I know folks who’d fuck this light

Saturday, my roommate and I went to see the new X-Men movie.

This isn’t a post about that movie, except to say horrible movie was horrible, it’s boringly, tediously predictable, and Rorschach would have dropped him down an elevator shaft.

We got our tickets early, expecting a sell-out crowd (which never materialized; the theater was only about a quarter full), and then spent a little bit of time wandering around the tiny strip mall where the theater is located.

There’s a kitchen and bath shop right next to the theater, and in the showroom they have the most amazing chandelier. And I mean that in the worst possible way.

It’s a crappy picture, taken as it was through the window into a darkened store with my iPhone. Still, I think it gets the general idea across.

The chandelier is huge, and is made of an enormous lump of glass with long tentacles coming out of it. And, I want to add, each of those tentacles has a knob on the end of it. An oblong, rounded knob.

This is a lamp for people who really, really, really love their Japanese tentacle porn. This is a lamp that would, were it not chained down, be able to fuck half a dozen schoolgirls in every available orifice simultaneously, without breaking a sweat.

This is the lamp you’d see in the main foyer of a Japanese tentacle demon’s house, assuming they had houses (which they don’t) and used chandeliers (which they also don’t). This lamp is not so much a source of illumination as it is a tribute to Legend of the Overfiend and La Blue Girl wrought in extruded glass and electricity. This lamp is the stuff of nightmares, or perhaps of erotic dreams if Hentai tentacoo wape is your thing. Merely sleeping under this lamp opens a doorway to Realms Beyond, filled with unspeakable horrors desiring to do unspeakable things to nubile flesh.

I think I want it.

66 thoughts on “I know folks who’d fuck this light

  1. thanks to verizon

    im reading this while waiting for the same movie to *start*. Im here for my hubbie the comic book geek, hugh jackman, and mindless explosions. My expectations are low. *g*

  2. thanks to verizon

    im reading this while waiting for the same movie to *start*. Im here for my hubbie the comic book geek, hugh jackman, and mindless explosions. My expectations are low. *g*

  3. I think even further win could be achieved by getting LED’s of varying colours in the bulbous ends *nodnod*

    Some frosting might not be amiss either πŸ™‚

  4. I think even further win could be achieved by getting LED’s of varying colours in the bulbous ends *nodnod*

    Some frosting might not be amiss either πŸ™‚

  5. We’ve got a Chihuly in the entrance to the engineering school at UNO (University of Nebraska at Omaha) – Toreador Red, it’s called. Every time I went to class, I thought about tentacles. These may or may not be connected, to be fair.

  6. We’ve got a Chihuly in the entrance to the engineering school at UNO (University of Nebraska at Omaha) – Toreador Red, it’s called. Every time I went to class, I thought about tentacles. These may or may not be connected, to be fair.

  7. I rather like tentacle porn, so I read this post and then type tentacle into google. Google so helpfully tries to finish your sentences, so up pops ‘tentacle grape’ as first choice. What’s that? THIS is the first site that came up.
    http://www.tentaclegrape.com/

    Mind you I didn’t type in tentacle PORN, just tentacle. hehe

    Apparently a whole new area I knew nothing of. Thanks google! Imagine a school kid studying octopi. wow.

  8. I rather like tentacle porn, so I read this post and then type tentacle into google. Google so helpfully tries to finish your sentences, so up pops ‘tentacle grape’ as first choice. What’s that? THIS is the first site that came up.
    http://www.tentaclegrape.com/

    Mind you I didn’t type in tentacle PORN, just tentacle. hehe

    Apparently a whole new area I knew nothing of. Thanks google! Imagine a school kid studying octopi. wow.

    • Okay. That one wins so much it’s not even funny any more. I swear that if you just get a few dozen robed man under it chanting IΓ€! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young! and maybe killing a girl or two (I’m not in favor of that sort of thing normally but in a moment like that there are traditions to keep up) it’ll come alive and start reigning the world. Or eating it.

  9. I think I know just where it could go!

    Oh! And liking it.. makes me want to finish learning enough glass to make one. Albeit, artistry like that will take years to master.

  10. I think I know just where it could go!

    Oh! And liking it.. makes me want to finish learning enough glass to make one. Albeit, artistry like that will take years to master.

    • Well, it’s still hanging in the kitchen and bath shop at Medlock Crossing in Atlanta, but better act quick–a priceless treasure like that is sure to be snapped up fast!

  11. Well, it’s still hanging in the kitchen and bath shop at Medlock Crossing in Atlanta, but better act quick–a priceless treasure like that is sure to be snapped up fast!

  12. This is the lamp that H.P.Lovecraft would have put into the dens of the worshippers of the Deep Ones, if it wasn’t for the fact that most of his describtions ran along the lines of “unspeakable! indescribable! unimaginable!”, with a “non-Euclidian” thrown in now and then.

  13. This is the lamp that H.P.Lovecraft would have put into the dens of the worshippers of the Deep Ones, if it wasn’t for the fact that most of his describtions ran along the lines of “unspeakable! indescribable! unimaginable!”, with a “non-Euclidian” thrown in now and then.

  14. Okay. That one wins so much it’s not even funny any more. I swear that if you just get a few dozen robed man under it chanting IΓ€! Shub-Niggurath! The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young! and maybe killing a girl or two (I’m not in favor of that sort of thing normally but in a moment like that there are traditions to keep up) it’ll come alive and start reigning the world. Or eating it.

  15. You know he really loves to [BEEEEEEEEEEP]. I’m sure he’d love to [BEEEEEEEEEEP] all the knobs. – ZM, reminding all that a wizard’s staff has a knob on the end

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