelly has a sense of direction every bit the equal of mine. We very nearly ended up in the Florida Keys, many hours south of Miami, before we realized we’d missed our exit.

We arrived wicked late–well after 2 AM–which was both a blessing and a curse: a blessing, because it helped ensure Shelly would not accidentally run into my client (who is unaware of my non-traditional relationship model), and a curse because i was bound to look and feel my best the next morning when the convention opened.

The Perverts of Room 206

Being on “affair protocol” for the weekend didn’t really seem to get in the way of what is becoming a tradition between Shelly and I–frightening the hotel staff.

We don’t try to do it. Really, we don’t.

The cleaning lady arrived earlier than expected Saturday, catching Shelly unawares–and with insufficient time to hide the toys.

Ah, well.

The thing I remember most about the trade show is being cold. Florida has been unseasonably cold all winter this winter, but that did not discourage the convention center staff from cranking the air conditioner. Many hours of misery later–“Hi, would you like to see a demonstration of imposition and workflow software?”–I was more than ready to recreate; preferably somewhere warm.

Shelly put the time to good use, however, shopping in Miami Beach.

For black leather pants.

For me.

Not something I had ever, or could ever, imagine myself wearing.

Rabbits and Dobermans

Shelly had met a poly couple from Miami online, so she arranged to meet up with them while we were in Miami Beach. They had discussed going out to a club; since I was on business, I hadn’t brought any suitable club wear with me.

An oversight Shelly was quick to remedy.

A new Nine Inch Nails T-shirt, a pair of black leather pants, and my trusty black leather jacket later, we were ready to meet her friends and head out.

To a techno club.

With ravers.

And glowsticks.

Shelly and I were head-to-foot black leather. Her friends, Josh and Dargee, were…um, not. We had pizza, made small talk, and throughout the evening, generally gave our hosts the impression, I suspect, that they had rather ended up with more than they’d bargained for.

Still, they treated us nicely and with good humor, and took us to their favorite techno club to do some dancing.

Shelly and I blended in with the careless ease of a couple of Dobermans in a cage of rabbits.

Techno clubs are interesting places, if not entirely for the right reasons. With apologies in advance to anyone who appreciates the techno scene, the club struck me as nothing so much as a place where pretty people can meet to network and pair up more or less at random for more or less meaningless sex. It’s quite a contrast to what I’m used to.

In any dance club, the early evening always starts with nobody dancing. Nobody ever seems to want to be the first one out on the dance floor, so until someone breaks the ice, little happens. After someone finally goes out, then some tacit social barrier is broken, and soon everyone is dancing.

Apparently, techno clubs are like any other in this regard.

Shelly was in a mood to dance. I was in a mood to dance. Neither of us really does the techno scene.

We were the first ones out on the dance floor. We are both more accustomed to the goth and industrial scene. We frightened people. It was fun.

Some dancing and a nine-dollar vodka cranberry later, we elected to depart, which seemed to fill our hosts with relief. We got lost only once on the walk back to the hotel, and only for about twenty minutes, so the remainder of the evening was relatively uneventful.

Next day, same as the last–convention and cold. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Home Again, Home Again

Did I mention that we both have a poor sense of direction?

The trip back, we somehow ended up on the interstate heading south instead of north, an error we realized only when we started heading into–you guessed it–the Florida Keys.

Clearly, the gods wanted us to visit the Keys. Those silly, silly gods.

Nevertheless, fates and gods notwithstanding, we did eventually make it back to Tampa, where i was absolutely delighted to be back with kellyv and sleeping in my own bed again.

So I’m done with the trade-show circuit for a while, which makes me sorry not one little bit.

The Future

This week, I plan to concentrate on finishing my new plane, which I still have not seen in the air. Saturday, i hope to get out to the field and fly it for the first time.

Saturday night, Shelly, M, and I will be meeting sunyata__ at the Castle, a local goth club where we’ll have the opportunity to be surrounded by other Dobermans.

And people on leashes. 🙂

Sunday, I’ve scheduled a photo shoot with a lovely young woman I met when kellyv, our friend Kathy, and I ate at Macaroni Grill a few weeks back.

Somewhere in between, there’s doubtless some work that needs to get done as well, but work is overrated anyway.

Seeking input and suggestions

I’m working on a substantial revamp of my poly Web page, which will probably roughly quintuple its size.

Right now, I’m actively seeking any advice, anecdotes, suggestions, or resources (on the Web or in print) about people who self-identify as monogamous in poly relationships.

A lot of the material I’ve already written has come from my own experience (my wife self-identifies as monogamous, though we’ve been actively poly for fifteen years with great success), and a great deal of assistance has also come from the polymono mailing list. But if anyone here has any other advice or input, please, let me know (either in this forum or by email). I’m more than happy to credit you, if you like (or not, if you prefer).