I need to find a new place to shop

So a couple days ago I was looking over my grocery list:

Milk
Eggs
Androids
Cat food
Respirocytes
Cereal
Iron (4.485×1024 kg)
Ziploc bags
Tylenol
Light bulbs
Royalty-free porn
Stereo lithographer
SD media reader with Mac drivers
Chocolate eclairs

I prefer shopping at Publix, but they don’t carry everything on my list. I tried the Super Wal-Mart around the corner, but there are a few things they don’t carry, either. Anyone got any suggestions?

32 thoughts on “I need to find a new place to shop

  1. Iron (4.485×1024 kg)
    Still lookin’ ta’ make that fist, eh? Yeah, I’ve got a suggestion for ‘ya- get a good shovel and start digging, buddy! If you meet any Chinese people you’ve gone too far. πŸ˜‰

    Oh, and you can get respirocytes at any Super Wal-Mart, but they’re not currently in stock. It may be a while, but I expect they’ll be in the pharmacy section with the iodine and other first aid products.

    Likewise, you can get androids at Best Buy or CompUSA if you’re sufficiently patient, but I’d really recommend going to a dealer who specializes in such things. You’ll find a better selection and higher overall quality. You may even want to try the Apple store. I believe they carry SD media readers, so you could ask them about androids while you’re there.

    Royalty-free porn? I know for a fact that you have several friends who are exhibitionists. I’ll leave the details as an exercise for the reader. πŸ˜‰

      • No need. If he finds any Chinese people he’s already passed right by his goal. He just has to go halfway back.

        I’m really rather surprised you didn’t say anything about my exhibitionist comment. πŸ˜‰

    • I was hoping not to have to dig for the iron on my own, for three reasons:

      1. I don’t want to have to smelt, purify, and refine it myself;
      2. The amount I need is approximately equal to the amount available on the entire planet, meaning that there’ll be none available for the automotive industry, and that has certain legal consequences and implications; and
      3. The amount I need is approximately equal to the amount available on the planet, which means the planet will be reduced to slag and rubble in the process of obtaining the iron, which would rather take the fun out of USING it. I need to buy it from an importer.

      • If you’re going to let trivialities like these stop you then I guess you just don’t want it badly enough!

        Sheesh. And all this time I thought your ambition was your greatest advantage against me…

        • Hmm. You know, you’re absolutely right. I think I’m going to start adapting my heavily armed orbital fortress tiny orbiting research platform for asteroid mining immediately.

  2. Iron (4.485×1024 kg)
    Still lookin’ ta’ make that fist, eh? Yeah, I’ve got a suggestion for ‘ya- get a good shovel and start digging, buddy! If you meet any Chinese people you’ve gone too far. πŸ˜‰

    Oh, and you can get respirocytes at any Super Wal-Mart, but they’re not currently in stock. It may be a while, but I expect they’ll be in the pharmacy section with the iodine and other first aid products.

    Likewise, you can get androids at Best Buy or CompUSA if you’re sufficiently patient, but I’d really recommend going to a dealer who specializes in such things. You’ll find a better selection and higher overall quality. You may even want to try the Apple store. I believe they carry SD media readers, so you could ask them about androids while you’re there.

    Royalty-free porn? I know for a fact that you have several friends who are exhibitionists. I’ll leave the details as an exercise for the reader. πŸ˜‰

  3. No need. If he finds any Chinese people he’s already passed right by his goal. He just has to go halfway back.

    I’m really rather surprised you didn’t say anything about my exhibitionist comment. πŸ˜‰

  4. I was hoping not to have to dig for the iron on my own, for three reasons:

    1. I don’t want to have to smelt, purify, and refine it myself;
    2. The amount I need is approximately equal to the amount available on the entire planet, meaning that there’ll be none available for the automotive industry, and that has certain legal consequences and implications; and
    3. The amount I need is approximately equal to the amount available on the planet, which means the planet will be reduced to slag and rubble in the process of obtaining the iron, which would rather take the fun out of USING it. I need to buy it from an importer.

  5. If you’re going to let trivialities like these stop you then I guess you just don’t want it badly enough!

    Sheesh. And all this time I thought your ambition was your greatest advantage against me…

  6. Hmm. You know, you’re absolutely right. I think I’m going to start adapting my heavily armed orbital fortress tiny orbiting research platform for asteroid mining immediately.

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