Because my server is back up, and it’s late, …

…and I have a sick sense of humor, and nothing better to do with Photoshop at 1:30 in the morning:

Those of you who are not addicted to World of Warcraft can move along, nothing to see here.

Okay, that’s weird…

So my business site is back up, kind of. You can’t surf to it–you get the Network Solutions “domain expired” redirect–but you can load images from it, and my FTP program shows all the files still there.

So I guess that images may or may not load in my journal over the next few days. Grr.

A perfectly sucktackular day…

In which our hero rants about things aggravating him, which are many, and then bends a meme to his own ends.

Okay, first of all, anyone who reads my journal right now won’t be able to see any pictures.

There’s a reason for this. The short form of the reason for this is that of the approximately six billion or so human beings on the planet, about five know how to behave with any maturity when things are emotionally stressful.

The long reason for this is that I have (or, technically, HAD) a business Web site, which once upon a time was registered with and hosted by a small local ISP called “Rapid Systems.” I used this ISP because it is owned by the brother of an old college friend and business partner of mine, and he and I had been friends for quite a number of years. He registered the domain in his own name, not mine.

Fast-forward to last year. My old college buddy and former partner has a falling-out with me, for two reasons: first, he decides (as is typical, it seems, for many people) that he’s going to take sides in my divorce, and second, he owes me money. Has owed me money for a long time. Apparently, he spent the money on something else and doesn’t intend ever to pay me back. So he decides to stop speaking to me, and (I’m assuming) his brother does likewise.

I contacted his brother several times to get the domain name transferred to my name; at first, he kept saying “okay, I’ll do that,” and didn’t, then eventually he stopped responding to me at all. So now the domain has expired. I can’t renew it because my name isn’t on the registration; I can’t re-register it because Network Solutions puts a hold on expired domains.

So you won’t be seeing any images in my LiveJournal until I get this all straightened out. Sorry. I used to host images on my personal site, but it’s been blacklisted by a lot of net blocking software, so until now I had been putting LJ images (save for anything, y’know, sexy) on my business site.

Oh, yeah, did I mention that it’s my business site that’s all screwed up?


So, the meme part. There’s this meme traveling around LiveJournal that tells you to put “[yourname] needs” into Google. Hilarity often ensues.

I did this, and was told by the Great Oracle Google that “Franklin needs a stadium,” “Franklin needs a few hot glue guns,” and “Franklin needs a good nickname.” Not really very interesting.

It gets more fun, though, if you try different variants. Want to see some real hilarity? Try Googling for “[yourname] eats” or “[yourname] hates” instead.

“Franklin eats by gathering five legs in one hand and then pulling the shell away from their still pulsating body.” “Franklin eats from blood stained baskets.” “Franklin eats all the doritoes, and Alby gets pissed, and decides he’s going to invent a bomb to kill frank.”

“Franklin hates the whole idea, but when a drunk gives him a silver dollar and gets him to play a slot machine, everything changes.” “Franklin hates everyone who can walk, and Winston hates everyone who is sober.” “Franklin hates it, but I have to admit, I’m fascinated by it. The amount of snot
that thing can suck down from one nostril is amazing.” “Franklin hates war, but it is his life.”

Hell, let’s keep going, this is fun!

Franklin punches Coach Yesutis and gave him a bloody nose because that was very funny.
Franklin opens the doors of the cabinet and pauses, looking round him suspiciously.
Franklin believes there has been a recent increase in the participation of a younger generation in same-sex activities.
Franklin screams again, praying for Death to come.
Franklin jumps from a helicopter and the bad guys fire machine guns at him.
Franklin tastes like dirt- I don’t recommend it.
Franklin has a diverse arsenal.
Franklin wishes to confine the ‘dark vast forest’ of the soul of man in a barbed-wire paddock.
Franklin knows what to expect from his foe, even with the improved war tactics.

I can’t log on to OK Cupid

Now, this might not ordinarily seem newsworthy, except that I can’t reach OK Cupid, either.

That, of itself, also isn’t newsworthy. What is newsworthy is the reason behind it, which has to do with corporate greed and very poor behavior on the part of some very big companies.

Two very big companies, to be exact. Level 3 Communications, an enormous and giddily spam-happy ISP, and Cogent Communications, an enormous and less spam-friendly ISP.

Cogent is pricing bandwidth very aggressively, and Level 3, they don’t much care for that. So Level 3 has ended its Tier 1 peering agreement with Cogent.

Essentially, in quick and hopefully not too technical terms, it means that two of the biggest carriers of Internet traffic are not speaking to each other right now. What that means is that the Internet has been split; for many end users, there is no way for people on one side of the divide to reach Web sites on the other, and vice versa. For example, right now most RoadRunner customers cannot reach OK Cupid.

Level 3 has been known to do this sort of shit before; in fact, there’s an article on Slashdot about it. Cogent is dealing with the problem by offering current Level 3 customers free connections to the Cogent network, on account of Level 3 being a bunch of mewling, lice-infested, pus-oozing filthy bastards and all.

Cogent Communications has released a statement about the issue. I can’t read it, because I’m on the wrong side of the divide and can’t reach Cogent’s servers.

By all accounts I’ve seen, Level 3 is being a bunch of right bastards here.

So if you’re having trouble reaching certain Web sites, that’s why.

Edit: Less than ten minutes after posting this, OK Cupid became reachable. Clearly, I should have complained sooner!

Preparing for the Future: Personhood Theory

We as a species have tended to have difficulty from time to time figuring out what makes someone a “person.” At various points in time, we’ve said that people with dark skin aren’t really “people,” or people who worship thus-and-such an imaginary friend rather than the imaginary friend we prefer aren’t “people;” hell, much of the world still believes, in this day and age, that women aren’t people, or that Jews aren’t people. The Tutsi tribe in Rwanda believes that the Hutu tribesmen aren’t people, and the opinion appears to be shared in the other direction.

And we ain’t seen nothing yet.

A lot of people don’t see it coming just yet, but it’s racing toward us with the ferocity of a freight train driven by a crack-addled monkey with a toothache: there’s going to come a time, and those of you on my friends list who are younger than I am will probably live to see it, when debates about whether or not black people have souls, and the attendant wars which have followed those debates, will look like a minor squabble at a Boy Scout camp.

So, as a public service for those of you who’re going to be faced with this particular poser, I offer a quick, easy rule you can remember when you’re trying to puzzle out the right thing to do:

If it’s sapient, it’s a person.

Gays? Yep, they’re people. Dark-skinned folk? Yep, they’re people, too. Stay with me, here.

Clones? People. Experimental monkeys with augmented brains? You got it–people. Artificial intelligences? Uh-huh…people. Constructs made by mapping a person’s brain into a neural network simulation? People.

Now, there are certain rules you have to live by when you’re dealing with people. First, if you do something, and after that thing you do, a person isn’t there any more, that probably isn’t cool. Switching off the AI? Dropping the clone into the waste-disposal chute? Murder. Even if the experiment didn’t go quite the way you intended.

Second, a funny thing about people is that you can’t own ’em and you can’t sell ’em; we’ve been through this already, and it’s a settled point, m’kay? Yep, even if you owned the computer you built the simulation on, as soon as the upload is done and the person you’ve uploaded looks through the Webcam you’ve thoughtfully hooked up and says “Whoa, so this is what it’s like to be inside a computer!” it ain’t your computer any more. Sorry. Maybe you can, I don’t know, take a tax writeoff or something.

If it’s sapient, it’s a person. Pretty simple really. That ought to help get you through a few moral conundrums.

Everyone on LiveJournal is talking about Serenity…

…so I figure I might as well too.

I’ve never liked rap music. Yes, I do plan to talk about Serenity, but it’s going to take me a little while to get there (and no, Serenity has nothing to do with rap music, nor is there any rap music in the movie or in anything associated with the movie. Hang on).

I’ve never liked rap music, and I’ve always assumed it’s because as a musical form, it sucks. I’ve never heard anything interesting done with it. However, after Shelly and I started dating, she gave me a Linkin Park CD, and I discovered that it wasn’t the musical form that sucks; it was every rap artist I’d ever heard.

Linkin Park isn’t rap, really. Nor is it alternative, nor industrial, though it has elements of all three in it. What Linkin Park is, though, is brilliant. Technically, compositionally, and in content, it’s brilliant. The band is proof that you can take rap–one of the members of the band is a rapper, and one is the singer, and the weave spoken and sung lines together in ways that are very interesting–and do something novel with it, and rap about things other than the rapper’s cock, the rapper’s hoes, and the rapper’s ride.

When you take dissimilar forms and put them together in unexpected ways, you sometimes end up with brilliance. Part of waht makes the band Evanescence so interesting is the way they combine pop, industrial, and thrash metal; not something that sounds like it can be done well, or even at all, but something that not only works in practice, but sometimes succeeds brilliantly.


I’ve never liked Westerns, either. Like rap, every Western I’ve ever seen–which was, unfortunately, more than I would ever have liked, as my ex-inlaws loved to sit around watching Westerns during holiday get-togethers–has been about nothing interesting to me, done in a way not interesting to me, with characters and story not interesting to me. The idea of John Wayne riding into town and beating up the Indians or cattle rustlers or whatever, armed only with his six-shooter and a smarmy assurance in the superiority of the God-fearing white man? Rubbish.


Truth be told, I’m not all that fond of TV science fiction either. Most of it is rubbish as well; take Star Trek (please!). The original series broke new ground, and every series to follow plowed that same gorund, never really (with the arguable exception of Deep Space Nine in its better moments) taking any risks or trying anything new. TIME magazine had it right when they reviewed Star Trek: Voyager; their review consisted of a plot synopsis of the first half-dozen episodes or so, and the episodes of earlier Star Treks with precisely the same plots. Boring, predictable, hackneyed science fantasy with the same technobabble we’ve all seen a thousand times before, the same noble characters doing the same noble things, the same hopeless situations that the characters resolve neatly in sixty-minute chunks with time left over for commercials about laundry detergent. Trite, boring, bland, non-threatening rubbish.


When the television show Firefly was on TV, I ignored it. I had some friends who said “Oh, this show is cool! It’s science fiction!” Generally speaking, that right there is enough to make me say, “Oh, that’s cool! Pardon me while I go drive spikes into my eyes!” I’ve been consistently disappointed by TV science fiction (or, more accurately, science fantasy, or space soap opera, or whatever) to even want to go near it.

Now, Firefly isn’t, or properly wasn’t, traditional science fiction. It’s more like a science fiction western–my two least favorite television genres, with the possible exception of reality TV. The only thing I can imagine that’s more appalling than watching a science fiction western is watching a science fiction western combined with that absolutely godawful show “The Apprentice”–‘Number one, you let the cattle rustlers escape with the crate of dilithium crystals! YOU’RE FIRED!’ Gah.


Boy, did I screw the pooch. I’ve now seen about half the episodes of Firefly, and I can understand why the show was cancelled so quickly; it’s too brilliant to be on television.

Firefly has a very large main cast. Yet in spite of that, each of the main characters is vivid and three-dimensional, complex and very, very real. The dialog is coarse and gritty and beautiful. The characters are morally ambiguous; the stories are nuanced and affecting and don’t offer the audience any easy outs.

And it all succeeds brilliantly on the big screen.


First, imagine Star Wars. Now, imagine Star Wars if the rebels had well and truly lost–which, in reality, they would have. Now, imagine that the Imperial government is not evil simply for the sake of being evil–totalitarian, yes; autocratic, yes; ruthless and oppressive, yes; but made up of people, some of whom sincerely believe that they are doing the right thing by bringing civilization to the galaxy. Some of whom are doing the right thing by bringing civilization to the galaxy.

Now, picture a man living on the fringes of that society, making his way as a smuggler. Picture this man as someone willing to do whatever it takes to survive, no matter the cost. Even if that means shooting an unarmed man. Even if that means doing morally questionable things.

Even if that means doing morally reprehensible things.

In other words, Serenity is not the comic-book, black-and-white, good guys against the evil Empire pap of the Star Wars movies. It’s a study in shades of gray, and when the main characters find themselves in situations where they need to make hard choices and people will get hurt no matter what they choose, there’s no brilliant Star Trek deus ex machina or technobabble handwaving that comes along and makes everything okay. They make hard choices, and people get hurt, and people suffer, and those choices have consequences, and that’s the way it is.


A lot of people get hurt in Serenity. A lot of people suffer. A lot of people do reprehensible things, and it’s not always the bad guys who do them. Serenity is not a peaceful movie. And when people get hurt, it’s not antiseptic and clean like it is in Star Wars. There aren’t gunfights with blasters where faceless adversaries in sterile white suits fall down. It’s ugly and it’s messy and it makes you feel the consequences of these ugly, messy things.

And it doesn’t insult the audience.


If you haven’t already, go see this movie. And don’t expect to be spoon-fed a tidy story of good versus evil. In the end, there are people who survive, and people who don’t; and sometimes, the people who survive are bad people; and sometimes, the people who don’t are good people; and sometimes, people aren’t really bad or good so much as they are simply people, and they will do whatever it takes to survive.

And sometimes, there’s art in that.

God hates gays? Not quite.

Do Gays Cause Hurricanes? by Janis Walworth

Do “Unnatural” Acts Cause Natural Disasters?

Pat Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition, recently warned Orlando, Florida, that it was courting natural disaster by allowing gay pride flags to be flown along its streets. “A condition like this will bring about … earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor,” he said, apparently referring to his belief that the presence of openly gay people incurs divine wrath and that God acts through geological and meteorological events to destroy municipalities that permit gay people the same civil liberties as others. (Robertson also warned Orlando about terrorist bombs, suggesting the possibility that God may also employ terrorists.)

Before Pat and his Christian cronies get too carried away promulgating the idea that natural disasters are prompted by people who displease God,they should take a hard look at the data. Take tornadoes. Every state (except Alaska) has them – some only one or two a year, dozens in others. Gay people are in every state (even Alaska). According to Pat’s hypothesis, there should be more gay people in states that have more tornadoes. But are there? Continue reading

In Defense of the Human Species

I read a number of online forums every day–LiveJournal, mailing lists, newsgroups, tech support forums, and so on. Recently, someone on one of the Macintosh-related tech support forums I read left a message decrying the voracious appetite for mass destruction that represents the whole of the human condition, and said, rather dramatically, that it’s high time to “pull the plug on the human experiment” and wipe all of humanity off the face of the universe.

This idea is rather trendy, and always has been rather trendy, among a certain breed of cynic. Humanity, so the reasoning goes, is an unstoppable force of pure destruction, eradicating nature and exterminating other species wherever it goes. Human beings, according to this line of reasoning, are a violation of the normal natural order; we do not respect the balance and harmony of nature, we spread like a disease and corrupt everything we touch.

Bullshit.

Bullshit on the harmony and balance of nature; there is no such thing. Bullshit on the natural order; competition and destruction are writ large into it. Bullshit on the entire lot of it.


Now, it is true that humanity can and often is destructive to other species. Countless thousands of species of life on Earth have been rendered extinct through the direct or indirect action of man. This loss of species, and the attendant ecological damage that goes with it, is an appalling waste that can not and should not be justified. So clearly, the world would be better off without us, yes?

No. As appalling and wasteful as it is, if you take man out of the equation, nothing changes. Widescale, rampant species extinction is a part of natural history, and man, for all his inventive, monkey-brained destructiveness, isn’t even terribly good at it.

Remember all that stuff you’ve heard about the balance of nature? It’s bunk. There is no such thing. “Balance” occurs in nature only when competing species fight one another to a stalemate. The stalemate never lasts; as soon as one species gains the upper hand, it’s curtains for the loser. Nature is not about balance and harmony; nature is a ceaseless war, with no quarter given and no mercy granted, and the loser is wiped out, never to return. This has always been the way of nature, since long before man with his high cranial capacity and penchant for language and tool-use, arrived on the scene, and it will continue to be the way of nature if we all disappear tomorrow. The way nature works is pretty straightforward: get resources, at the expense of every competitor and by any means possible, or die.

Our big brains–those ones that give us language and reason and analytical cognition and spears and flint knives and bulldozers and iPods–are tools of survival, just like fangs and claws. We use them to do what every species uses its tools for; we use them to survive.


There’s an interesting thing about those who want to end the human experiment; they don’t apply the same values to the rest of nature that they do to humanity. If a predator like a lion hunts some prey animal into extinction, they don’t see this as a tragedy. If a new species arises that entirely dominates its ecological niche, displacing and then destroying all its competition, they don’t call for that species to be exterminated. Only humans get judged that way.

And if you say “That’s because only humans know better,” you’ve just made my next point for me.


Humans are hardly the most destructive species ever to rise on Mother Earth. That honor would have to go to the lowly cyanobacterium, the first photosynthetic organism and in terms of raw biomass arguably the most successful organism on Earth. Yes, I’m talking about plain old ordinary blue-green algae.

You see, when life first arose on Planet Earth, there was no oxygen in the air. This planet, like all rocky planets reasonably close in to their star, began with a reducing atmosphere, not an oxygenating atmosphere.

Life evolved here in a reducing atmosphere; and to an organism whose metabolism is not based on oxygen, oxygen is a deadly poison. The problem with anaerobic life, though, is that it tends to be rather sluggish. Metabolisms not based on oxygen aren’t very energetic; oxygen is a boon, because it allows for a very fast, high-energy metabolism, but it’s also a curse, because it’s corrosive and toxic and tends to degrade and destroy complex organic molecules.

Life got along quite splendidly without oxygen, until the arrival of blue-green algae and a newfangled survival tool called “photosynthesis.”


Photosynthesis is a complex and fiddly process, which is why it took a very long time for any organism to make it work. When it works, it works well, though, because all you need to power your cells is carbon dioxide, sunlight, and a few other trace elements. But it releases oxygen, and oxygen is bad news.

For everyone else.

The arrival of photosynthetic cyanobacteria forever altered the planet’s atmosphere. Cyanobacteria spread like wildfire, because they had a great schtick: they could produce energy from sunlight, and the metabolic byproduct–oxygen–poisoned everything around them, wiping out their competition and providing fertilizer at the same time.

If you weren’t a cyanobacterium, it was a disaster. Species were exterminated everywhere the cyanobacteria went. As the atmosphere changed, species were exterminated everywhere, period. Only two species of life are known to have survived the catastrophe–one of them a type of anaerobic bacterium that can sometimes infect people, and the other a pesky anaerobic bacterium that causes botulism. Everything else? Gone. Destroyed. All wiped out–down to every species on the whole planet save two–by blue-green algae.

A commendable accomplishment, if one values this sort of thing. Certainly an accomplishment man has yet to equal.


Now, nobody I know of has ever called for an end to the “photosynthetic experiment,” nor said that oxygen-producing life is a disease on the planet that must be eradicated. You see, when blue-green algae causes an ecological catastrophe on a global scale, wiping out countless species, it’s all part of the natural order of things. Yet when man does the same thing, we’re a blight on the planet. The difference? We know better.

And that illustrates a very important point.

The idea that species should be preserved? The idea that extinction is bad? The idea that natural living things have value in and of themselves? These are human values. They are not found in nature. Only human beings hold these values. These values are only meaningful to human beings. Humans are alone among all forms of life in the sense that we alone can form abstract ideas about good and bad, we alone can see and appreciate the value of things beyond their value as food or competition.

Nature is a bitch. Nature is fine with mass extinction. Nature is fine with smacking an asteroid the size of Boston into an inhabited planet, killing every land animal with a body mass over five kilograms or so. Nature is ruthless, uncaring, and indifferent to whether something lives or dies. To nature, a planet teeming with life is just as good as a sterile bolder; it’s all the same. Ideas about whether or not something “deserves” to live are not natural; these ideas exist only as human ideas. And that makes all the difference.


The person who wants to pull the plug on the human experiment does not realize that doing so would not actually accomplish anything. It would not create order or harmony; it would not stop the endless cycle of competitoin and extinction. All it would do is destroy something unique, something which has never in the history of this world been seen before.

It would remove the one species of life on this planet that has the power and the ability to destroy another species, and can choose not to.


Humans are not unique in their ability to upset ecological systems and destroy other species. It’s pure hubris to believe that we are. Indeed, it’s arrogant to believe that we could destroy all life on earth; even our entire nuclear arsenals would likely not be able to do this. Destroying all life on earth, down to the last bacterium, is a more challenging problem than it seems. The cyanobacteria came pretty damn close, but there are nontrivial problems like deep-sea volcanic-vent organisms, bacteria that can withstand enormous doses of radiation and form spores capable of surviving for thousands of years, and pesky things like that which would quite likely thumb their noses at any attempt on our part to wipe out all life on earth.

But we are unique nonetheless. Our uniqueness lies in the fact that of all forms of life this planet has ever seen, only one has ever chosen not to compete with another species–indeed, even chosen to support another species, and sought to preserve it–when there is no direct and immediate gain in doing so. We as a species do know better; and the fact that we are capable of holding values which say that extinction is bad, and are capable of acting on those values, and indeed are even capable of saying that we should eliminate ourselves in order to protect competing species (species which, it must be said, would have no similar qualms about driving us to extinction were our roles reversed), is proof that we are not merely an unchecked destructive force.


We alone among all the billions of organisms which exist or have ever existed on this planet can form value judgments about the consequences of our actions. We alone among all the organisms which exist can see the beauty in other life simply for its own sake, and choose not to use the tools nature provided with to survive at their expense. We alone can say “I have the ability to use my big brain to out-compete this species, and I see gain in doing so, but I will not.”

A predator that drives its prey into extinction soon follows; and in fact this happens all the time. I’m not suggesting that protecting other life is entirely altruistic; the same can happen to us. But that, too, makes us unique; other species do not see the consequences of their struggle to survive, and we do.

The law of nature is “survival at all costs.” Only human beings, alone of all species, can say “this cost is too high; I choose another way.”

A virus…

…contracted from mtfierce. When you see this on your Friends list, quote Shakespeare.

What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculty! In form and moving, how express and admirable! In action, how like an angel! In apprehension, how like a god!

Shelly and I were just talking about Shakespeare on Saturday, at Busch Gardens.

Brilliant man, that Shakespeare. It’s a pity the language barrier keeps people from really appreciating him.