Never have I ever…

The range of the human sexual condition is a whole lot wider than a lot of people realize. I’ve met folks who say things like ‘I don’t want to get too kinky too fast because I don’t want to have done everything there is to do by the time I’m 30″ and “I am open to anything,” which I think grossly underestimate the amount of things there are to do.

Whenever someone asks on (most) public forums for wild and kinky sex ideas1, inevitably it seems like the answers that person gets fall into three broad categories: Partners, Places, and Positions. Have sex with more partners, have sex in unusual places, have sex in unusual positions.

Which is fun and all, but it still misses entire huge categories of sex.

Recently, though, someone on another journal flipped the question on its head by asking “what haven’t you done.” And again that’s a way to show how narrow the common perception of sex is, because the majority of responses were perhaps two or three lines long–“I haven’t had a threesome, I haven’t had sex outdoors, I haven’t had sex with the woman on top.” That sort of thing.

I thought about it for a few minutes. The following list is what I came up with in ten minutes; I bet that another ten minutes would probably make it about twice as long.

I have never:

  • Wanted to have sex with an animal or a child.
  • Had sexual contact, or wanted to have sexual contact, with another man.
  • Engaged in AB (adult baby) or diaper fetish play.
  • Engaged in age play.
  • Engaged in puppy play, pony play, or other forms of animal role-play.
  • Had an orgasm at a sex club or play party (though I have had sex at play parties and sex clubs).
  • Had sex with more than three women simultaneously.
  • Had sex in an airplane.
  • Had sex on a train.
  • Been suspended (though I have had partners who have been suspended, and I have designed and built suspension frames).
  • Engaged in autoerotic asphyxia.
  • Engaged in bastinado.
  • Engaged in bootblacking.
  • Been inside a grope box.
  • Played “Spin the Bottle” (though I have played other sex games).
  • Engaged in cuckoldry.
  • Engaged in water bondage.
  • Had sex in a gas mask.
  • Used, or been whipped with, a singletail.
  • Engaged in sounding.
  • Been restrained with a straitjacket, sleepsack, vacuum bed, armbinder, branks, pillory bed, stock, fetters, or fiddle.
  • Engaged in Gorean D/s.
  • Engaged in retifism.
  • Engaged in foot fetishism.
  • Engaged in fursuiting or yiffing.
  • Engaged in race play.
  • Been to a key party (though I have been to other forms of swingers’ parties).
  • Had sex with a person I met at a swingers’ party.
  • Had sex with a person I met in a bar, night club, or pub.
  • Had sex on, or been confined to, an inversion table.
  • Crossdressed.
  • Worn a gimp mask or gimp suit.
  • Engaged in branding, cicatrization, or suturing.
  • Owned an odalisque.
  • Owned a steam-powered fucking machine (which has always been one of my dreams), though I do own other types of fucking machines.
  • Engaged in inflation.
  • Engaged on “looning” (balloon fetishism).
  • Been in a professionally produced or professionally distributed porn flick (though I have made private pictures and movies).
  • Had sex with a porn star (though I have met several).
  • Engaged in watersports.
  • Been fisted (though I have fisted many of my partners).
  • Engaged in forced feminization.
  • Been a dungeon monitor at a public dungeon (though I have a partner who is, and I have hosted play parties).
  • Been the subject of orientation play (though I have been the instigator).
  • Cheated, or been cheated upon.
  • Paid money for sex of any sort, including phone sex.
  • Had anonymous sex.
  • Used a glory hole.
  • Seen a pornographic movie at a porn theater.
  • Engaged in cottaging.
  • Had sex in a church.
  • Worn a chastity belt or chastity device (though I have engaged in orgasm denial and chastity play).
  • Been a collared submissive.
  • Visited a prodomme.
  • Made my own flogger (though I own several hand-made floggers).
  • Written a sex book.
  • Been on the receiving end of figging (though I have been on the administering end, and written a tutorial about it).
  • Engaged in nullification (though I once had a person offer me a lot of money for it).
  • Received money for sex.
  • Had sex or sexual contact, or wanted to have sex or sexual contact, with a partner who is transsexual.
  • Used a penis pump.
  • Used poppers or other recreational drugs for or during sex.
  • Been bound in, or bound a partner in, strappado bondage.
  • Been on the administering end of fire play (though I have been on the receiving end).
  • Used a rack or a Catherine’s wheel.
  • Engaged in Nazi roleplay.
  • Engaged in religious roleplay.
  • Had sex with a virgin.
  • Forced a non-consenting partner to have nonconsensual sex, or been forced to have nonconsensual sex (though I engage in resistance play and rape play often).
  • Had sex for the purpose of, or with the intention of, procreation.
  • Had a grudge fuck.
  • Had a sympathy fuck.
  • Had sex with a subordinate at work (though I have had sex with a superior at work).
  • Been seriously injured or hospitalized because of a sex act.
  • Been arrested or detained by authorities because of a sex act.

What haven’t you done?

1 Okay, yes, forums other than the ones many of the folks who read this journal are likely to be on. Hush.

122 thoughts on “Never have I ever…

  1. Apparently I’m pretty damned vanilla, because I didn’t even know what some of that stuff was. I’ll have to look it up!

    The only thing on that list that I’ve actually done is given someone a sympathy fuck. I haven’t done anal (intercourse or -lingis), had sex with more than two people at once, or even been in the room with a strap-on (aside from adult toy shops and the like). I’ve got a lot to explore, and I might start a list of what interests me.. hmm.

    Interesting topic. Thanks for giving me something neat to think about!

  2. Apparently I’m pretty damned vanilla, because I didn’t even know what some of that stuff was. I’ll have to look it up!

    The only thing on that list that I’ve actually done is given someone a sympathy fuck. I haven’t done anal (intercourse or -lingis), had sex with more than two people at once, or even been in the room with a strap-on (aside from adult toy shops and the like). I’ve got a lot to explore, and I might start a list of what interests me.. hmm.

    Interesting topic. Thanks for giving me something neat to think about!

  3. Hmm, interesting the things I’ve done that you haven’t, since I tend to think of you as one of the kinkiest people I regularly talk to/read. Of course, being straight will limit some things, too.

    I have had sex while under the influence of recreational drugs and have had sex in a church, though it was a Unitarian Universalist, so it just barely counts. 😉

    I haven’t:
    -Had a M-F-M threeway (though I’ve been in FMF and other group situations)
    -Had sex in a moving vehicle of any kind (train, airplane, car, etc.)
    -Tied anyone up (though I’ve been tied up)
    -Engaged in any kind of foot or boot play
    -Engaged in golden showers or scat play
    -Ever watched or participated in any kind of bestiality (though I’ve read a couple stories- NOT my thing)
    -Been given money for sex or given money for sex
    -Given oral sex when my partner was wearing a condom
    -Had a dental dam used on me
    -Given or received anal fisting (though I’ve given and received vaginal fisting)
    -Been whipped, paddled or pierced

  4. Hmm, interesting the things I’ve done that you haven’t, since I tend to think of you as one of the kinkiest people I regularly talk to/read. Of course, being straight will limit some things, too.

    I have had sex while under the influence of recreational drugs and have had sex in a church, though it was a Unitarian Universalist, so it just barely counts. 😉

    I haven’t:
    -Had a M-F-M threeway (though I’ve been in FMF and other group situations)
    -Had sex in a moving vehicle of any kind (train, airplane, car, etc.)
    -Tied anyone up (though I’ve been tied up)
    -Engaged in any kind of foot or boot play
    -Engaged in golden showers or scat play
    -Ever watched or participated in any kind of bestiality (though I’ve read a couple stories- NOT my thing)
    -Been given money for sex or given money for sex
    -Given oral sex when my partner was wearing a condom
    -Had a dental dam used on me
    -Given or received anal fisting (though I’ve given and received vaginal fisting)
    -Been whipped, paddled or pierced

  5. Yes, it is interesting to see that sexuality and kink cover such a wide range of interests that you would be hard pressed to experience them all, kind of like telling someone you are an American and presuming you have been to all 50 states and have interesting stories about all of them.

    • Good analogy. Given how much there is to do in sex, though, I think it might be closer to telling someone you’re an American and having them presume you’d visited every city and town in the United States.

  6. Yes, it is interesting to see that sexuality and kink cover such a wide range of interests that you would be hard pressed to experience them all, kind of like telling someone you are an American and presuming you have been to all 50 states and have interesting stories about all of them.

  7. You may be interested to know that with this latest update to the DSM they want to expand the definition of Paraphilia:

    “The term paraphilia denotes any intense and persistent sexual interest other than sexual interest in genital stimulation or preparatory fondling with phenotypically normal, consenting adult human partners.”

    And by “consenting adult human partners” they mean to say that anyone with any kind of deformity or disability is not an adult human partner. If you are interested in having sex with your partner who happens to be a paraplegic, you are engaging in a paraphilic behavior. If you have a relationship with them for more than six months, you have a paraphilic disorder. Hell, he actually included the example that if you generally enjoy obscene phone calls it’s paraphilia.

    It is, of course, specifically harsh on gender expression.

    • I’m not entirely sure that’s what they mean by such a definition… They mean if you are interested in having sex with your partner primarily because s/he is a paraplegic, that would be paraphilic behavior. Right?

      • So, the DSM is essentially the diagnostic bible for the psychological/psychiatric community. Much like the bible, people use it to horribly abuse others by interpreting it literally, or using it to justify their preexisting prejudice. Every few years or so, when they update it, it’s a battle to try to get them to remove or clarify extraordinarily poor entries that justify things like, oh, strapping someone to a table and electrocuting them because they’re gay.

        So, with that in mind, while the intent may be to express that the paraphilia is present only if the primary attraction is because s/he is a paraplegic, the wording makes no such distinction. As such, it is up to the particular mental health care worker to determine your motivation for being in a relationship with such a person in the first place. As is historically common, if the mental health worker deems having such a relationship strange, and that the only reason someone possibly could be in a relationship with someone who is disabled or deformed in some way is due to some abnormality, disorder, or fetish (a common social bias to begin with) then they merely have to justify their squick by flipping through the DSM.

        Don’t get me wrong, psychiatrists and psychologists who are already responsible and well educated on the vast range of human expression will completely ignore such nonsense. The problem is the ones who don’t. For instance, there are mental health care professionals who treat someone who is transgender with respect, and assist them in their transition. There are others, though, who believe that it is a disorder and that requires reparative therapy in order to coerce them into their assigned gender.

        For instance, the head of the committee currently defining sexual and gender identities for the upcoming DSM V is Kenneth J. Zucker. He’s absolutely notorious for his “therapies” being downright abusive towards anyone with an atypical sexual or gender expression. These are not random, rogue doctors misinterpreting the DSM. These are the people writing it.

        In addition to everything stated, the DSM, or the professionals who interpret the DSM in extremely abusive ways, are often used to justify legislation or individual court rulings that strip people or individuals of rights–particularly with LGBT (especially trans) issues.

        I hope all of that made sense. It’s a fight that’s been decades long, and it’s a bit complex to try to summarize.

    • I remember reading about that! Seems like a giant leap backward, to me. Smacks of the same sort of thinking that originally had homosexuality listed as a mental disorder.

  8. You may be interested to know that with this latest update to the DSM they want to expand the definition of Paraphilia:

    “The term paraphilia denotes any intense and persistent sexual interest other than sexual interest in genital stimulation or preparatory fondling with phenotypically normal, consenting adult human partners.”

    And by “consenting adult human partners” they mean to say that anyone with any kind of deformity or disability is not an adult human partner. If you are interested in having sex with your partner who happens to be a paraplegic, you are engaging in a paraphilic behavior. If you have a relationship with them for more than six months, you have a paraphilic disorder. Hell, he actually included the example that if you generally enjoy obscene phone calls it’s paraphilia.

    It is, of course, specifically harsh on gender expression.

  9. *blinks* It actually sort of shocks me how many of those I’ve done 🙂

    It didn’t even occur to me to think of things like “positions/locations” when faced with the original question, heh. It really seems like a question that crashes on most people because they don’t think in terms of ‘kink.’

  10. *blinks* It actually sort of shocks me how many of those I’ve done 🙂

    It didn’t even occur to me to think of things like “positions/locations” when faced with the original question, heh. It really seems like a question that crashes on most people because they don’t think in terms of ‘kink.’

  11. There is only one thing on your list that i have done. This is with the understanding that I change the wording on #2 to read “Other woman”.

    I’m good with this “never have I ever” list. It can stay 😀

  12. There is only one thing on your list that i have done. This is with the understanding that I change the wording on #2 to read “Other woman”.

    I’m good with this “never have I ever” list. It can stay 😀

  13. wow.. I expected so much more of you. There are a couple of things on that list that a couple of 12 year old’s are probably doing in a school bathroom as we speak… All this time I thought you were King Pervert.. my illusions are completely shattered. How will I go on?

  14. wow.. I expected so much more of you. There are a couple of things on that list that a couple of 12 year old’s are probably doing in a school bathroom as we speak… All this time I thought you were King Pervert.. my illusions are completely shattered. How will I go on?

  15. Hehehe. I had to look up a couple of those, and i also was proud of the fact that i’ve had experiences that he hasn’t. LOL Twisted, twisted…

  16. Whenever someone asks on (most) public forums for wild and kinky sex ideas1, inevitably it seems like the answers that person gets fall into three broad categories: Partners, Places, and Positions. Have sex with more partners, have sex in unusual places, have sex in unusual positions.

    Which is fun and all, but it still misses entire huge categories of sex.

    So what is a category that misses Partners, Places and Positions. It seems to me all sexual activity can fit into one of those.

  17. Whenever someone asks on (most) public forums for wild and kinky sex ideas1, inevitably it seems like the answers that person gets fall into three broad categories: Partners, Places, and Positions. Have sex with more partners, have sex in unusual places, have sex in unusual positions.

    Which is fun and all, but it still misses entire huge categories of sex.

    So what is a category that misses Partners, Places and Positions. It seems to me all sexual activity can fit into one of those.

  18. even though the list of things I HAVE tried is MUCH MUCH smaller….I will admit to a few of the things on Tacits list that I have done.

    ~Had an orgasm at a sex club or play party (more than 1).
    ~Cheated, or been cheated upon (the latter)
    ~Been a collared submissive (for a short while).
    ~Made my own flogger (several in fact).
    ~Forced a non-consenting partner to have nonconsensual sex, or been forced to have nonconsensual sex (the latter, same person who cheated on me)
    ~Had sex for the purpose of, or with the intention of, procreation (twice lol)
    ~Had a sympathy fuck.

    I cant list my “Have nots” the list is too long lol.

  19. even though the list of things I HAVE tried is MUCH MUCH smaller….I will admit to a few of the things on Tacits list that I have done.

    ~Had an orgasm at a sex club or play party (more than 1).
    ~Cheated, or been cheated upon (the latter)
    ~Been a collared submissive (for a short while).
    ~Made my own flogger (several in fact).
    ~Forced a non-consenting partner to have nonconsensual sex, or been forced to have nonconsensual sex (the latter, same person who cheated on me)
    ~Had sex for the purpose of, or with the intention of, procreation (twice lol)
    ~Had a sympathy fuck.

    I cant list my “Have nots” the list is too long lol.

  20. I was surprised that there were a couple of things that I had done that you hadn’t. They were:
    – sex with the intent of procreation (that ultimately failed)
    – sex on an airplane
    A partner and I have had a couple of opportunities for sex on a train and so far have wimped out, but we get more opportunities next year as we have roomettes reserved for a couple of trips between Florida and Boston.

  21. I was surprised that there were a couple of things that I had done that you hadn’t. They were:
    – sex with the intent of procreation (that ultimately failed)
    – sex on an airplane
    A partner and I have had a couple of opportunities for sex on a train and so far have wimped out, but we get more opportunities next year as we have roomettes reserved for a couple of trips between Florida and Boston.

  22. This is a fun topic, but although I’m beyond your basic missionary boy-girl sex, I’m not into quite a lot of what some call “kink” and others call “BDSM” and still others make no division for. So, my list of never have I ever would be ridiculously long. It may be shorter than some would suppose, but still… I’m not going to sit here and type it out for you. LOL Lets just say, I’m not into pain or fear or bodily waste play, and barely into bondage in a terribly vanilla way. 🙂 I might have a bit of an exhibitionist streak, we shall see. The experiments are ongoing. I’m hetero giving but may be bi receiving, is there such a thing?

    My husband (the younger one) just read this and chuckled about that last comment. Hey, I’ve had a growth spurt of late! I’m only not quite 52, there’s a lot still to learn. I consider this middle age, dudes. Watch out.

  23. This is a fun topic, but although I’m beyond your basic missionary boy-girl sex, I’m not into quite a lot of what some call “kink” and others call “BDSM” and still others make no division for. So, my list of never have I ever would be ridiculously long. It may be shorter than some would suppose, but still… I’m not going to sit here and type it out for you. LOL Lets just say, I’m not into pain or fear or bodily waste play, and barely into bondage in a terribly vanilla way. 🙂 I might have a bit of an exhibitionist streak, we shall see. The experiments are ongoing. I’m hetero giving but may be bi receiving, is there such a thing?

    My husband (the younger one) just read this and chuckled about that last comment. Hey, I’ve had a growth spurt of late! I’m only not quite 52, there’s a lot still to learn. I consider this middle age, dudes. Watch out.

  24. Breathplay doesn’t fit into any of those, really — for example.

    Given, some of the examples tacit listed above are partners, or places, or positions.

  25. “I am open to anything,” which I think grossly underestimate the amount of things there are to do.

    Ain’t that the truth! And boy do you have to be aware of your audience when you answer someone that says something like that.

    Had a sympathy fuck.
    Are you sure? (*kidding*)

    • “Open to anything” is right up there with “Whatever you want”. I’m careful to only say that to those who I have a pretty good idea what they want.

  26. “I am open to anything,” which I think grossly underestimate the amount of things there are to do.

    Ain’t that the truth! And boy do you have to be aware of your audience when you answer someone that says something like that.

    Had a sympathy fuck.
    Are you sure? (*kidding*)

  27. Yeahhhh okay – I’m not massively kinky – but there’s a large number of things on that list that Iist that I’ve never heard of. O_o

    I’m going to have to spend some time with the dictionary, apparently.

    But before I do that… what the frell is: retifism

  28. Yeahhhh okay – I’m not massively kinky – but there’s a large number of things on that list that Iist that I’ve never heard of. O_o

    I’m going to have to spend some time with the dictionary, apparently.

    But before I do that… what the frell is: retifism

  29. I’m definitely on the “Haven’t done much but way interested in more than I’ve done.” side of the spectrum. I had to look up a few things on your list.

    I don’t think I feel bad that I haven’t done about 75% of the things I want to do sexually. I kind of feel like, if I ever find a partner who is similarly inclined (for some reason, my partners are almost always very not kinky in their preferred sexual expression and I would prefer some kink but not to the point of seeking someone out just because they’re kinky) then WOW do I have some GREAT STUFF to look forward to.

    I definitely have some hard lines of where I won’t go, but I think that lines also come up when you push them, and I haven’t pushed them all yet, so it’s an incomplete list.

  30. I’m definitely on the “Haven’t done much but way interested in more than I’ve done.” side of the spectrum. I had to look up a few things on your list.

    I don’t think I feel bad that I haven’t done about 75% of the things I want to do sexually. I kind of feel like, if I ever find a partner who is similarly inclined (for some reason, my partners are almost always very not kinky in their preferred sexual expression and I would prefer some kink but not to the point of seeking someone out just because they’re kinky) then WOW do I have some GREAT STUFF to look forward to.

    I definitely have some hard lines of where I won’t go, but I think that lines also come up when you push them, and I haven’t pushed them all yet, so it’s an incomplete list.

  31. This entry gives me hope that I’ll never have reason to be bored. The only real task is figuring out how to get my mind around all these myriad varieties of fun everybody else seems to be having.

    Thanks for this. Thought-provoking entry as always.

  32. This entry gives me hope that I’ll never have reason to be bored. The only real task is figuring out how to get my mind around all these myriad varieties of fun everybody else seems to be having.

    Thanks for this. Thought-provoking entry as always.

  33. Suffice to say that my list of nevers is vast. For me at this point, to list the nevers is far too daunting. I’d rather just continue along the “ooh something new and shiny!” path.

    Thoughout it, I absolutely love the fact that the more I learn, the more I catch a glimpse of the vast universe that I don’t know.

  34. Suffice to say that my list of nevers is vast. For me at this point, to list the nevers is far too daunting. I’d rather just continue along the “ooh something new and shiny!” path.

    Thoughout it, I absolutely love the fact that the more I learn, the more I catch a glimpse of the vast universe that I don’t know.

  35. “Engaged in cottaging.”

    Up here cottaging is something Canadians do every summer long weekend, and a few more besides. Usually with beer. And friends.

    I take it ‘cottaging’ means something else?

    • In the US and UK, “cottaging” is specifically looking for anonymous sex partners in public restrooms. There’s supposedly a whole subculture around it, or so I’m told.

  36. “Engaged in cottaging.”

    Up here cottaging is something Canadians do every summer long weekend, and a few more besides. Usually with beer. And friends.

    I take it ‘cottaging’ means something else?

  37. There are actually quite a few activities not directly related to Partners, Places, or Positions. Knife play, needle play, asphyxia, flogging, figging, infibulation, suturing, all sorts of stuff like that.

  38. In the US and UK, “cottaging” is specifically looking for anonymous sex partners in public restrooms. There’s supposedly a whole subculture around it, or so I’m told.

  39. Yes, I was replying to Lance’s point that it doesn’t fall under one of those three subheadings. Not that Franklin had or hadn’t done it.

  40. I’m not entirely sure that’s what they mean by such a definition… They mean if you are interested in having sex with your partner primarily because s/he is a paraplegic, that would be paraphilic behavior. Right?

  41. “Open to anything” is right up there with “Whatever you want”. I’m careful to only say that to those who I have a pretty good idea what they want.

  42. So, the DSM is essentially the diagnostic bible for the psychological/psychiatric community. Much like the bible, people use it to horribly abuse others by interpreting it literally, or using it to justify their preexisting prejudice. Every few years or so, when they update it, it’s a battle to try to get them to remove or clarify extraordinarily poor entries that justify things like, oh, strapping someone to a table and electrocuting them because they’re gay.

    So, with that in mind, while the intent may be to express that the paraphilia is present only if the primary attraction is because s/he is a paraplegic, the wording makes no such distinction. As such, it is up to the particular mental health care worker to determine your motivation for being in a relationship with such a person in the first place. As is historically common, if the mental health worker deems having such a relationship strange, and that the only reason someone possibly could be in a relationship with someone who is disabled or deformed in some way is due to some abnormality, disorder, or fetish (a common social bias to begin with) then they merely have to justify their squick by flipping through the DSM.

    Don’t get me wrong, psychiatrists and psychologists who are already responsible and well educated on the vast range of human expression will completely ignore such nonsense. The problem is the ones who don’t. For instance, there are mental health care professionals who treat someone who is transgender with respect, and assist them in their transition. There are others, though, who believe that it is a disorder and that requires reparative therapy in order to coerce them into their assigned gender.

    For instance, the head of the committee currently defining sexual and gender identities for the upcoming DSM V is Kenneth J. Zucker. He’s absolutely notorious for his “therapies” being downright abusive towards anyone with an atypical sexual or gender expression. These are not random, rogue doctors misinterpreting the DSM. These are the people writing it.

    In addition to everything stated, the DSM, or the professionals who interpret the DSM in extremely abusive ways, are often used to justify legislation or individual court rulings that strip people or individuals of rights–particularly with LGBT (especially trans) issues.

    I hope all of that made sense. It’s a fight that’s been decades long, and it’s a bit complex to try to summarize.

    • Actually, truth be told, I’ve never tried recreational drugs of any sort save for alcohol. To me, the risk/reward analysis doesn’t seem worthwhile.

  43. “I am open to anything,” which I think grossly underestimate the amount of things there are to do.

    And boy do you have to be aware of your audience when you answer someone that says something like that.

    Funny story: I was at work one day and the topic of kink came up (as it does at my work), and some people were curious about it, some people had experience at it, and most of us were just teasing each other within the subject – it was a very lighthearted, fun, flirty conversation.

    So one guy says “nah, I’m not into all that kinky shit. A little oral, maybe some anal, but that’s it! Everything else is just too weird.”

    Having previously made comments earlier that indicated his heterosexuality and hinted at some borderling homophobia, I said: “You’re into anal? Great! I’ve got my strap-on in the car!”

    His jaw drapped, his eyes got wide, he literally back-peddled with his hands splayed out in front of him and said “no-no-no-no, that’s not what I meant! I meant on her!”

    I said “Oh, you didn’t clarify that.”

    He spent the rest of the day keeping his distance and everyone else spent the rest of the day laughing at the trap he walked into.

    The *really* funny part was that I was his boss that day and he had never met me before.

  44. “I am open to anything,” which I think grossly underestimate the amount of things there are to do.

    And boy do you have to be aware of your audience when you answer someone that says something like that.

    Funny story: I was at work one day and the topic of kink came up (as it does at my work), and some people were curious about it, some people had experience at it, and most of us were just teasing each other within the subject – it was a very lighthearted, fun, flirty conversation.

    So one guy says “nah, I’m not into all that kinky shit. A little oral, maybe some anal, but that’s it! Everything else is just too weird.”

    Having previously made comments earlier that indicated his heterosexuality and hinted at some borderling homophobia, I said: “You’re into anal? Great! I’ve got my strap-on in the car!”

    His jaw drapped, his eyes got wide, he literally back-peddled with his hands splayed out in front of him and said “no-no-no-no, that’s not what I meant! I meant on her!”

    I said “Oh, you didn’t clarify that.”

    He spent the rest of the day keeping his distance and everyone else spent the rest of the day laughing at the trap he walked into.

    The *really* funny part was that I was his boss that day and he had never met me before.

  45. I have a very hard time with open-ended questions. When the list of options is infinite (or big enough that it might as well be infinite), my brain sort of gets overloaded and I can’t come up with a single answer.

    So I can’t give a list of what I haven’t ever done, I can go through someone else’s list and say “yes” or “no” to certain things. Sometimes, those available options might remind me of something not on the list, and I can add that, but I can’t just come up with my own list.

    That being said, the list of what I haven’t done is enormous and it’d probably be much easier to come up with what I *have* done … especially if I narrow it down to just what’s on your Never Have I Ever list 🙂

    Wanted to have sex with an animal or a child. – this only counts if you include post-pubescent teenagers but technically minors when I was a teenager too.

    Had sexual contact, or wanted to have sexual contact, with another [wo]man. – I actively wanted to know what it was like to have sexual contact with another woman, and eventually I did get to try it out … several times. I just decided that the physical female body doesn’t do anything for me, but the energy of group sex that happens to include certain females whom I am close to emotionally is fun.

    Engaged in puppy play, pony play, or other forms of animal role-play. – I haven’t engaged in animal play, nor am I particularly interested in it, but I did briefly touch upon (and would like to play more with) a form of D/s play where the command structure and the interactions between us were sort of an anthropomorphic puppy play. In other words, I don’t want to have sex with a dog, even a role-played dog, but I did have fun ordering my partner to fetch me a drink or sit and stay, and rewarding him for good behaviour with “good puppy” and a sexual favor. He wore a collar, but I didn’t walk on all fours or pant or eat on the floor. It was more like he was this sweet, eager to please, willing to be ordered around, puppy-ish kind of guy. And I enjoyed that a lot more than I ever expected I would and I’d like to find a partner again with a similar dynamic.

    Had sex on a train. – I made out on a light-rail train once.

    Been suspended – for demo purposes only, but would *really* like to try having sex while suspended.

    Used, or been whipped with, a singletail. – haven’t done this yet, but I’m planning on attending the hands-on single-tail demo in a couple of weekends. I think, eventually, I will pick this kink up as the Top.

    Crossdressed – I *do* cross-dress, and even had sex while cross-dressed (either way you look at it – whether you consider my usual attire of men’s clothing “crossdressing” or you consider it crossdressing when I wear women’s clothes, as I do), but the cross-dressing was never *part* of the sex or the scene. It was just what I happened to be wearing.

    Cheated, or been cheated upon. – done the cheating on every bf before I heard the word “polyamory”. Have never done it since (although some of my earlier relationships with non-poly guys who wanted to “try it out” might disagree, since they were fine with me being polyamorous … until I had sex with someone else and then they got upset).

    Seen a pornographic movie at a porn theater. – does one of those little porn booths at the back of seedy porn stores count?

    Had sex in a church. – How about giving a blowjob behind the church during choir practice?

    Had sex with a virgin. – ugh, too many of these! Never my favorite thing, now it’s something I just won’t do at all.

    Had a sympathy fuck. – the majority of the sex with my 2nd fiance after the engagement (there’s more than one reason I never ended up marrying him).

    Had sex with a subordinate at work (though I have had sex with a superior at work). – both, and both while *at* work … and both while *on the clock* at work. In fact, having sex with a co-worker of some kind while at work and on the clock is one of my most favorite kinks! Too bad most of my coworkers are losers.

  46. I have a very hard time with open-ended questions. When the list of options is infinite (or big enough that it might as well be infinite), my brain sort of gets overloaded and I can’t come up with a single answer.

    So I can’t give a list of what I haven’t ever done, I can go through someone else’s list and say “yes” or “no” to certain things. Sometimes, those available options might remind me of something not on the list, and I can add that, but I can’t just come up with my own list.

    That being said, the list of what I haven’t done is enormous and it’d probably be much easier to come up with what I *have* done … especially if I narrow it down to just what’s on your Never Have I Ever list 🙂

    Wanted to have sex with an animal or a child. – this only counts if you include post-pubescent teenagers but technically minors when I was a teenager too.

    Had sexual contact, or wanted to have sexual contact, with another [wo]man. – I actively wanted to know what it was like to have sexual contact with another woman, and eventually I did get to try it out … several times. I just decided that the physical female body doesn’t do anything for me, but the energy of group sex that happens to include certain females whom I am close to emotionally is fun.

    Engaged in puppy play, pony play, or other forms of animal role-play. – I haven’t engaged in animal play, nor am I particularly interested in it, but I did briefly touch upon (and would like to play more with) a form of D/s play where the command structure and the interactions between us were sort of an anthropomorphic puppy play. In other words, I don’t want to have sex with a dog, even a role-played dog, but I did have fun ordering my partner to fetch me a drink or sit and stay, and rewarding him for good behaviour with “good puppy” and a sexual favor. He wore a collar, but I didn’t walk on all fours or pant or eat on the floor. It was more like he was this sweet, eager to please, willing to be ordered around, puppy-ish kind of guy. And I enjoyed that a lot more than I ever expected I would and I’d like to find a partner again with a similar dynamic.

    Had sex on a train. – I made out on a light-rail train once.

    Been suspended – for demo purposes only, but would *really* like to try having sex while suspended.

    Used, or been whipped with, a singletail. – haven’t done this yet, but I’m planning on attending the hands-on single-tail demo in a couple of weekends. I think, eventually, I will pick this kink up as the Top.

    Crossdressed – I *do* cross-dress, and even had sex while cross-dressed (either way you look at it – whether you consider my usual attire of men’s clothing “crossdressing” or you consider it crossdressing when I wear women’s clothes, as I do), but the cross-dressing was never *part* of the sex or the scene. It was just what I happened to be wearing.

    Cheated, or been cheated upon. – done the cheating on every bf before I heard the word “polyamory”. Have never done it since (although some of my earlier relationships with non-poly guys who wanted to “try it out” might disagree, since they were fine with me being polyamorous … until I had sex with someone else and then they got upset).

    Seen a pornographic movie at a porn theater. – does one of those little porn booths at the back of seedy porn stores count?

    Had sex in a church. – How about giving a blowjob behind the church during choir practice?

    Had sex with a virgin. – ugh, too many of these! Never my favorite thing, now it’s something I just won’t do at all.

    Had a sympathy fuck. – the majority of the sex with my 2nd fiance after the engagement (there’s more than one reason I never ended up marrying him).

    Had sex with a subordinate at work (though I have had sex with a superior at work). – both, and both while *at* work … and both while *on the clock* at work. In fact, having sex with a co-worker of some kind while at work and on the clock is one of my most favorite kinks! Too bad most of my coworkers are losers.

  47. Lots of people are surprised that they have done things you haven’t done. I have done some of the things on this list but that doesn’t surprise me. No matter how kinky and experimental a person is, there is going to be a whole lot of stuff that simply doesn’t appeal to them, or in some cases, opportunities just haven’t presented themselves.

    I’m very big on experiencing as many things as I can, and I have engaged in some sexual activities out of sheer curiosity more than actual sexual desire. But there are still a lot of places I won’t go. In some cases due to my morality–such as having nonconsensual sex. In others it’s a matter of visceral reactions–scat play squicks me out too much and I’d spend the entire time wondering if I’d die from e. coli, Breathplay triggers my massive claustrophobia and would probably land me in therapy.

    I have tried a few things that didn’t really turn me on much, however, because it was something my partner really enjoyed. I dated a guy who loved receiving anal sex, and I fucked him with a strap-on because it was his fantasy. I get no particular turn-on from men’s asses, and I’ve never particularly desired to fuck anyone with a strapon. But I really enjoyed being the one to help him live out his fantasy, and watching him enjoy it. If I love someone, I’m willing to do a lot of things for them even if they don’t get *me* off very much.

    Anyway, interesting post and I will have to ponder it more.

  48. Lots of people are surprised that they have done things you haven’t done. I have done some of the things on this list but that doesn’t surprise me. No matter how kinky and experimental a person is, there is going to be a whole lot of stuff that simply doesn’t appeal to them, or in some cases, opportunities just haven’t presented themselves.

    I’m very big on experiencing as many things as I can, and I have engaged in some sexual activities out of sheer curiosity more than actual sexual desire. But there are still a lot of places I won’t go. In some cases due to my morality–such as having nonconsensual sex. In others it’s a matter of visceral reactions–scat play squicks me out too much and I’d spend the entire time wondering if I’d die from e. coli, Breathplay triggers my massive claustrophobia and would probably land me in therapy.

    I have tried a few things that didn’t really turn me on much, however, because it was something my partner really enjoyed. I dated a guy who loved receiving anal sex, and I fucked him with a strap-on because it was his fantasy. I get no particular turn-on from men’s asses, and I’ve never particularly desired to fuck anyone with a strapon. But I really enjoyed being the one to help him live out his fantasy, and watching him enjoy it. If I love someone, I’m willing to do a lot of things for them even if they don’t get *me* off very much.

    Anyway, interesting post and I will have to ponder it more.

  49. Had a M-F-M threeway
    This actually surprises me. I’ve done MFM in several combinations, and one MMF, but never FMF (not sure I’d actually want to be at the center) or FFM.

    • I know! When I was a teenager, I didn’t have a social group that would even have fathomed such a thing is possible.

      Now, as a grownup, I invent sex games…and I’ve still never played Spin the Bottle.

  50. I’ve done 15 of the things on your “never” list, but I have never done the rest of them.
    I’ll have to think of a comprehensive “never” list that doesn’t just copy yours.

  51. I’ve done 15 of the things on your “never” list, but I have never done the rest of them.
    I’ll have to think of a comprehensive “never” list that doesn’t just copy yours.

  52. Top 25 “Most Disturbing Sex Toys” – I read through this and my reactions ranged from “huh, that’s kinda neat” to “that’s hilarious!” to “eh, I’ve seen it, but it’s not really my kink.”

    Not a single disturbing item among them.

    I keep thinking I’m vanilla because I’m not “lifestyle” and I only have a handful of kinks that might freak the mundanes … then I discover just how kinky I am when I see a muggle reaction to kink like this one where they think this kind of stuff is “disturbing”.

  53. Top 25 “Most Disturbing Sex Toys” – I read through this and my reactions ranged from “huh, that’s kinda neat” to “that’s hilarious!” to “eh, I’ve seen it, but it’s not really my kink.”

    Not a single disturbing item among them.

    I keep thinking I’m vanilla because I’m not “lifestyle” and I only have a handful of kinks that might freak the mundanes … then I discover just how kinky I am when I see a muggle reaction to kink like this one where they think this kind of stuff is “disturbing”.

  54. I remember reading about that! Seems like a giant leap backward, to me. Smacks of the same sort of thinking that originally had homosexuality listed as a mental disorder.

  55. Actually, truth be told, I’ve never tried recreational drugs of any sort save for alcohol. To me, the risk/reward analysis doesn’t seem worthwhile.

  56. I know! When I was a teenager, I didn’t have a social group that would even have fathomed such a thing is possible.

    Now, as a grownup, I invent sex games…and I’ve still never played Spin the Bottle.

  57. Good analogy. Given how much there is to do in sex, though, I think it might be closer to telling someone you’re an American and having them presume you’d visited every city and town in the United States.

  58. My buddy Nico was setting up a dungeon space one time & a woman walked up & said “Please sir, I hear you’re the best & I want you to dominate me… I’ll do ANYTHING, I don’t have any limits!”

    He said “REALLY??” and grabbed one of the boards he was using, a hammer, and some long nails & said “Slap your tits on this, I’ve always wanted to nail a set to a board.”

    All of a sudden she had limits.

  59. My buddy Nico was setting up a dungeon space one time & a woman walked up & said “Please sir, I hear you’re the best & I want you to dominate me… I’ll do ANYTHING, I don’t have any limits!”

    He said “REALLY??” and grabbed one of the boards he was using, a hammer, and some long nails & said “Slap your tits on this, I’ve always wanted to nail a set to a board.”

    All of a sudden she had limits.

    • Of the things on the list, the ones I’d most be interested in trying are:

      Having an orgasm at a sex club or play party, Having sex with more than three women simultaneously (I have more than three partners, but they’re all long distance), Being suspended, Playing spin the bottle (just because it seems a bit absurd that I’ve never done it), Being restrained with a straitjacket (I’m curious about what it feels like), Having sex on an inversion table, Owning a steam-powered fucking machine (something I’ve wanted for a very long time!), Write a sex book (if and when I ever get time), Make my own flogger (I’d love to learn that skill), and Use a rack or a Catherine’s wheel (or both!).

      Some of the things on the list might be hot under the right circumstances (such as anonymous sex or sex with a partner I meet at a play party), though I tend to get attached to my lovers, so there are potentially issues there.

      Some of the things that sound hot, like sex on a plane, just strike me as profoundly cramped and uncomfortable, at least if we’re talking about an ordinary commercial airliner here. Sex in a church really doesn’t interest me, but then church itself doesn’t interest me, and I don’t get any sort of charge from forbidden or taboo acts, so…meh, whatever. One building’s pretty much like another as far as that goes.

    • Of the things on the list, the ones I’d most be interested in trying are:

      Having an orgasm at a sex club or play party, Having sex with more than three women simultaneously (I have more than three partners, but they’re all long distance), Being suspended, Playing spin the bottle (just because it seems a bit absurd that I’ve never done it), Being restrained with a straitjacket (I’m curious about what it feels like), Having sex on an inversion table, Owning a steam-powered fucking machine (something I’ve wanted for a very long time!), Write a sex book (if and when I ever get time), Make my own flogger (I’d love to learn that skill), and Use a rack or a Catherine’s wheel (or both!).

      Some of the things on the list might be hot under the right circumstances (such as anonymous sex or sex with a partner I meet at a play party), though I tend to get attached to my lovers, so there are potentially issues there.

      Some of the things that sound hot, like sex on a plane, just strike me as profoundly cramped and uncomfortable, at least if we’re talking about an ordinary commercial airliner here. Sex in a church really doesn’t interest me, but then church itself doesn’t interest me, and I don’t get any sort of charge from forbidden or taboo acts, so…meh, whatever. One building’s pretty much like another as far as that goes.

  60. Of the things on the list, the ones I’d most be interested in trying are:

    Having an orgasm at a sex club or play party, Having sex with more than three women simultaneously (I have more than three partners, but they’re all long distance), Being suspended, Playing spin the bottle (just because it seems a bit absurd that I’ve never done it), Being restrained with a straitjacket (I’m curious about what it feels like), Having sex on an inversion table, Owning a steam-powered fucking machine (something I’ve wanted for a very long time!), Write a sex book (if and when I ever get time), Make my own flogger (I’d love to learn that skill), and Use a rack or a Catherine’s wheel (or both!).

    Some of the things on the list might be hot under the right circumstances (such as anonymous sex or sex with a partner I meet at a play party), though I tend to get attached to my lovers, so there are potentially issues there.

    Some of the things that sound hot, like sex on a plane, just strike me as profoundly cramped and uncomfortable, at least if we’re talking about an ordinary commercial airliner here. Sex in a church really doesn’t interest me, but then church itself doesn’t interest me, and I don’t get any sort of charge from forbidden or taboo acts, so…meh, whatever. One building’s pretty much like another as far as that goes.

  61. Of the things on the list, the ones I’d most be interested in trying are:

    Having an orgasm at a sex club or play party, Having sex with more than three women simultaneously (I have more than three partners, but they’re all long distance), Being suspended, Playing spin the bottle (just because it seems a bit absurd that I’ve never done it), Being restrained with a straitjacket (I’m curious about what it feels like), Having sex on an inversion table, Owning a steam-powered fucking machine (something I’ve wanted for a very long time!), Write a sex book (if and when I ever get time), Make my own flogger (I’d love to learn that skill), and Use a rack or a Catherine’s wheel (or both!).

    Some of the things on the list might be hot under the right circumstances (such as anonymous sex or sex with a partner I meet at a play party), though I tend to get attached to my lovers, so there are potentially issues there.

    Some of the things that sound hot, like sex on a plane, just strike me as profoundly cramped and uncomfortable, at least if we’re talking about an ordinary commercial airliner here. Sex in a church really doesn’t interest me, but then church itself doesn’t interest me, and I don’t get any sort of charge from forbidden or taboo acts, so…meh, whatever. One building’s pretty much like another as far as that goes.

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