If you don’t play World of Warcraft, move along, nothing to see here.
If you DO play World of Warcraft, then this is some funny shit, yo. Having played both a paladin and a warlock, I can absolutely attest that, like life, it’s funny because it’s true
So this evening, my roommate David and I went shopping after work.
We had to make it fast, because we both had raid tonight. In fact, he talked to his raid leader on the way to the store, so that we’d have an idea of how much time we could spend shopping.
Which got us to thinking how to tell if you’re completely addicted1 to World of Warcraft. The warning signs are pretty subtle, so it can sometimes be a difficult call to make. Still, there are a few little signs and signals that might tip you off. To wit:
1. Your boss asks you if you can work overtime, and you say “Sorry, no can do. We’re raiding tonight. Sartharion, booyeah!”
2. Your new sweetie asks you out on a romantic date, and you say “Sorry, no can do. We’re raiding tonight. Sartharion 25-man, booyeah!”
3. You’re scheduling a funeral for a family member and you realize it can’t be on Saturday, because you’re raiding that night. Sartharion 10-man with three drakes up, booyeah!
4. Your fiancée wants to go out shopping for wedding rings, and you have a fleeting moment when you think “Shopping? We don’t need to do that! I can craft a [Titanium Spellshock Ring]!
5. You have your real-life wedding in-game.
6. …and ALL of your friends show up.
7. …and think it’s cool.
8. And your family shows up, too.
9. You install an add-on that lets you play another game inside the game while you’re idle or traveling somewhere.
10. Your character’s cooking skill is higher than yours.
11. You schedule vacations around the release dates for game expansions.
12. You schedule vacations around patch day.
13. Two words: Soloing Onyxia, booyeah!
14. The porn folder on your computer contains screen shots of that time you soloed a Fel Reaver at level 69.
15. …and you weren’t playing a warlock.
16. The first thing you ask that new hottie who just moved in across the street is “Horde or Alliance?”
17. And if the answer is “Alliance,” you know a relationship will never work. Fuckin’ pansy-ass Alliance, anyway.
18. The three things you look for in a vacation spot are power, broadband Internet access, and… Come to think of it, there’s really only two things you need in a vacation spot.
19. Actually, you don’t really need to go anywhere on vacation. Travel takes away time you could spend playing!
20. And so does sex, for that matter.
21. You may drive a [1977 Chevy Vega] in real life, but who cares? Your character rides a [Mechano-hog]! Booyeah, baby! Put that in your [Dark Iron Smoking Pipe] and smoke it!
22. Your [Tigule and Foror’s Strawberry Ice Cream] brings all the boys to the yard.
23. Those “World of Whorecraft” porn videos bug you because they keep getting the lore wrong.
24. When you go to lunch, you tell your boss “AFK for 30”.
25. “LF 1 GF. Will be checking gear.”
26. You know your way around Alterac Valley better than you know your way around your own neighborhood.
27. …and Alterac Valley is safer than your own neighborhood.
28. You see “LFM OT + DPS UBRS Rend run” in general chat and it makes you all misty-eyed with nostalgia.
29. You’ve watched the World of Warcraft “Switch” ad 167 times, and it keeps getting funnier every single time you see it. “Or hell, why don’t I just self-res, and bam! Cast Frost Shock!!!”
30. If you had a dollar for every time Blizzard nerfed your class, you could…you could…play for two months for FREE!
1 Not that that’s, you know, a bad thing.
Saturday brought with it a very interesting reinforcement of what is arguably the overriding, and most important, lesson of living in a post-industrial society:
In a world spanned by an instantaneous communication network of global scope, in a nation whose most powerful and most influential sectors are not involved with the digging of ditches or the making of things but rather with the moving of information, it doesn’t matter what you know. What matters most is how you can find what you need to know. The ability to memorize skills or information matters less than the ability to find the skills or information you need, when you need it.
Seriously. On Friday, I did not know how to set up a database, how to add or retrieve information from a database, or how to pass information from a Web browser to a database. Today, I do. Just like that.
We take for granted many things that for 99.9% of human history would seem strange and unfathomable, and I’m not just talking about heavier-than-air powered flight and iPods. I’m talking about the way we learn, catalog, disseminate, and transmit information and knowledge. Google became a billion-dollar company on the basis of a single insight: when the sum total of readily available human knowledge reaches a certain point, the index into that knowledge is worth more than the knowledge itself. If you can’t find it, you might as well not have it, as any good librarian knows.
Sunday was a bird of a whole different feather. The entire day, beginning to end, was spent playing World of Warcraft (which is, really, nothing but a gigantic database of immense proportions that’s accessed through a very specific type of real-time graphical interface). Ran Hyjal Summit, ended up with a new ring and new wrist piece (which are, for some strange reason, still not showing up on Wowarmory…hmm). Finally replaced the Horseman’s Signet Ring I got off the Headless Horseman event last year, which means that I wore that ring for exactly a year and a day.
Now if we could get our collective asses in gear and kill Kael and Lady Vashj, I could complete the quest for Keepers of Time and get another new ring. Plus Kael drops the Tier 6 chest piece, and that’d be pretty sweet.
I got my Onyxia key just three days before they removed the attunement requirement for Onyxia. Dammit.
It’s growing cold. joreth is coming up this evening; she’ll be here for the rest of the week, and on Saturday i fly to Chicago to see dayo. I’ll be in Chicago until Tuesday, if any of the Chitown peeps want to get together. We’re probably going to be at GD on Saturday, at least. cunningminx? scathedobsidian? Anyone?
Got some wood for the fireplace yesterday, then realized that I have no poker, or little shovel thingie, or any of the other accoutrements one normally associates with fires and fireplaces. Got to remember to go shopping for those things tonight before joreth arrives; I hope to do a photo shoot with her and the fireplace at some point this week.
Mmm, fire. I live in a place that has a fireplace!
Note: Those of you who don’t play World of Warcraft, move along. Nothing to see here.
Raid in Hyjal was scrubbed tonight. Couldn’t even get anyone interested in doing a Kara run for badges or killing Magtheridon or something. So, no raiding tonight for me!
Ran Magtheridon after we got out of Hyjal last week. Most. Messy. Kill. Ever.
Had him down to below 1% health, one of our tanks died, we didn’t stop his nova, wiped everyone ‘cept for one pally. I’m sitting there dead like “Oh, fer Crissakes, wiping on Mags is just obnoxious, ‘specially when he’s at under 1% health. I mean, we 22-man this guy just for fun.”
And our pally tank finished him off solo.
So, dead is still dead, but damn. There’s messy, and then there’s messy.
Back into Hyjal on Tuesday.
Just got out of Black Temple for the first time. Lots of dying, learning the fights in there, but on the whole I gotta say the trash is a lot easier than the trash in Serpentshrine. Looks like we’re gonna have a lot of fun in there. Woot!
Afterwards, we went and killed Magtheridon just for fun. Took no time at all, and I finally got my Tier 4 chest piece, which (believe it or not) I’ve never had before. (Not that it has mattered a great deal, really, but it’s kinda nice to have the set.)
Tomorrow, ZA, just for fun. Sunday, back into Black Temple, or SSC, not sure which yet. As I type this, my roommate David is off-tanking in Sunwell, on the second to the last boss. Nobody on their server has downed the last boss in there yet.
And now, off to bed.
….I will cut World of Warcraft stuff, just ’cause.
So far today, I have created a new brochure for one of our distributors, found and fixed a very subtle and deeply-buried PHP bug in a commercial video sharing software package that a friend of mine bought, and discovered a massive Russian Business Network attack on the ISP softlayer.com in which thousands of Web sites hosted by them and their downstream customers have been compromised.
I also had a very tasty quesadilla for lunch. And it’s not even 1:00 yet.
Tonight, I think I’ll write some pr0n, track down another RBN hack attack I may have sniffed out against sites running phpBB, and try to level my warrior’s blacksmithing skill in World of Warcraft. Maybe I’ll document the security breach at Softlayer as well. Looks like a zero-day exploit against cPanel.