Bumper sticker of the week:
“Well-behaved women rarely make history.”

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L. is back in California, after a week visiting us. Yesterday, she sent us flowers:

It was an intense, turbulent week, all about extremes. Parts were very good, parts were not so good, nothing was mediocre. (Not that I would have expected it to be; L. is highly passionate, and nothing about her is mediocre. But even by the standards of our relationship, it was quite a ride.)

My wife kellyv and M. were both quite patient with both of us, which was really nice. L. and M. got along even better than I had expected them to, which was also quite nice. The downside: It will probably be six months before we can see each other again, and I suck at long-distance relationships.

L. took this picture of me while she was here:

I would very much like to take her with me on a photo shoot.

Bumper sticker of the week:
I found Jesus!
He’s in my trunk.

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L. is with us, having conquered her phobia and flown across the country to spend a week in Florida. She braved one of her worst fears just to be with me. What else can I say?

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Last week, the Mormons came into my office to try to convert me.

(Danger, Will Robinson! Danger! Rant ahead…read at your own risk. You have been warned…)

Continue reading →

This morning. 8AM. One of my clients calls me ont he phone. “Franklin? You have a snake, right? Do you want a fifteen-foot python? My husband’s friend runs an animal rescue shelter, see, and…”

I should have known then.

L. called me soon thereafter. She is having a great deal of difficulty with this long-distance polyamorous relationship thing, and it breaks my heart to see her so unhappy.

Later, on my way back from a client’s site, it’s a hot and muggy Florida afternoon, when without warning the heavens open up and it starts pouring down hail.

Hail. In Florida. Like, chunks of ice as big around as my little finger.

I’m driving home through a blinding hailstorm, and Pow! The car two cars in front of me gets nailed by a lightning bolt from the heavens. The bolt is so close I can hear the snap, smell the ozone, and the thunderclap feels like it’s going to make my head cave in.

When L. is sad, the heavens and the earth feel it.

I don’t mean i dislike spam; I mean I hate spam.

So much, in fact, that I will go to great length to track these bastards down. Exhibit A, from a piece of spam I received last night:

The Spamvertised Web site

http://rd.yahoo.com/2681/?http://penispill.redir.net

de-obfuscates to

http://penispill.redir.net (responsible party: ev1.com)

and redirects to

http://31290dsady896d8sa7d9jkldaslkdyiouhieqwklndkashduas6d79dyasiodhkasbdkjasbgduyasrd87astddd:hjkhaskjdghvdkastd78a65sd79yas8dyua89@www.az.ru/beaner21/

which de-obfuscates to

http://www.az.ru/beaner21/

which in turn redirects via “encrypted” HTML to

http://dick.playuhcom/dasddkjcz87897das98dnklnklen2h3jhkljaskhdjg12fhj.php

which de-obfuscates to

http://dick.playuh.com/dasddkjcz87897das98dnklnklen2h3jhkljaskhdjg12fhj.php (responsible party: sprint.net)

which redirects to

http://www.albionmedical.com

The Spamvertised Web site responsible party:
Leading Edge Marketing (support@leminfo.com)
2414 4th Avenue
Greeley, CO 80631
US
720-528-8091

The spamvertised Web site DNS services provided by Hurricane Electric (“he.net”)

The spamvertised Web site credit card processing provided by

https://secure.multicards.com/cgi-bin/order2/processorder1.pl
Merchant ID: 305030

============

This Web site is being advertised by unsolicited commercial email. This spam is originating from America Online accounts, because mail from one America Online address to another has no headers, and the spammer believes nobody will take action against him if his email has no headers.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

—————–
Forwarded Message:

Subj: Enlarge your penis with a PILL!!! *guaranteed*
Date: Wednesday, June 26, 2002 3:15:31 AM
From: Yeaaaaah
cc: TacitR, Anarchy For Eva, GuitarTBM, Jerizan, Laval1975, Oh so perceptive, SurfMan107, XXsUgANSpIzEXx, AMPUNK4U

ADD UP TO 3 INCHES WITH A PILL!! CLICK HERE
http://rd.yahoo.com/2681/?http://penispill.redir.net

On my way to work today, I noticed my fuel gauge was a bit low…and when I say “a bit low,” I mean “below empty.” So I pulled into a gas station and put 9.912 gallons of gas into a 10-gallon tank. I have got to get gas more often.

Friday lordfuckbeast and I saw “Minority Report.” Steven Spielberg finally got it right. He fucked up his first effort at doing cyberpunk (“AI”) beyond all recognition, but everything he got wrong in AI, he got right this time. I particularly liked the targeted advertising in the movie. And you thought popup ads were annoying…

Still trying to get a handle on making a long-distance poly relationship with a monogamous partner working. Evidence so far suggests i suck at long-distance relationships. Thank God everyone involved, including my wife kellyv, has been so patient with me…

Now I’m in the office trying to put together a Flash animation for a client. Is it my imagination, or deos macromedia Flash have the worst user interface ever conceived since Ventura Publisher?

Fron another shoot I haven’t finished printing yet–and sadly, no, the Titanium Powerbook isn’t mine.

Now, for a trick question: Name the object of lust in this photograph…

So, the guy who smacked into me at a red light and then foolishly tried to run pleaded guilty to all counts against him. I still can’t figure out what his deal was; guess he didn’t know those funny numbers on that metal deal on the back of his car could actually be used to find him…

His insurance company gave me a rental while my car is in the shop.

A Geo Metro. 3-cylinder engine, zero to sixty in about seventeen hours. I feel like I’m going to break the damn thing every time I open the door. Merging into freeway traffic is nothing short of harrowing. The car is clumsy, desperately underpowered, and slow. “Handling” is more or less theoretical; by “handling,” the designers mean “It goes in the general direction it’s pointed and won’t usually slide off the road without provocation.” I want my del Sol back!

Been a productive week other than that, though. The final plastics for the Symphony, the Internet-operated sex toy lordfuckbeast and I are working on, are done. Here’s what the final unit looks like:

Pretty, isn’t it?

I’m also making progress on the radio-control plane kellyv got me for my birthday. The easy work is about done; still a lot of hard work left to do, though.

By way of scale, it’s five feet wingtip to wingtip. I can hardly wait to get it finished and learn to fly it…

I still have to finish printing this shoot, and two others besides, and have had NO time to get in the darkroom. *sigh*

Yesterday was kellyv and my anniversary. Six years married, and I’d marry her all over again.

L. sent us the most gorgeous anniversary cake I’ve ever seen. She’s so amazing, and I feel very, very lucky to have them both in my life. In many ways, L. has enriched both of our lives, and she’s even been a catalyst to make Kelly and I reexamine some of the terms of our relationship. I love them both very much.

Like most people these days, I am constantly barraged with spam, the curse of the Internet. I usually spend about an hour a day tracking down the people who send me spam, and having their Web sites shut down. I can follow the spammers through blind redirectors, through “encrypted” Web sites that try to conceal their contents with lame systems like HTMLcrypt, and in some cases I have even tracked down the credit card processing companies and merchant banks of some of the more obnoxious spammers and had their merchant accounts suspended.

So, I read a lot of spam.

Last night, a priceless gem of an email landed in my mailbox promoting an “All Anal Hardcore Site!!!!!!!!!”. The most priceless thing about this particular spam was that it was written by someone obviously unfamiliar with the English language. To wit:

“One of them spoke- “…if you don’t ending, fuck me to anus. It’s my tightest hole…” Her advice is good! I got birth the glass of sperm after reading. And what you will do?”

That’s taken verbatim from the text. All your anus are belong to us? I know that if I don’t ending, I’ve always been fond of giving birth the glass of Mountain Dew, but to each his own…