From an Onion article: Evangelical Scients Refute Gravity with New ‘Intelligent Falling’ Theory
Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein’s ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.
“Let’s take a look at the evidence,” said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden.”In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, ‘And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.’ He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, ‘But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.’ If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling.”
Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton’s mathematics and Holy Scripture.
“Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein’s general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world,” said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. “They’ve been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don’t know how.”
Hey, it’s no less asinine than this ridiculous “Intelligent Design” nonsense.
In other news, it appears that the ceiling in our new apartment is made of concrete. This has posed quite a significant challenge; I haven’t been able to set up the computers yet. Bought a special drill bit designed for concrete and a bunch of masonry screws the other day, and spent a good deal of last night standing on a table with concrete dust raining down on me, and I still haven’t been able to set up the computers.
This is a serious problem, because I’m having World of Warcraft withdrawal.
In other news, Shelly found my airbrush while we were moving, which means I may need to paint her some time in the near future. 🙂
And finally, we’re desperately trying to pare down our total quantity of Stuff, as we’ve moved from a three-bedroom to a one-bedroom apartment. Things to be got rid of include about 50 “egg” style vibrators (new, unused, in original packaging) and a stunning number of cobalt-blue coffee mugs. We’re considering a Sex Toy and Coffee Mug Giveaway party in the not-too-distant future. Anyone interested?