Party pics you didn’t see on the Webcam, at least of those bits of the party suitable for family viewing.

Mostly work-safe, PG13

(From a reply to a post in polyamory)

People in the poly community will often tell you that the #1 requirement for a poly relationship is communication.

That’s true, as far as it goes, but it’s not really the most important rule of making polyamory work. It’s vital, it’s absolutely necessary, but it beginsa bit before that.

There’s one lesson about poly relationships that really ought to be Rule #0; it is, in my experience, the single most important rule of any poly relationship, but also the one people–even people with lots of experience–most often screw up:

Let your relationships be what they are. Do not force them to fit a shape that is not natural for them. Do not box them, cage them, or try to impose an arbitrary form on them.

You see poly people make this mistake all the time. It may take one of several forms.

The first, and most common, is attempting to enforce an arbitrary distinction: “I already have A Primary Relationship(tm), so I will make sure that from now on I have only Secondary Relationships(tm).” Just as it is impossible to force a casual relationship to be deep, so is it impossible to force a deep relationship to be casual; and trying to do so tends to hurt everyone involved–usually, the person required to be “secondary.” (In fact, such an arbitrary distinction tends to be rather cruel on anyone coming into an established relationship; when it works, it works by accident, not because the structure makes it work.)

The second, only slightly more common, version of this mistake: “I’m poly, but I absolutely will not let my partner see anyone who is not seeing me as well. Anyone who wants to date one of us dates both of us.” In real life, outside of Hot Bi Babe(tm) fantasies, relationships and connections form between different people at different rates, and relationships take on different shapes; expecting a relationship involving three people to develop at the same rate and in the same way all around is kind of foolish. In fact, those couples rarely find their Hot Bi Babe(tm), because real-life Hot Bi Babes(tm) want to be treated as human beings, not as sex toys and not as pets. (It often seems that the couple searching for the Hot Bi Babe(tm) wants someone willing to pack up and move across the country to be with them, promise not to make any waves or upset any applecarts, and who will go away without a fuss if he or she becomes a problem.)

Another classic mistake people in poly relationships often make: Expecting newcomers to the relationship not to change anything, not to make any ripples, and not to have any real impact in their day-to-day lives. Such people want external relationships provided they are tidy and convenient, but God help anyone who has any real needs! However, that’s a rant I’ll save for another time.

…Shelly and I will be in Boston the last few days of April and first few days of May, to visit the lovely ladytabitha.

I know a few people on my friends list are in that part of the world; we’re going to spend some time with roaming, which I’m looking forward to. So, anyone else? ectropy? starkaudio?

As certain politicians work diligently to prevent marriage between two people of the same sex, others of us have been busy drafting a Constitutional Amendment codifying all marriages entirely on Biblical principles. After all, God wouldn’t want us to “pick and choose” which of the Scriptures we elevate to civil law and which we choose to ignore:

Draft of a Constitutional Amendment to Defend Biblical Marriage:

* Marriage in the United States of America shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5.)

* Marriage shall not impede a man’s right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

* A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

* Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30, 2Cor 6:14)

* If a married man dies without children, his brother must marry the widow. If the brother refuses to marry the widow, or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen.38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)

* In lieu of marriage (if there are no acceptable men to be found), a woman shall get her father drunk and have sex with him. (Gen 19:31-36)

I hope this helps to clarify the finer details of the Government’s righteous struggle against the infidels and heathens among us.

Paul R. Ehrlich
Bing Professor of Population Studies
President, Center for Conservation Biology
Department of Biological Sciences
Stanford University, Stanford, CA 94305

I am drunk.

Birthday floggings.

That is all.

Robot gun emplacements: check
Biometric scanners: check
Webcam: check
Cake: in progress
St. Andrew’s cross: check

Still remaining to be done:
Power supplies
Door prizes

For those of you unable to attend, you’ll be able to see the Webcam images here.

I got userpics like the day is long…I got userpics like the day is long…

Almost forgot, i still have to finish lightgatherer‘s cybernetics before the party, too.

Aargh!

No, wait, scratch that, reverse it.

The party is now officially only five days away, and I’m still not ready. The robot gun emplacements are not finished yet, I haven’t even started on the biometric sensors, the cake still needs to be made, I have to find better speakers for the music system, I can’t find the power supply for the gene sequencer anywhere, the nanoassembly tank isn’t even close to being finished, and I don’t have a blasted thing to wear.

Aaaaarrrggghhhh! Planning a birthday party is a lot of work.

I think I can get the robot guns installed this evening, and the power supply’s got to be in the closet somewhere, but there’s still a lot to do.

I was rather surprised by the number of people answering my last poll who thought that replacement mechanical bodies are sucky rather than cool. Perhaps it’s my perception of the Void, or perhaps it’s my attitude about change, but I’ve always thought that was a gimmee–a better, immortal, mechanical version of my body? Yes, please…where do I sign?

Then again, there’s almost nothing I would not do for immortality. This is not necessarily because I do not believe in an afterlife (I don’t, really, though I won’t say I know for sure one way or the other)–but there is little doubt in my mind that if there’s an afterlife, it’s nothing like this one, and I’m not done with this one yet. There are still way too many things to see, do, learn, and experience. The afterlife can wait, preferrably until the heat death of the universe.

Which, on a scale of eternity, isn’t really all that far away.

So, out of curiousity, two polls. The first: What would you do for immortality? The second: How attached are you to your body?

Ready, kids? Here we go:

And, somewhat but not entirely related: