The Rules for Life

Never play pool with anyone named after a city (eg, “Philadelphia Jones”).

Never go to bed with anyone who has a tattoo of a dagger on any part of their body.

Never sleep with anyone crazier than you are.

If someone approaches you with the intention of doing you good, RUN.

If someone says “It’s not the money, it’s the principle of the thing,” it’s the money.

True love doesn’t conquer all.

Money can buy happiness–or at least, make the pursuit of happiness a whole lot easier.

The police are not your friends. The law is not there for you.

If someone says “You’re right, I think we shouldn’t sleep together any more–let’s just be friends,” they still want to sleep with you.

“Art for art’s sake” is the philosophy of the well-fed.

More evil is done by people who genuinely believe they are good than by people who know they are wicked.

People are not basically good. Nor are they basically evil. People are basically selfish.

Cheaters sometimes win. Winners sometimes cheat.

Crime does pay. If you do it right, it pays very, very, very well.

Money can buy you love. And the beauty of it is, you don’t even have to part with the money to get the love.

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