This morning, I woke up from a really vivid dream in which I was a magazine reporter doing an interview. I was interviewing the Shambling Horror from the Cursed Moor for a human-interest story, as one does. It was a long and quite vivid dream, that stuck with me while I was making tea.

As I recall, the dream went something like this:

Me: What’s the best part of your job?

Shambling Horror: You might think it’s opening demonic portals into the Void, or tearing the souls of the damned from their bodies, but those are really just the day-in, day-out stuff. The thing I really live for is that kid. You know, the one who gets it into his head that he’s going to go out on the first full moon of the year and see if all the stories about the ancient ruins are true.

He usually comes right up to the front door. You know, right down the Cursed Stairway to the Portal of Horror. And he’s all like “Hey, Cory, where are you? Cory, is that you? Where are you, Cory?” He doesn’t know his friend Cory chickened out at the last minute and is home with his mom sipping hot chocolate.

So this kid is all like “Cory, is that you?” and I step out of the shadows with all my tentacles writing and say “Yes, it is.” And then he goes high-tailing it back home…man, kids can run like gazelles!

Me: You don’t, like, devour his flesh or anything?

Shambling Horror: What do you think I am, a monster?

Me: Isn’t that a terrible thing to do?

Shambling Horror: Naah. That kid, the one who came out when his friend Cory stayed home? That kid is going to grow up to be an adventurer. He’s the kid who’s going to rescue damsels and slay dragons. You know why? Because he’s going to remember how scared he was, and that he still made it home alive, and that memory is going to stick with him. It’s going to remind him that no matter how scared he is, he can still do what he wants. That kid is going to be awesome! The Corys of the world are going to grow up to be accountants.

Me: So what about the grownups who visit the ruins on the moor?

Shambling Horror: Well, every now and then some damn fool gets it in his head he’s going to cleanse the world of an ancient evil or drive off the demonic host, and those guys come knocking on my door with a bunch of clerics and holy water and blessed swords or something. I can’t let that happen. So I have to deal with them, you know?

Me: Do you eat them?

Shambling Horror: What? No! Humans are filthy animals. Who knows what kind of diseases you carry. Ew! I’m not going to eat a human. Yuck!

Me: So what do you eat?

Shambling Horror: I have a lovely collection of artisanal cheeses in the basement. Cured on oak, not on metal shelves. I don’t care what anyone says, you can taste the difference. Some crackers, a nice wine…now that’s heaven. Or so I’ve heard. I wouldn’t know.

Yes, I have to live inside this head.

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