This is our cat Beryl. He’s a blue solid Tonkinese, a cat breed that’s made of one part kitty, three parts fearlessness, and sixteen parts love. Tonks are absolutely amazing kitties, with all of the cute adorableness of your standard-issue cat without any of the surly sociopathy.
A couple days ago, I received a package in the mail. On the same day, I went out to buy new printer ink cartridges and came home with a new black and white laser printer, which was cheaper than a set of replacement ink cartridges because capitalism and market efficiencies and invisible guiding hand and Adam Smith LOL.
Anyway, Beryl and I had a conversation that went something like this:
Me: Hey, kitty! Look! I brought you a present! It’s an empty box!
Beryl: OMG you are the BEST. A box! This is amazing! Thank you! Thank you so much! From here I can hide and pounce on Liam all unawares and stuff.
Me: And check this out! I got a new printer, so here’s another empty box.
Beryl: TWO empty boxes? Truly, my cup runneth over. I don’t think I’ve been this happy since…since…since ever! Now I can hop from one box to another. The cunning box-ambush strategies I can devise with TWO boxes will make me the undisputed champion of my domain. You are the greatest. Truly, I mean that. And it’s not just the boxes, it’s also the food preparation. I will remember you in the long years of my reign.
Me: Okay, I need some more space to set up this printer. Here, let me just put this box inside the other box…
Beryl: The hell?
Beryl: You…you just…
Beryl: There is an empty box inside another empty box!
Beryl: How is this even possible? I can hop into a box, and when I get there, there is..another box! Another box, that I can ALSO hop into!
Beryl: I can be inside TWO BOXES AT THE SAME TIME.
Beryl: How did you make this happen?
Beryl: You are like a god. Like. A. God. A god of boxes. You…I never even…it’s just so beautiful!
Beryl: Never in all my life have I imagined such a thing. You have opened my eyes to the Possible, and truly is it more amazing than I had ever dared to hope.
Beryl: Two boxes. TWO boxes. One box inside…inside the other…I’m having a moment.
Me: I’m glad I could make you happy, little buddy.
Beryl: Happy? Happy? Happy is getting the squishy food. Happy is having ONE box to play with. Happy is sitting on your shoulder while you do that thing where you sit in front of that glowing thing and you pretend like you’re a mage and you press buttons and throw frostbolts around and you swear at the goddamn hunter who always pulls aggro and is never where he’s supposed to be and…
Me: You mean play World of Warcraft?
Beryl: Yes, that. Happy is sitting on your shoulder while you do that. But this…this is…
Beryl: If Voluptas, the goddess of bliss born of the union between Cupid and Psyche, had been capable of feeling what I’m feeling right now, the entire story of the world would be rewritten. Temples in her name would stand still as the greatest of all human accomplishments. If you could package what I’m feeling and distribute it, wars would end, ancient rivalries would be forgotten, petty jealousy would be as extinct as the Stegosaurus.
Me: I’m just glad you like your boxes.
Me: Wait, how the hell do you know about Roman mythology? You’re a cat!
Beryl: Can’t talk. Busy playing. In boxes.